well, your dh is happy he's not my dh. NOBODY from my household would be going to sd's party at bm's! definitely not MY children (if i had any) and if dh had a lick of common sense he wouldn't go either. maybe you need to re-word your thoughts to dh, obviously he doesn't understand what you are telling him, he is an asshole or he's dumber than a rock.

IlYour dh should counting his blessing that you are even letting him go. If it were me no way in hell would my dh be going to another women's house without me. Plus he needs to make it clear that they cant treat his wife like that. If my dh said i was unfair hed be looking for a new wife. This is wrong on so many levels. You guys are married if they wouldnt think of asking their friends that are married to come without their spouses then why do they think they have the right to ask you guys and to let your kids go while their parent is not allowed nope wouldnt fly with me. They are my kids too and i have a say not the ex about who is around my kid and if im not allowed around then my kids will not be going with out me.

You are being 100X more reasonable than I would be. I am so happy that BM doesn't even have her shit together enough to have this issue, but there is no way I would let my kids go to BM's without me. AND the fact that you are being courteous enough to let DH go without giving him grief is very big of you. I wouldn't be able to stand it...

Do you really want DH to spend an evening with SD and BM without you to keep an eye on things?

We have a party at our house and a party is held at the "other parents" house. (DH and I both have kids from previous marriages). We used to do neutral location parties (like a park, restuarant, etc) and split the cost but no one really likes to mingle with the ex families, way to awkward for everyone.

Personally, I think you and DH should do a small family affair with SD and siblings and SD has her seperate party with BM. I don't think DH should even go to the BM party. They are divorced for a reason, they are seperate families now, don't blur the lines. DH goes and it fosters the impression they *might* get back together with SD and SD will continually try to push that button.

Napamom - your SD is quite old enough to learn to respect you and to learn that if she is not nice to you then she gets nothing - and you need to tell your DH that if he is not sticking up for you then he is letting his entitled daughter think it is okay to hate you and to not include you in events. Tell your DH this is not going to happen and if she can't invite all of you then none of you are going and there will be no other party - when the hell does all the double dipping stop - enough already - she treats you like shit and gets away with it and then you all reward her with a party - tell her no respect - no party- no gift - nothing -

My SS when he would get things from Dh and I he would sometimes write back a thank you note and sometimes just text his dad a real quick thank you text - so I informed him since I WAS THE ONE who went out and bought his gifts and made sure he had gifts that if I DID NOT RECEIVE a proper thank you that HE WOULD NOT BE GETTING ANYTHING ELSE FROM US. He made the mistake once of not writing to me for something I sent and when the next holiday rolled around he got nothing - from then on I always got a proper thank you.

There are sooo many things wrong with this situation.

My DH would not have the balls to even ask if it would have been ok for my kids to go to BM's house.

And your SD is to old to be pulling the whole ... "I need mommy and daddy together at my party"

And your DH should put his foot down about you not being invited.

Is he crazy?

I am learning so much about this issue it is blowing my mind. Why is the daughter asking her father to go to his ex house? Can't he explain to her that they are not married anymore and bumping into ex is just weird and people avoid that like plague? I would only see an ex if there was a health emergency. Anything else I will tell the kid to toughen up. Not saying this is the right way to do, but just my opinion. Would that be really bad for the kid? I am assuming the kid will be just fine because afterall she/he is having a birthday party.

Not unreasonable at all.

We never went to any celebration that BM was at, my husband can't stand to be in the same room with her. Like you, I wouldn't have cared if he went, though. We always did SD's B-day on whatever weekend we had her that was close. Your solution is perfect.

My SO and I do go to BM's for an occasion or two, and she and her BF over at our place. But for your DH to actually even think of going without YOU, is not fair. He needs to stand up for you just like the others say. If your not going, he's not going and neither are your children. this skid is old enough to know what's going on. I get so angry when these men don't see what's really going on and don't have the balls to step up to their kids. Yes, I know, they are afraid they will not call them, they are afraid they won't come over, so just keep kissing their a$$'s and let them be disrespectful, it's a sure way to get them ahead in life.

Hell no. DH doesn't go if you were not invited. Let alone your babies. You are a package deal -- husband and wife.

Your SD may not love or like you and that is fine but her dad needs to teach her that those feelings shouldn't be used as excuses to treat people like crap. We can feel whatever we want about others. We can really dislike them but that still doesn't give us the right to treat them horribly.

Dad needs to explain to her that as the birthday girl, its her day to have all the attention on her. It's not an excuse for her to exclude others and treat them like crap. Her behavior needs to be nipped in the bud now or she will continue to do this at her wedding and other events.

If she's having a tough time coping with her feelings, DH should do all he can to get her counseling. But he shouldn't allow her to behave like this.

DH is being ridiculous. Divorce means no more togetherness.

What idiot planned this? And by NOOOO means do your children go.

What a insult!SdrfF

Oh wow, my DH would never go to BM's house for anything unless it was to check to make sure she's dying with pain.

I agree with Hypovic; if he wants to be a crybaby about it, then he can go alone without the kids. There is no need for them to be there.