DHs alone time w/ the golden uterus...
Ok. So DHs ex a.k.a. The golden uterus, took his kids and left him high and dry no word besides being hit up with child support for almost 2 years. She recently has started talking to him (like 4 months ago). So we are having our first weekend visit with SS4 and SD2. Well, GU and kids know nothing about me or our baby girl. I've been keeping the peace and not saying anything. He had always talked to her when hes out. He claims its because they always call when he happens to not be home. Oh and the instance where he sat outside and talked to her, he didn't know what would be going on with the baby and if he would have to go back outside anyways. Well, now I find out he wants to go ALONE to get them. Ooooook. Why? He says taking two cars is toooooo much of a hassle. And he doesn't want us all to feel awkward. And hrs nervous already about seeing his kids after so long and they doing know they have a sister.
He had this whole speech about how I have nothing to worry about. And I'm blowing this up. He says he doesn't want her. He says he has exactly what he wants and she only contacts him concerning the kids. Am I being too stupid to try and see his side?
I just want to scream. I want to cry. I don't know what to say.
This situation literally has me sick.
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I think I remember some of
I think I remember some of your other posts and I think I remember thinking that this guy is up to no good. You hide things from people when you are up to no good. Why is he so intent on keeping you a secret from BM and vice versa? Something is not right in dodge.
He is giving you ever reason to doubt him here. I would tell him that until he starts treating you like an equal partner in this relationship that you will treat him like a lieing, cheating bastard. You are his WIFE for God's sake!
You have every reason in the
You have every reason in the word to be very upset. I would have expected for him to inform her about you and the baby on their first conversation. I don't necessarily think you should be worried about the two of them ( I just don't know) but keeping you guys a secret and all the calls away from you and going without you....I am very sorry this is happening. I would be crushed. Hopefully this will resolve itself soon.
He's hiding something. Since
He's hiding something.
Since he doesnt want to take 2 cars, suggest renting a van. That way there will be plenty of room for all of you in one car.
That sounds so shady. It's
That sounds so shady. It's shady that he wouldn't have mentioned you already though. If it were me, I would tell him that if he wants to go alone he will be coming home to an empty house. That's unacceptable. Even if, by some chance, he is just genuinely nervous about the kids and everyone being uncomfortable, that's still not a good reason to leave you behind. It's cowardly, and it could have easily been made less awkward if he had simply talked to them about you and the child you two have together.
This is honestly how I've
This is honestly how I've been feeling the most. He wants alone time with her?? I can give him plenty of alone time with whoever!
I would totally feel that
I would totally feel that same. In the end hun, you know your DH better than any of us. I do think that any way you toss it he sounds like he's taking the wimpy way, but I guess that's better than something like a cheating way.
You're about to take on a whole new ball game once those kids walk through the front door, and I hope he's prepared to stand his ground in the house you BOTH share. If he starts off letting them off easy because he wants to take the 'nice' way, it doesn't set a solid foundation for the future. Things will not just change over time; the roots need to be set early on.
This is REALLY what I want to
This is REALLY what I want to believe. That its about them not her. Because that would be hard to explain to children so young over the phone, "while you were away daddy had a new baby". I hope you are right!!!
Hmm... I think I might be the
Hmm...
I think I might be the odd man out on this one...
If he's got a crazy BM who "took his kids and left him high and dry no word besides being hit up with child support for almost 2 years." he might be afraid that she will take his kids from him again, and might not be aware of his rights...
Is there are custody agreement or something in place that she has to follow as it relates to his visitation with his children?
I say this because my DH had these issues initially when we started dating, he did whatever BM wanted because he feared she wouldn't let him see his daughter...I had to help him see that he had rights, and after battling with her a couple of times and him taking her to court when she didn't allow him to see his daughter when he didn't do or live his life the way she wanted...The judge had to end up threatening to throw her in jail, and that empowered DH to know that she couldn't just take his daughter...
Your DH might be of the same mind frame...
Also, you going is a bit "extra" to me...Why would you want to traumatize the kids? Your presence along with a new baby will DEFINITELY do that. He needs to be able to ease them into this...Should they have known about you all along? Definitely! However, if he's of the aforementioned mind frame, he doesn't know how to do that, AND possibly keep some thread of contact with his kids...Sure...He's totally "effed" this up, but GOING FORWARD, your presence can do more harm than good...
My focus wouldn't be on trying to go (I really don't see the point of that), my focus would be on trying to get my man to screw on his damn balls, and man up to his rights as a father and as a man to do whatever the hell he wants to do with his life...THAT'S what I'd be focused on...
Totally agree with you...I
Totally agree with you...I don't think she needs to be worried about him wanting time with her either...
and scoot over...I'll join you as a fly on the wall...
He knows his rights. We won
He knows his rights. We won full custody of SD10. His excuse for not taking GU to court was he was trying to resolve things the nice way.
I do see your point. I'm going to let this one go. He can go get the kids and I will be here. I do think that being here when they enter will establish my place in this home a well. I'm still going to be going crazy the whole time he's gone.
About the point that they should have alreadyknown about us and that he needs to man up when it comes to GU, yes, yes, yes! She got her nickname for a reason. And she will as of this weekend STOP running MY life, even if for now it is unknowingly. Of course I would love to know her reaction to the fact that the guy she thinks she has under her thumb has moved on.
Not to mention the fact that SD10 and I DO NOT get along, so I'm scared to death of 2 more skids. And I've heard that even SD2 mom calls her hell on wheels.
*DEEP BREATH* # I'm trying here!!
Ok...So if he knows his
Ok...So if he knows his rights, why keep the whole dynamic that is YOU out of the picture?
You say, "His excuse for not taking GU to court was he was trying to resolve things the nice way." What does him telling her about YOU from the beginning have to do with "resolving things"?
That's where I'm NOW giving your DH the side eye...
What's the "nice way" what would happen if he didn't do it the "nice way"? What would she do? If he knows his rights, there's really not anything that she could "do"...
I say this because I experienced similar...
I think that he may be afraid
I think that he may be afraid that if he tells BM and the kids about you and baby before he picks them up and that she just may cease communication again. He most likely wants to wait until he has the kids with him before telling them.
My bet is that he just wants to see his kids so until he see's them with his own two eyes he is not going to mention anything that could scare BM off.
Once he has seen them, if he then does not or continues to refuse to tell her....then you have a problem. I would make myself and my child completely known at that point!
Hmmm tough one. But shouldn't
Hmmm tough one. But shouldn't BM be told of this alone without the children first? Over the phone that is. Idk I agree with mamabecky. Same time I would keep my guard up. Tell him after their visit that you are all to get together a few days after. If he doesn't agree then something's up.