Can you talk with step son and explain the situation to him?

Maybe you could send him an email, because maybe he would read it and feel more comfortable then talking right now. Try to explain what happened and how bad your DH and you feel.

Could you DH go talk to SS face to face? Not give him the opportunity to ignore the text, the call, or whatever. Explain himself, apologize, and then leave it alone.

Honestly, unless you ignore the family it sounds like they will eat you alive.

I went back and read the original post. Here's the thing, Maria: Your DH does not get a pass on this. Our second child graduated last week. My stepson. There is nothing that would have kept my DH and me from being at our child's graduation. Nothing. If we had been confused about the tickets, we would have called the school and gotten answers. If by some chance we still didn't have tickets, we would have showed up anyway and even stood outside if necessary. Had your DH gone to the graduation and simply waited in the background, at least your SS would have seen that he cared enough to try.

We are custodial to all of our kids. My SS's mother drove five hours to be at his graduation. She and her mother don't really have much of a relationship, so her mother called me to make sure that we had a ticket for both she and her daughter. Your DH is the one who had the obligation to figure this mess out. That's what grown ups do.

You do what you have to do to be there for your kids, no matter what. I agree with the poster that said "this is not fixable". I don't think your stepson will ever really get over this. It's not a matter of blaming you. But I would guess in your stepson's mind, you are part of the problem.

I had to get my own mom a rental car, pay for her gas, and get her a hotel in order for her to come to my graduation. I am now 32 and it still bugs me when I think about it. Graduation is the biggest event in someones life when they are 18. From kindergarten up that is what they are working towards. I understand your SS's anger. Your previous posts indicate that SS feels 2nd best to BS...he has the better life, better stuff, etc. and since he suffers from that viewpoint your DH not being there only tells him that it is indeed true...and that he is not important to his father. It is sad really. I think your DH should simply explain his error, apologize, and then leave SS alone. Offer the party and the car if that is what he wants to do and if SS is not interested then that should be ok.

DH should explain to his mother that it was a bad mistake, he knows and is sorry...and that is all that needs to be said. If she persists she has taken it then to a point where he should feel justified in informing her that he will deal with his son and she can stay out of it and mind her own business. Good luck to your family. What a rough way to start the summer!

Hmmm, so send an email to the s/son and tell him to man up and aCcept an apology. If he wants the car he better turn up and get it. He has 21 days to have a change of heart or it will get sold.

Email to the family... I am sorry I missed my son's graduation. I called the school did they did not not clarify that the tickets admitted 2 people and I was not about to let my wife wait outside. I have apologised to 'son' and he still has the offer for the car for the next 21 days.

Do not make my wife out to be the villan in this. She encouraged me to attend and this was wholey my mistake and one I will regret. She did nothing wrong. However if you choose to continue to make this out to be a capital crime I will not be attending any family events for the forseeable future. I refuse to let my wife and myself become the Villans of the Month. I meesed up, I accept responsibility and now it is up to me and 'son' to sort this out.

And wait the 21 days and sell the car. The SS is now an 'adult'. Part of being an adult is accepting an apology. It seems that his son is setting him up to fail over and over again. This boy will learn the world owes him nothing and will chew him up and spit him out.

I've been in this same type of situation, especially with my husband's family & stepkids all talking behind our backs and making the situation a hundred times worse.

IMO, it's probably not about your DH missing the graduation, just them using the opportunity to attack your husband and you. I know that's how my stepkids are. My stepkids weren't happy when we got married and how much time DH was spending with my kids, so when my DH missed his son's college graduation (very different circumstances), they all pounced saying how horrible DH was. At least with my 'family', they didn't care about explanation.

My advice would be not to fan the flames. Explain to SS the best you can and walk away. Then it will be up to SS if he wants to have a relationship with his father, if he doesn't, that's on him, not your DH.

Obviously there are some issues in the relationships with all of you. There must be tension between you and ss if you or your dh even thought there was a possiblity that you didnt get invited. There must be tension between dh and his son if he couldnt pick up the phone to ask the kid himself about it. Although I could almost see my dh doing this-he just avoids anything uncomfortable so he would just "forget" to call.

However, I do not see what else he can do other than apologize. I do recognize that graduations are important, but sometimes people do have to miss certain events-I do not think your dh missing this event suddenly makes him the devil or you his mistress.

Did ss send an actual invitation? That would be a good place to write something like-"Each ticket admits two guests" or whatnot. IMO, it also needs to be a life lesson for ss-it is important for HIM to communicate info properly as well and he apparently did not bother to explain the ticket situation.

Additionally, your ss is being an asshole now. I have never ever in my entire life used the f word with my parents in any way shape or form. Have they pissed me off before? Of course they have-but that never did and IMO to this day still does not give me the right to disrespect and dishonor my parents in that manner. If he is angry-well then that's fine. He has a right to his feelings-BUT that does not give him the right to express them however he likes.

I have a hard time with your inlaws thinking this "kid" acting this way is ok. Did your dh make a mistake-based on lack of communication between he and his son? Yes he did. Did your dh apologize? It would seem so. I would tell your inlaws that the only party this kid is getting will be at your house. If he says he's not coming then he's not getting a party. If he says he doesn want the f'in car-then fine he isnt getting the f'in car.

And YOU have are certainly not to be blamed. You had nothing to do with any of it.

I agree with MommaBecky...