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Disengage??

mommy_of_4's picture

Submitted by mommy_of_4 on Wed, 03/16/2011 - 10:17am

How can I disengage myself from my skids without causing a world war in my house?? After all its his precious lying princess I want to disengage from...god forbid

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alwaysanxious's picture

Submitted by alwaysanxious on Wed, 03/16/2011 - 10:21am

maybe try a la carte little by little so no one notices... until you are fully disengaged?

alwaysanxious's picture

Submitted by alwaysanxious on Wed, 03/16/2011 - 10:36am

I have done things like stopping laundry when they go home. So maybe doing their laundry less and less? I don't offer help when they have a problem, i let dad step in even if its getting a jar open or something small. Basically, anything that he needs to deal with or see, I let him. Sometimes I spend too much time letting him off for things. I notice SO gets frustrated more because it can get overwhelming for him, but I use that as hope that it makes him think twice about having them more often.

Maybe they can get their own snack or drink. When they mess, he can clean it. I leave their dishes in the sink for my SO now. If I've told them the dishwasher is empty and the dishes don't make it in, well not my problem. Little things here at there. Just be consistent about those one or two things and add from there.

It makes you have to let go of your tendencies for cleanliness or making it your way, but it feels good NOT to cater to them too.

The one thing I really stopped was trying to remind them to do things so they don't get into trouble. Like making the bed or not cussing. Let them get into trouble.

newmom01's picture

Submitted by newmom01 on Wed, 03/16/2011 - 11:26am

Thats right thats what I do, but my husband notices this and says that i am distancing myself from them. But im like when I tried to treat them like my own I was told Im not thier mom and I could have input but the decision was between him and her. So thats when I started to pull away. But it is ok for me to take them to the Dr. and cook for them and clean up thier mess, and pick them up from school or daycare!!! Yeah right I stopped all that! you want them over, you want to make all the rules then you deal with them!

mommy_of_4's picture

Submitted by mommy_of_4 on Wed, 03/16/2011 - 10:41am

yes she lives with us fulltime. I don't do her laundry, she has to do her own. She is 13 and pretty much does most stuff on her own. As for dishes...I couldn't handle that because I have OCD and I have to do the cleaning. But reading your post has given me some ideas...thank you. maybe i will finally get some piece of mind, and have fun in the process...LOL }:)

mommy_of_4's picture

Submitted by mommy_of_4 on Wed, 03/16/2011 - 4:29pm

I have tried so many times to explain to him why I am so angry. I have done everything for those skids for the past 6 years!! He pays for stuff but like at christmas and stuff..I pick it all out. But according to them it was just daddy that did it all. I have threatened many times to be done with his kids. He gets mad and tells me how nobody in their right mind would ever stay with me if i treated their kids the way I supposedly treat his. Yes I feel very different about his kids then i do my own. So am i just suppose to sit back and smile when they drive those daggers into me? According to him I guess I am. It doesn't matter what his precious angels do...I guess I am just suppose to take it. But I have started putting my foot down and in front of him. I don't care. SD13 always tells me she doesn't want to be here and I so just want to say "well the feeling is mutual". Like thats going to hurt my feelings. My mom suggests that I just say yep anytime she asks me for something. Then daddy can't accuse me of being mean to his precious. Its really sad cause EVERY fight him and I have ever had (and theres been ALOT) have started over his kids. I am serious. I really don't love his kids at all...it is complete CONTEMPT!!