Holiday Fun!!

So BM is coming home tomorrow for the first time since she moved across the country in May. SD9 is anxious of course, who wouldn't be after not seeing their mother for 7 months? However, she has been picking fights with me for the last week which she never ever does. (now with her father that's a different story) She has to be right about EVERYTHING and will argue with me when she knows she's wrong. (I know I shouldn't argue back w a 9 yr old but come on I have to defend myself!) I hope this is not a new trend that's starting and that I'm going to see more of this as time goes on...any psych people out there who have insight? Is she taking her anxiety about BM out on me? Does she even know what she's feeling? Oh and forget about talking to DH about it, all he can think about is how he isn't going to see his precious little poopsie for 3 whole days. Come on, she's been living with us for 6 months straight, not a night off!!! I think he'll survive.

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I like your comment. You were

I like your comment. You were offering good advice and being supportive, unlike some other comments I've seen posted. It's so easy to point fingers and tell other people what they're doing wrong, so thank you. I am sure she must feel forsaken because I can't imagine how I'd feel if my mother had left me when I was a child. I guess I just don't give it a second thought bc she's been gone for 6 months and SD never says she misses her or wants to call her. But maybe deep down she really does and just doesn't know how to communicate it??

Yes I think that's probably

Yes I think that's probably it. It's possible she doesn't "miss" her on a daily level because this situation is normal to her but I am sure when visits with her mother occur it stirs up all kinds of feelings. As she gets older and hormones come into play it will probably get more intense. Maybe trying to talk to her about her feeling will help everyone?!

Thanks for your insight, it's

Thanks for your insight, it's very helpful and validates what she's probably feeling and has every right to feel. I guess my biggest problem with this is that I work so hard to make sure she's being raised right, does good in school, is taught morals and values and I barely get a hug goodnight from her. She always clings to her father and wants his attention. Then she talks to her mother on the phone (a couple times a month) and it's "oh mommy, I love you, you're the best mommy." I'm sorry but she's not a mother bc who would leave their child by choice and move across the country? I'm more of a mother to her and don't even have that title? I guess I'm the one who's feeling hurt here...

omg who are you? you put

omg who are you? you put things into such great perspective. that's exactly what i needed to hear. it feels so nice to know my feelings are validated. it's so easy to feel like you're doing a thankless job bc the routine of everyday life sets in and feelings/emotions tend to go unnoticed and undealt with. thank you so much and have a wonderful holiday.

EmilyMarie - I have only read

EmilyMarie - I have only read your comments and none of the others so sorry if I repeat - when we had SS for 3 years full time every time he would go to see his BM he would pick fights with me and tell me how great she was and how much better she was than me - it used to hurt me and then I realized he was just nervous about going to see her - during the summer when she could have had him for as long as she wanted the first two summers she took him 1 week and then in the 3rd year we told her she needed to see him at least 2 weeks - for the first two years she saw him 3 weeks total and then in the 3rd year she saw him 4 weeks total.

I found when he went to visit for the week - it would take about 3 days to get comfortable with her again and then they would only have 4 days left 1 of which he would get sad because he had to leave her - so it is because SD is nervous about seeing her mother and so she is fighting with the one person she probably now feels most comfortable with and that is you. My SS always use to tell me that out of the three of us - DH, BM and I that he knew if he came to me and asked me something or if I made a promise to him that he knew it would be fulfilled. He could not say that about BM or DH - I also think he fought with me because he did not want to get his dad mad at him or upset his mother because their visits were so short - so just know she probably feels very comfortable around you and this is her way of getting the anxiety out - you have to understand that while she is happy to see her mom she can't quite understand why she is nervous about it as well so it has put her in a funk and you are the brunt of it. Hang in there and enjoy your 3 free nights and tell DH to knock it off and man up - you all better do something fun while she is gone. Lucky for us we got married right around Easter so for the first 3 years of our marriage SS was always visiting his mother when we had our anniversary - that was the best gift I ever got from him - lol

My BS has struggled with

My BS has struggled with emotional safety issues and one thing the counselors keep telling me is that he fights with me because I am "safe". He knows that I will always love him no matter what happens.

I can be gone all day and leave him with DH (his BD)and things will get done, house will be clean, everyone is happy until I walk in the door and make one request.... things plummet, tears and anger come out and I feel defeated every time.

Then I have to remember that I am loved by him and I AM his safety net. Don't forget to be your SD's net of love and safety because her return from her BM's visit will most likely hurt you also.

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