Because of my SS and his mother, my BS no longer lives with me. I've become an EOW parent to him and it kills me. This affects every aspect of my life... and while they run around all 'happy happy joy joy' to quote you.. (DH too).. I get angrier and more resentful. I'm like you, I can't possibly see a day where I'll really like my skid. I just can't wait until its all over..and he moves out!

I think you'd feel much better if you didn't go to the skid visits (or don't go to all of them). I think it would be much better for both you and SD. You could use those weekends to get a lot of stuff done.

I can relate quite well. It is like you never have the "entire" marriage, just in between the "two" of you.

One has to ask, is it worth it? That I have learned is the biggest question of it all thus far.

Here is that most infamous word started by huntermom- "Natural" :?

That was quite rude of her but oh how can I relate to being treated like that as well.

Think of things this way perhaps, after she is done, draw a picture of you and "daddy" and put it up somewhere. Write on it: For SD7 }:)

I kid you not. My mind is moving more in that direction lately. Turn it around. That does not make you "mean." It solely proves a point.

Oh tofturkey reading your blog brought back SO many memories. It was as if I was reading my life story. My experience has been this: I have been with DH for 10 years. Skids are now 18 and 10. So I've been in their lives for a long time. At first, they made my skin crawl. They were bratty, expected DH to just buy, buy, buy, give, give, give, do, do, do. BM was and still is a piece of work. (Revert to my post from yesterday to get the jist of our relationship) I am a very tough lady. I had to mold skids to a certain behavior pattern that worked for me. I had to mold DH as well. Through many years of "mind-fucking" like P. Diddy says in "Get him to the Greek" I have been able to manage our situation that best way it can possibly be managed.
At first, when visits were EOW, I'd pick up my own kids and leave. I'd spend the day at friends homes, go shopping, take my kids to museums, movies. WHATEVER, so that I had the least bit of contact w/skids possible. Eventually, DH caught on and noticed that my disappearing acts were very much intentional. DH is a passive & quiet man and he is easily enlightened and has been good with following my lead when it comes to the skids. It is still a hard situation and is an everyday job per say. Yesterday my BS13 and SS18 got into an argument. DH was mad at my BS and wanted to reprimand him for being disrespectful towards SS18. Both boys were at the gym and came back together. WHen they got home they were laughing & talking about music videos. I looked at them both and said "So did you kiss & make up?" And SS18 said "yeah, it was just brothers crap." My DH was still bent out of shape and had every intention of reprimanding my boy. I simply told him "they made up. Stay out of it and let them handle things on their own." He agreed and left it alone. So like I say, it's a day by day thing. Situation by situation. Find a way to make it easier on yourself if you feel that your marriage is worth it. I love my DH and I knew that this was by far going to be the hardest thing ever. I still feel that way, but it has become much easier to navigate with time.

I can totally relate. I was married before but never had any children with him, so my current husband never has to deal with my ex let alone any children I may have had previously. I hate it when birthdays and holidays come bc BM and DH believe in buying big gifts for every occasion and I do not. I love my own daughter (who I have with DH) and would love to give her the world, but why raise an entitled child who appreciates nothing? It's tough because it's like they're still a family when it comes to decisions that need to be made for SD and there I am in the background, wondering what my boundaries are and what I feel I can say. DH will never know how that feels because he doesn't have any Skids, both children in our family are his. AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
I am so glad I found this website because I always feel guilty when I have these feelings. And then I get on here and see other people feel the same way. It's like no one can appreciate how stepmoms feel until you become one. You just can't explain it.

I feel that my BF has a double life also. We are in our own world when the kids aren't around but then when we have them EOW it seems that I get pushed aside as an outsider. I have never felt a part of the family and it has been 2 1/2 years.

I have to agree with the person who said to expect nothing from your skids. I have been struggling with the decision on whether or not to waste my time trying to make her a contributing member of society or not. I put so much effort into our relationship only to get nothing back in return. I have been in my SD9 life for 3 years and she lives w us 100% of the time. Sometimes I wish I had the issues that EOW parents deal with because at least DH and I would have some alone time when she's w BM. Mom moved across the country. So one would think that in time, SD and I would become closer. NO! I get a fake hug every night before bed bc daddy tells her to "say goodnight to em."
She has no interests and if she shows an interest in something, we've tried signing her up for different things, she bawls and wants to quit after the first time. (gymnastics, piano, soccer, girl scouts, etc) I don't believe in letting your child quit once they've committed to something, but daddy can't stand to see his little girl cry. So, I guess my whole point here is that DH undoes I have tried so hard to do for 3 yrs, so why bother anymore? It's just easier to realize she's not mine, never will be, and to focus my energy on my own daughter. Does that sound cruel?

That's so true, and so well put. I have been trying for 3 yrs and I guess it just gets the best of you sometimes. What's hardest for me is that DH and I obviously have very different views on parenting. That's something that has taken me 3 yrs to realize. I love him more than anything and he's my whole world so making our marriage work is totally worth everything negative that comes my way. He treats me so well and I couldn't ask for a better husband but as a father, he's such a pushover!!!!!