I wrote this after doing a lot of research and experiencing a lot of tantrums, fits and meltdowns. let me know what you think. This is my essay on Tantrums.

Tantrums
A child’s tool for control
And world domination.
By: Nobodytoyou
A tantrum is an act/lie/show. Ultimately it is a form of manipulation. A “Tantrum” is defined as a violent demonstration of rage or frustration; a sudden burst of ill temper. A tantrum is an emotional and sometimes “physical” act ultimately used as a tool to gain control and anything else the child desires. Most often a tantrum will immediately stop just as suddenly as it started as soon as the child gets whatever it is they originally wanted or if they feel they have “gained” enough.
A tantrum is not to be confused with a “fit” or a “meltdown”.
A “fit” or “throwing a fit” is a child’s way of expressing feelings and emotions that are new to them and that they don’t totally understand yet. “Throwing a fit” is defined as an onset, spell, or period of emotion, feeling, inclination, activity, etc.: It is usually used to “show” you how they feel when they are not yet able to “tell” you. It is most often used when they are upset about something you did, didn’t do or denied them of doing or having. A fit may also occur when the child is trying to do or accomplish something they are not fully capable of yet and as a result “throw a fit” out of frustration.
A “meltdown” looks and sounds like a “fit” or a “tantrum”. A “Meltdown” is defined as . What sets a meltdown apart from these other behaviors is that a meltdown is not used to “gain” or “show” anyone anything. A meltdown is a total loss of control for the child, emotionally and also sometimes physically. It is completely without purpose. A meltdown will continue even when the child receives whatever it was they wanted that initially caused the meltdown in the first place.
A tantrum is a TOOL used by a child to GAIN something they want. There are only a few reasons a child will use a tantrum. Tantrums are used to A: Gain attention. B: To get something they want that they were denied of. C: To get out of doing something they don’t want to, or D: It is used as a punishment to you for being denied of reasons A & C. Tantrums can also be used as a last ditch effort to get out of trouble. Their way of saying, “Oh I’m in trouble? Well now you’re in trouble.” All reasons still equate to a demand for control. The key is to never give into this behavior. If the child gains ANYTHING from a tantrum they will not hesitate to use this “tool” again. Even if what they “gain” is not what they initially wanted, they still learn that a tantrum equals gain and this gain equals control. As long as it works, they will use this tool again and again. The only way to stop this bad behavior is to stop allowing the child to gain from it. If all they get in return for a tantrum is some sort of disciplinary action, such as getting sent to their room alone etc., then they will stop using this “tool”. This takes dedication and consistency. You can NEVER give in. No matter how hard they cry, or how loud they scream, or how many times they say they hate you, you can never give in. Even hugging them and consoling them in an attempt to “calm” them down is giving in. They are still gaining your attention, and in return, they are gaining control. There is no “calming down” a tool. You are only proving the tool is useful. Thus, giving more reason to keep using it.
Obviously, you don't want the child to think that this is appropriate behavior or that it is a good way for them to get attention or what they want. Even if you don’t give in 99% of the time, that 1% is still enough for them to believe that the tool might work again. It is difficult to completely ignore them during the time of a tantrum. But you don’t want to “reward” the tantrum with any more attention beyond making sure the child is safe and not going to hurt themselves or anyone/anything else around them. If the tantrum started because they wanted something and you said "no," or you want THEM to do something and THEY said “no” then you must ignore the tantrum completely. Every single time. It’s easier said than done but still, it must be done and not just said. No person nearby wants to hear or see your child’s tantrum and neither do you. It’s annoying, frustrating, heartbreaking and embarrassing but what must be understood is that by never giving in is teaching the child that it is pointless for them to continue that bad behavior. They have no reason to continue when it never gets them anywhere. A child’s main goal is to progress and adapt. If the square peg doesn’t fit in the round hole, eventually they will move on and try something else. And in the case of tantrums, almost anything else they try will be better.