I'm really sorry you feel so bad. I haven't disengaged yet, so not sure. But, I sure know how to go on strike for people that take me for granted! Sorry for saying this, but your DH sounds like a shmuck! "wow"?? WTH is that? I don't care if he flew in from Egypt, finding a publisher for your book is a big fat hairy deal IMO!!!!

Disengaging is honestly one of hte best things I ever did. In my mind, it doesn't mean you have to ignore his kids. You have a right for certain rules in your home that affect you. For example - everyone put's their own dishes in the dishwasher. But other things you leave alone. Like if hte 17 year old doesn't have clothes because laundry isn't done -- Oh well.

I keep myself involved in the things I WANT to be involved in, the fun things. All the responsibility is left up to DH. If you want, there's a really good article I can find you you. I posted it in the forums last week but it's probably burried by now lol.

Disengaging is a very hard thing to do and I haven't figured out how to this tactfully..... if I ignore SD13 - I get called a b* by FH or told I am being obvious about it.

But I can't really stomach going out of my way to talk to such an ungratful, spoiled brat (YOU have no idea the hell she has put us/ME through in the past 6 months!!)

I wish I could be honest to FH and tell him; i won't be mean or rude but I dont' want anything to do with decisions or rides or anything like that.

Good luck; I wish their was a manual.....

i have disengaged from my teenage skids. i don't do their laundry - all i asked for was it to be brought to the washer but they couldnt' even do that so now either they don't have clean clothes or DH does it, i don't pick up after them - if their crap is on the floors or in my way i'll kick it aside or just throw it away, i don't clean their dishes - those get tossed to the side for DH to do. I'll make supper as normal because this is part of the process but i no longer ask their input and i dont' call them to the table. ss15 usually is circling the kitchen like a shart when he smells food anyway.
it became too much of a weekend mood wrecker for me to try to be nice to them. i do our laundry and some of the simple tasks, but i'm doing you a favor - you can at least thank me and rinse your dirty dishes. this went on too long and after bringing this up to DH to get a little support i got yelled at and was told "they're my boys and i've taken care of them before - you don't have to worry about it anymore - i'll do it." at first i was super pissed because this wasn't the goal to have a fight - i was simply trying to tell DH that at 15 adn 17 I think they can clean up after themselves a little bit.
after sleeping on it I thought - you know what - i'm not going to take it back, i'm not going to go to Dh as usual saying I'm sorry i didn't mean it to sound like that because i didn't say anything wrong and he offered - not nicely but in the end it was him saying he'd clean up after them - good enough for me!
i haven't touched a dirty dish of theirs and i haven't had to do their stinky laundry adn i haven't been happier. if i do something for them it's because i want to - not because i feel i have to.
I don't even pick up the bill or even bring my purse into a restaurant when we go out with the skids. personally i dont' think ss15 has manners enough to be taken into public. i see people with much smaller kids behaving better than ss15 does. chew one bite of food before jamming another in your mouth and you chew with your mouth open because you have so much in your mouth. other times he jams it in his cheeks so he looks like a damn chipmonk just not near as cute!!!