Thinks this is not going to help, am I wrong? Please give examples of this kind of stuff working...
SD15 has been extremely defiant. She is failing out of school because she does not do her homework, she actually does okay on tests. DH gets emails from teachers several times a week saying that she is not turning in her work. She has 4-5 Fs out of 7-8 classes. She never says hello to me. If I am cooking she says "Dad, what is for dinner?" right in front of me. She says she never wants to be home, she "hates" it here.
DH's solution was to give her singing lessons to distract her from her friends, make her come home, and as an incentive to do her homework. SD15 thinks she can sing. Well, he paid for about 5 and she has skipped 3. The instructor called again tonight and he is paying for me.
Do you think this will work to make her do better in school? Has this type of "reward system" worked for anyone on here?
Thanks!
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I meant to say more, not me.
I meant to say more, not me. He is paying for more lessons even though she skipped more than half during the last time.
IMO, she has missed 3 out of
IMO, she has missed 3 out of 5 lessons. Her failure rate is on par with her school work.
All he is doing is enabling her. If she asks him whats for dinner he SHOULD be telling her "Ask Want to be ...She is standing right next to you."
As for her schoolwork, DH needs to contact her friends parents and tell them his daughter is failing school and she is grounded for xx weeks or until her grades come up to an acceptable level. He hopes he has their support in not allowing her access to their homes because the last thing he wants to do is report her as a runaway.
He needs to put some work into the girl. Take her to a homeless shelter and work side by side with her to do some volunteer work. Let her see how bad some people have it.
But if he just wants to bribe her or pretend this isn't really so bad then she will only turn out worse. We are dealing with a 20 yr old SS in a halfway house because his mother thought she had all the answers.
Why the hell is she still
Why the hell is she still allowed to see her friends? If she can't be nice at home, then screw it, she can't see her friends.
Does she have a cell phone? Cut the damn thing off so she can know what it is really like to be miserable. When she learns to respect you, then you can let her earn some of her stuff back.
Cancel the damn singing lessons until she earns it. Tell Disney dad to stop being a damn idiot and do some damn parenting.
Take her bedroom door too. If she can't give you a little of what you want, then stop giving her everything she wants. She's probably laughing at yall because she knows she gets away with way too much. It's all about perspective and you need to show her how things really work in the world.
sd21, ss20, bd19, bd18, ss17, bs13, ds9. i've seen a lot of conflict and the shit she's pulling just DOESN'T FLY!
i say iscolate her happy
i say iscolate her happy rear....we did that when my skid (teen) was doing the same thing, for 2 straight months, she didn't see her dad AT ALL because she was sent to her room or was out doing chores....complete dad iscolation, and nothing but a step monster to deal with worked for her
Nope, reward to improve
Nope, reward to improve grades is ineffective for most kids IMHO. Reward is for actual performance and not to motivate performance in a poor performer.
Abject misery is a much better motivator when a kid is not performing as they know they should. Put her in a state of abject misery with the clear message that to return to some semblance of an enjoyable life she has no choice than to do what she knows she should.
Take every thing she even remotely enjoys away. No phone, no computer, no friends, no singing, no bed, no bedroom door, no makeup, no zit cream, nothing but baggy sweats for clothes, no contact lenses only big Poindexter glasses and ground her 24/7 until she pulls her head out of her ass. I would also schedule weekend tours of high discipline boarding schools and drag her ass to those. That should scare the stupid out of her and get the message across.
The only thing that motivated my Skid during his teens was the choice of adequate grades or abject misery. That was his only choice. If he made decent grades he could live the parts of his life that he enjoyed, if not we made damned sure he was nothing but miserable.
Military School works too if you can keep the other parent out of the mix. My Skid was an honor student and honor cadet at Mil School until his SpermIdiot got in to the mix by paying for the Skids WOW account and staying up nearly all night every night playing WOW with the kid.
We pulled him out of Mil School which he loved, brought him home to our local HS and stayed up his ass until he graduated on time. He had no contact with BioDad or the SpermClan except when they called him on our house phone. No cell, no computer, no nothing.
Misery works and it is soooo much fun for parents to implement if you keep the right attitude.
I agree you have to be firm
I agree you have to be firm and consistant. You have got to have enough respect for yourself to say i have had enough of this behavior.And only with hubby behind you will this work. Not paying for extra things for her to do she doesnt go anyway.Find something she cares about doing....take it away for a week...so on and so on eventually she will realize they r not giving in to me my behavior has to change to get what i want. just my experience