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One question that I have...why is my DH raising his kids to be so different than he?

Want to be a better SM's picture

My DH is one of the kindest and generous men that I know. He works hard and makes sacrifices for his family, like driving cars into the ground rather than buying a new one! He keeps a really clean and neat home. He has held jobs since high school.

When we dated, we talked about how we both put ourselves through college even though he did not really have to because his Father is a Physician and his parents had saved for his education. He went out and bought his own cars as a teenager and young adult, etc. When he proposed, he said that he thought we were really similar.

I guess I expected that would be the way he is raising his kids. No way...SS19, SD17 and SD 15 do not lift a finger around our house, the oldest does not work, the middle one works one day a week, and they all take money from him constantly. The kids drive his car, do not think anything of leaving him stranded if I am somewhere with my car, and return with an empty gas tank. It is a nasty fight every morning to get the kids to get out of bed and go to school on time.

Meanwhile, the kids complain constantly, want to go to counseling because they are depressed, and really talk to him so disrepectfully it breaks my heart.

I feel that if they did more, tried harder, and accomplished more, they would not have as severe depression issues. I know everyone will say that my husband allows this and that is why. To his defense, I think he is exhausted.

I am just venting...

Comments

jojo68's picture

I have wondered the same exact thing about my FDH...he is hard working, loyal, sweet and generous. He goes out of his way to make people happy that he cares about at the expense to himself so why why why...does he raise this 10 yr child to be a nasty, hateful, selfish, ungrateful child who is the most annoying creature on the earth...I just don't get it. I needed to vent too....

distorted reality's picture

I can totally relate to this. Many of the wonderful attributes that make me love my SO, are also the one's that make him a less than perfect parent (in my opinion.) In my case, SO didn't really want children. Because of this, he didn't parent to the best of his ability and regrets it horribly. Now he is in a no win... 'I can't change this' state of mind. Makes me uneasy.

Hang in there! Smile