First Entry -OR- How old is too old?
Okay, so this is my first time on here, but much like others I have lurked, and read, and observed. First post, finally got ticked off enough to write. DH is once divorced, 3 kids (SS20, SD15, SD 11) with BM (who is a blog topic all her own.
The two girls live with their mom, while SS lives with us. Among many many other transgressions, he basically does nothing. He works part time (underscore the PART) at a pizza place. He was taking college courses last semester courtesy of our dime, but just stopped going. Didn't drop the classes, mind, just STOPPED GOING. So he now has three F's on his transcript. He sleeps until about 2 or 3 in the afternoon, rolls up in time to go to work without showering or brushing his teeth. He drives his father's car, because he wrecked his. DH drives one of MY two vehicles (yes, mine. I paid for, and continue to pay the insurance out of my bank account with my money) so that SS can get to and fro work.
My complaint is this: The kid is making no effort to get out on his own. Hell, at 20, he isn't even a kid anymore. He doesn't pay any bills (ANY!) his only expense is gas for the car, which DH fills up at least once a month for him. He just dropped over $800 on some music equipment which is now located on the living room floor. He used my truck to pick it up (with the stipulation that he take the recycling for the week to the drop off-which he didn't) and he trashed up my truck with clothes, food, wrappers, and general crap. He also left it on empty (low fuel light and all) after it was on greater than half a tank. Needless to say he won't be driving my truck again.
He takes advantage of everything, and everyone, and I have HAD IT. As far as I am concerned he needs to be taking over his own bills (cell and car insurance) as well as possibly paying rent or something resembling obligations around the house. DH harbors a sense of guilt over the divorce and breaking up the family, as well as having been traveling for work the better part of SS's youth and feeling like he missed out.
What are some reasonable ways to meet these two knuckleheads half way? I know the behavior won't change over night, but I need some relief.
- anchorlizard's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Since his music equptment is
Since his music equptment is laying on the living room floor, I say hide it while he is at work. When he asks where it is, tell him he has to pay a ransom to get it back! }:)
Sorry, I am in an evil kind of mood due to stress.
I agree, I am not trying to
I agree, I am not trying to toss the kid out on his ear at all. I know some are slow starters, and as referenced below I should have thought of discussing this with DH BEFORE it was a problem, not after, but alas, I didn't conceive of it ever BEING a problem.
I like a lot of your input here, and am going to bounce them off DH. Though it is also my household, I feel based on SS's age, that laying down things like chores might be a bit more palatable coming from him than me (perhaps I am off base.)
^^^^everything Aims said^^^^
^^^^everything Aims said^^^^ plus....Who pays for his phone? If you do- cut it off. Tell Him if he wants it back on he will owe you "this" amount at certain time of the month. And dont give him a break- make sure he pays the full bill for his line!
I would take all that music equipment and hide it! And tell him he's got two months to "step it up" and start paying these bills: phone, insurance, and RENT.. then he will get the equipment back.
Be a BITCH!!!
I know that people forget to
I know that people forget to talk about things before they marry , but…this is one that REALLY must be addressed before marriage. “What happens with kids who graduate high school and still live at home”
DH and I agreed that all kid/skid could stay after high school graduation as long as they were a full time college student, part time worker and still do chores around the house.
Several months before SS’s HS graduation, he told me that he was just going to work part time for a year after HS and then see what he wanted to do with his life. I told him that was not very smart, but it was his life. Then I asked him where he was going to live while doing this since he knows that is not how we roll around here. LOL. You could have heard a pin drop.
I agree Blue Belle. NO need
I agree Blue Belle. NO need to toss kids out, but your approach was a good one. Adults shouldn't live with other adults without responsibiities. And I think this has to start way before they are adults. If kids want the opportunities and rewards of being in a household (benefitting from the hard work of others), then they need to show some sort of contribution to the household by way of chores, discipline, etc.
Tell DH not to let divorce
Tell DH not to let divorce guilt hamper his kid from growing up! In our case, I'm so glad SS19 ran back to mommy. He had come down to work here and play music and ended up barely looking for a job while blowing all the money he did have on booze. Spending days in bed after all-nighters. Told DH I was not going to support someone like that. He agreed with me.