Hi Ya'll,

Things had been looking up for a while here on the home front. I think that was in part to my disengaging for the most part from the sk dynamic. However, last night was kaboom and it all fell apart.

Yesterday started out fine. A nice morning, snuggles in bed with DH, pancakes for everyone. DH had made plans for us all to go to a friend's house at 1 PM.

So around noon-ish we leave the house, stop by to pick up a few items from the store then get to the friend's house a little before one. About fifteen minutes after walking in the door the two of them (my DH and other guy) set up computers in the back room so they could start playing their little online game. This was the reason we went over there and I had primed myself for it. The kids set up a movie in another room and I was in the living room with the tv, which was already on when I arrived. Anywho, hours past---the guys played their game, the kids played inside and outside and I hung out in the living room with the tv and the wife of the other guy. I tended to the kids when they got a little rowdy, when they wanted something to drink, the nine. So around 9:30 PM or so the other guy said he was done playing for the night. So we got to go home. I was exhausted and ready to go to sleep.

On the way home, I talked to the dog (which we had taken with us) and also told both kids that as soon as we get home to get ready for bed then go to bed. As soon as we got home, barely got the door opened---SD said "I don't have any pajamas to wear!" No one responded other than me and I was tired---I think I said "well" I knew SD had put her dirty clothes in the laundry that morning around 9 AM but never washed them, never even started. I knew DH had told her to take them to the laundry room too. I also knew that SD had clean pajamas to wear if she just looked for them (she has almost as much clothes as I do!). I proceeded to go to bedroom to get ready for bed.

I was brushing my teeth and next thing I know SD is coming in our room in a nice shirt and her only really nice skirt (primarily for special occasions). So I stepped out of the bathroom and said "Is that what you are wearing to bed?" DH answers for SD, "That is all she has to wear. She doesn't have anything else."

OK, first of all I wasn't even talking to DH---I was talking directly to SD since she is old enough to know what kind of clothes are appropriate for bed and a nice dress/skirt is not one of them. I was putting the responsibility on SD, not DH. But, yet again, he gets all defensive. Go figure?!?

I walked out of the room, went straight to SD's room, opened ONE drawer and pulled out a pair of pajama bottoms. Amazing, isn't it??? I passed SD on the way back to my room and handed them to her. Passed by DH and asked, "Did you even look for any pajamas?" He grumbled something along the lines of "I don't want to hear it or talk about it or something" I responded back, "I was just asking if you guys had even looked for something." He lit into me, making a comment that he knew would hurt my feelings and walked away to SD's room to tuck her in bed.

Needless to say (cause I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut sometimes), when the kids were in bed and he had came into our room I asked, "Why do you do that? Why do you always have to make some comment that you know is just going to upset/hurt me?" Guess what, as usual, he clammed up. When he finally did say something it was, "I warned you I didn't want to talk about it, but you kept on." Oh, ok asking you twice is nagging now?!? Then he made his little hurtful comment again. I explained how I thought he was acting immature and childish. I also explained that SD knows very well where her pajamas are in her room and that if she fooled him into believing otherwise then I'm sorry but that was her fault. I also explained that when I first asked I was asking her and not him. I told DH it was SD's responsibility to know where her clothes are, especially since she puts them away. He was still not talking to me, which he knows just ticks me off even more but yet I was still talking calmly while saying my peace. I told him that I'm sorry that he doesn't know where SD's clothes are and that was sad. I also told him that maybe he should spend more time parenting instead of playing games then maybe he would know where her clothes were in her room. yeah, that was probably harsh, but I'm sorry he knows that I have an issue with the game thing---heck, that has been a topic of arguement for a while now.

I told him that I felt used, that since he had gotten his way that day that it felt as though now it didn't matter if he was being nice to me or not. I also told him that during the 9 1/2 hours of him playing games it would have been nice if he would have stopped and spent some QT with his family. At this point his eyes were closed and he was deep into ignoring me. Nothing new.

So, I went on my side of the bed turned on my computer and the tv. I started back the movie we had started earlier (Fast & Furious) and pulled up my online college courses. He left the room with pillows in tow. No big deal for me---I wasn't about to chase him down to try to resolve the conflict that night like I used to when we first got married (because the situation can never be resolved when you only have one person talking).

I guess he figured out I was not going to come in the living room with him, which obviously irritated him so he shut off the power just long enough for me to loose my computer and my spot on the DVD. I didn't think anything of it the 1st time since our power flickers sometimes at night because of maintenance. But by the third time of me having to pull my computer/classes back up and find my spot on the DVD---I went in the living room and asked politely "Are you turning off the power?" He acted sleepy and dazed saying "Power? How would I turn off the power?" I said, "well I assume you have been turning it off since you had a smirky little smile on your face when I came in here." (Power box is in SD's room) And he starts laughing. I said, "I would appreciate it if you would stop, especially since I am trying to do my final project. I let you have 9 1/2 hours of uninterrupted game time while at your friends. I wasn't able to do my project there so I need to get it done now." I left the room. As soon I turned my computer/tv back on he shut the power off again! This went on about a dozen times, with the last time just shutting power off in my bedroom. I turned it back on the last time---I was mad, of course---and told him that he needed to stop being immature and childish. I also told him that I felt like he felt threatened that I was obtaining a degree where he has none plus not even working towards one (he quit about a year ago and will not start back---he quit when I stopped helping him do his work, then got mad at me b/c I wasn't helping him! But that is another story). I was furious so yeah, I said something along the lines of do you want me to be like you--no degree, no ambition and dumb? At least I am trying to better myself, he's not---which is another sore point for me. I told him that this is one of my core classes and cannot be taken again (I failed last semester b/c mainly of personal issues between us). I told him that I cannot take it over again and that I would be kicked out of my program and not be able to get my degree (plus owe a lot of student loans). He laughed this whole time, shot me the bird, everything but act like an adult. I left the room.

As I was starting my computer back up, he comes in the room and unplugs the main plug for the tv/internet/etc. I told him to stop, then plugged it back up after he left. Once again I go thru the process of bringing my computer back up. He comes in once again but this time unhooks EVERYTHING! All the plugs to the internet modem, router, tv, vcr, dvd, everything. He mumbles something like, "There, you can't fix that!"

I walked in the living room, I was crushed, stressed and upset about not being able to complete my final project and other classwork assignments. I normally have to ask him to fix the internet router since I have never read the directions and don't know how they work. I basically begged him to please fix the internet so I could at least finish my final project and classwork. He didn't answer, with me standing there crying and begging. I left the room. I cried for a little while, got the stool, couldn't reach the boxes/cords. I told him I couldn't reach it. He didn't care.

Sometime around midnight I ended up calling my mom. I tell her the situation thru my tears and after about twenty minutes she says let me talk to DH for a minute. I know, I pulled the mom card, but sometimes DH will chill out if there is another party involved. I'm not sure what was said, but I know she told him it didn't matter what we were fussing about and she wasn't talking to him to get into that---she just wanted him to reconnect the internet so I could get back to doing school work. He told her that I called him a name and that he didn't want to talk about it and that I could explain the situation. He handed me the phone back without saying bye to her. Oddly he has no problem taking money or other things from my mom but heaven forbid he be decent to her.

Anywho, I finally got him to come in there after that and at least drop everything down so I could reach it. After about thirty minutes, because he had taken one cord completely off both the router and modem and thrown it down where I couldn't see it, I actually had the internet working again.

During the time I was trying to get it to work he came in and asked if I had it fixed. I said no at that point I was still working on it. He smiled and laughed and said well I guess you do need me for something and I'm not dumb. Needless to say he came back in after I got everything working again, including the tv/movie. He said did you get it to work. I said "yeap" and you could tell that simply got away with him that I was able to figure it out without directions or his help. (I was actually proud of myself)

So last night I finished all my work up for my math class and some of my work for my anatomy and physiology II class. I then went to bed after I unplugged the modem.

This morning he gets up, takes his computer in the living room. No more than five minutes later he was back in there, looking around the armoire for the internet boxes. I said, "what are you doing? You're not going to mess with it are you?" He said, "No. You never even got it working last night because it's not working now." (Heaven forbid he believe that I could accomplish something by myself?!?) I simply replied, "Yes, I did get it working. I unplugged the modem because the lights were blinking in my eyes last night." He plugged the modem back up and left the room.

He came back in a few minutes later. He starting messing with the boxes again. He was putting them back on top of the armoire where he knew I couldn't reach them. I said "You're not going to unplug it again and have it where I can't reach it, are you?" He said no. Still no connection for him in living room. I said "I can't get connected either, I had it working last night. If you bring it back down maybe I can figure it out." Well that ticked him off royally because he went flying into the bedroom, unplugged everything again and threw the boxes down so hard that one of the covers came off. I said "if you break it the box, I can't fix it." I did tell him I didn't appreciate him unplugging everything again since I spent time hooking it up the night before.

However I plugged everything back up calmly. Tried it out, nothing. Hmm, called the internet provider. Nothing on their end either, so they scheduled a tech to come out Monday. Hmm, you think maybe throwing it had something to with it?? Duh.

Anywho, he chilled out for a while then worked on it for awhile. You see it was important to him this morning because he wanted to play on his game and he thought I was playing his childish little games like he had done me the night before. Hmm, I wasn't about to join in with the stomp-my-feet-temper-tantrum crowd. So after about an hour of him fiddling with it he finally got it to work. I cancelled the tech coming out tomorrow. I finished ALL my work for class including my final project.

So today, he has really not spoken to me or been in the same room with me other than to hook up the internet so he could play game. He did not fix any food for me or my son today but did feed himself and SD. I survived, I can fend for myself so I made meals for me and my son. I was also making some buttered toast earlier and SD asked for some after I had made it (she came all the way from her room because she said it smelled delicious). I told her sure I would give her a piece of mine. I also asked if my son wanted some. They both ate a piece.

I feel that it was a sucky night, but I learned something. I can hook up the dang internet without him. I also realized that it hurts him to know that I can do things on my own.

Just needed to vent today. Hope ya'll are having a better weekend than I.

Take care,
Anne