I think I'm losing my mind too!!!!
I recently married a man with 3 sons, ages now are 8, 10, 13. I thought I knew of the emotional baggage surrounding the BM. Long story short....she had an affair with the neighbor, separated from my now husband and then 2 weeks prior to the second custody hearing she killed herself. My husband had full custody prior to. The children are unaware of how she died. All they know is that "mommy got sick and died". There were allegations of neglect from her own parents, who called CPS on her after leaving them home alone when they were 5, 7, and 10. They tried to make their own dinner. NOW, 2 of them, the 8 and 13 yo still wet the bed, etc.... The 10 yo acts out with a bad attitude and has been known to be violent towards his brothers, he has a smart mouth. Yes, they have all been in counseling... in and out for a long time. I am having a very difficult time with them. They don't listen to me and their BF, my husband, refuses to see it for what it is. It's as if his attitude is "that if we ignore it, it will go away". He doesn't say that, but his actions say that. He substitutes after school events with some much needed counseling. Recently, he purchased a home, he didn't talk with me first and told me he would have if I had a better attitude. Everytime I bring up something about the kids he tells me I'm the problem and that I'm the one who needs to change. This isn't right. He has asked me to quit my nightshift job, essentially to be a stay at home step-parent. Which I did. I moved half way across the country to be with him (and his kids). Now I find myself alone, not knowing anyone, having no one to talk to with a husband that would rather turn a blind eye than face the facts. I just don't know what to do. I feel helpless and hopeless. If anyone has any good advice, I'm listening.
- txstepmom32's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
He purchased a home without
He purchased a home without even talking to you about it?! That's a little crazy, isn't it?
It's great the kids go to therapy, but do ALL of you go? It could help.
**my stepdaughters did not grow in my tummy, they grew in my heart**
I want to first tell you how
I want to first tell you how sorry I am that you're going through this. I'm in a similar situation as far as giving up everything to be with my husband and his kids, him making major purchases without discussing it with me first, and the kids having a hard time adjusting. The only difference is that they're BM is alive but her deal was drugs. It isn't easy, it takes a lot of hard work and patience. I agree with the above comment, counseling for all of you might be beneficial. At least it would help get the issues out and make you be heard by your husband, it might also help you learn how to better deal with kids and make it a more constructive home environment.
yes, we've all been to
yes, we've all been to counseling. The problem is, it isn't helping. The counselor told us well over a month ago to sit down and have discussions regarding expectations and roles. We agreed to do this. I wrote mine down, I don't know if he did nor not. And we have yet to have these discussions. I told the counselor that I would not continue to go because he hasn't made time for me, and definitely not to sit down and talk about these decisions. He expects me to get up with the kids at 0530, the bus comes at 0630 and then comes to me at 9p... well, by then I'm exhaused and ready to go to bed. It is a struggle for me day to day. I have given up my career, moved away from everything I know and I've put forth the effort. When does it stop? He tells me he wants for things to work, but his actions don't show that at all.
It's a tough road My
It's a tough road
My children's father commited suicide a year after we got divorced.
they were 5 (girl) 10 (boy) and 13 (boy) they are now,12,17and 20.
it's been a long road, and I still havent told my daughter the truth yet,, my boys have been in trouble with the law, school, my oldest became a father at 17 years old,I re-married and they gave my husband such a hard time,, it's been CRAZY,CRAZY,CRAZY,
BUT----- I adore my grandson to death, he bought a home (my oldest)
and Is a good dad,, my 17 year old is doing better in school,, trying to get things straightened with the trouble he's in with the law, and they both have jobs,,it broke my heart to see them go threw such a horrible time,, i feel the same way sometimes,, i pretty much live my life for them,, I DON'T have a life right now,
It will get better in time,, your step children feel lost, angry,
mad,sad, alot of emotions they don't know what they are suppose to do with,, it's a tough deal for the whole family,, my thoughts are with you,,