Sick and tired of being Sick and TIRED!!!
Just really frustrated and I don't know how long this will last...(everything..the aguing, not tellin me things..everything). Does it get any better? How do you deal with such situations..let it go ALL THE TIME OR KEEP FIGHTING FOR WHAT YOU BELIEVE IS RIGHT!? Ugh! (previous, DH filed CS on BM because he got mad at her and has been trying to drop it) So...DH hasn't had any luck in contacting the CS office to drop the CS. (because "him and BM can work something out" yeah right, history repeats its self and shes good at it) Court is this Thursday and he probably won't be able to go (he hasn't requested the day off because he didn't plan on following thru with it) but if he does he is going to just tell the judge he wants to drop the case. I'm already pissed off by far about this whole crap (because ONCE FREAKING AGAIN SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING) but just to add to it all..I'm getting disrespected! The fighting and arguing constantly about the CS and I never let it go and if I don't then I know where the door is..BUT THIS IS THE "ADDED" ever since BM got served shes been texting and calling WAY MORE THAN usual and almost ever text or call she's asking about court if he has contacted anyone, if hes dropped it yet, or if hes still going to do what he said he was going to do. Okay, so MY OWN HUSBAND wants to tell me to hush it that hes tired of being bothered with it BUT BM can freaking bug him constantly??????? Okay, I just want to slap them both!
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OMG, that has happened to me.
OMG, that has happened to me. Word for word, I have been through that! I don't know if it will work for you, but I did just tell DH, "Fuck it. Do what you want. Get screwed and pay for everything while BM gets to sit back and post pictures of "her" kids on Facebook and take credit."
Financially, it was ok in my situation, but I know if I was the breadwinner, I would NOT let it go! It depends on whether you are being supported by DH or not. Since I am right now a SAHM, I told DH to go suck it. He did end up getting CS from stupid loser BM though. Not much, but at least she is forced to feel the sting every paycheck!
I'm not the breadwinner by no
I'm not the breadwinner by no means, I'm also a stay at home mom...BUT QUIT MY JOB 3 YRS AGO TO WATCH HIS KIDS!!! There is just absolutely no respect (what I feel anyways).
Can you stand them next to
Can you stand them next to each other and slap one of them hard enough so that they smack into the other one?
I feel you on this. I've given up with my SO and any hope of him obtaining court documents to grant him any sort of power with GUBM, either to accurately calculate CS or have a legal CO in place so that GUBM can't deny him visitation and telephonic parenting time. I pushed a long time with SO to file a CO, to get it in writing that he gets SD x number of days a year, and y times of the year, for holiday a, b, and c, all of that jazz. He always said he would, but, he never did it. He's got a defeatist attitude when it comes to GUBM and doesn't feel like it will change anything, never has felt that it would change anything either. Long before I gave up on SO even getting a CO in place, I gave up on SO trying to fight for custody of SD. Honestly, I broke my give-a-damn as far as SD, GUBM, and SO are concerned. Don't get me wrong, I love and care deeply for SO and I do love SD. But. With all of the bull those three have pulled in the three years that I have known them, I don't give a damn if SO ever talks to SD again. His favorite excuse for hating GUBM is that she took his daughter away from him. Well, SO, I hate to break it to you, but, you had the power to stop her and you did NOTHING.
I don't say anything because I know it eats him up inside. He's not stupid and he knows that he can do something to change the way things are, that he could have done something a long time ago, that he should have taken SD away from GUBM the day she drove drunk with SD in the car, so, he lives with the guilt. And I know that not saying anything about how mad it makes me just makes for a happier home in the long run.
Perhaps your DH is afraid of what might happen? Just speculating and wondering, here.
But, your DH is going to do whatever he is going to do as far as the skids are concerned. At this point, though, he might as well just go to court, and, if he tells them he wants to drop it, so be it. It doesn't make it OK by any means, but, I have personally found a serenity attached to just not caring what SO does as far as protecting himself against GUBM and preserving his relationship with SD.
I tell myself to just let it
I tell myself to just let it be all the time...I just hate that "BM is getting away with everything and walks around with a smile on her face!" And SD10 told me that her momma always gets what she wants because daddy doesn't like to be on the phone and argue. Well why in the F does he continue to fight with me...a losing battle that I'll never win
""BM is getting away with
""BM is getting away with everything and walks around with a smile on her face!""
Remember, Karma - is a bitch. Someone told me something once and it stuck - 'sooner or later, everyone's bill comes due'. It's true. Just sit back, and wait. One day, BM's time will come.
My SO is the same way. I
My SO is the same way. I still feel anger over the fact that when GUBM is being a flaming piece of dog crap, he'll just talk passively to her and largely let her do whatever she wants because he feels powerless to do anything. He is so certain that if he stands up to GUBM in any way that she will prevent him from seeing SD. She already prevents him from talking to her. But, if I do anything that he disagrees with, oh watch out! Because he gets angry with me real quick. Part of this is related to the fact that SO has never dealt with the issues that he harbors as a result of being in a 16 year long abusive relationship with GUBM. He has only scratched the surface in couples counseling, but, needs to go see a counselor of his own. It's frustrating as all hell to be certain how they'll fight battles with you that really don't belong in your relationship, especially when you know how they just roll over and let the BMs walk all over them.
Your last sentence just
Your last sentence just nailed it to a dotted line! Right right right! (we have physical custody except during summer which is every other week and school year every other weekend. It will be easier for me to back off when I get thru school and working!
That's what I've told him!
That's what I've told him! It's ppl like "you" (meaning him) that help bad moms stay bad moms! If you actually MAKE HER DO SOMETHING then maybe we will see something (maybe not) but it's definitely tough just let it go..I am trying. I wanted to raise hell at him last night for "why in the hell does she get to be a pusher but I can't?" But I didn't..I got on here instead. As for coming to me and discussing things..never happens. I always have to be the one to ask "what's going on, when is BM coming, how is this going to work, etc" he never tells me anything!! But I can't be left in the dark..I am the one raising the Sks! I hate this situation..I am just praying things get better when they are grown!
If he leaves you in the dark,
If he leaves you in the dark, stop raising the skids. Leave it all up to him. It's not the most fun situation, especially if you like/love/enjoy your skids, but, unfortunately, if he's not going to give you the common decency of letting you know what's going on, or, including you in the conversations, then, he should be left to flail in the wind as far as taking care of the skids go. Again, this is so similar to my SO. He wanted me to assume the stepmom role but have no say or power in anything. Basically, he wanted an unpaid babysitter to take care of his precious daughter when he couldn't. I, unfortunately, drank the kool-aid and fell in line, caused myself much stress and grief over trying to appease him, give him what he wanted, yet all the while remaining powerless. It wasn't until I completely detached myself that I felt a sense of relief. Of course, I also had to disengage from SD because of attitude/respect issues, but, that's a different story all together. It just got to the point one day where I told SO that I no longer wanted to hear about the drama between the three of them. I told him that if he had any stupid drama to share, he had to ask me if I wanted to hear about it first. Because I was getting tired of having 0 power yet having so much responsibility when SD was around.