On the brink of DIVORCE
Sad, hurt, crushed..you name it, I'm feeling it right now. There has been so much going on lately too hard to explain it all but this is the latest...DH and I set rules and they get broken because BM can just do that. I'm not talking about in her home, IN OURS! DH and I had a set rule when it came to cell phones (kids had to be 12). We made this rule about 5 yrs ago. SD11 has a tablet and I allowed the "texting" app on it for her and BD11 but just a month ago had it removed because SD11 was using to her advantage (getting her way with family/BM..manipulation if you wanna say). Just to be fair, I took it away from BD11 also, she was okay with it. Not even a week after I did that, BM gets SD11 a cell phone. When SD11 brought it over here, I kindly asked her for it and I placed it on the kitchen counter until she left for her moms again. She was okay with that because she knows our rule. BM had a BIG problem with that and had a long wonder conversation with DH and all of a sudden DH doesn't "care" if SD11 has it because he didn't buy it. Yesterday, we went to pick up SKs (SD11 and SS7) and she came to the car and said, "You, let me know if SD11 gets her phone taken away again, okay? okay?" (talking to DH) Then DH response, "okay." Then BM looked at me with hate and walked off. Why in the hell am I being humiliated and he just sits there and not says anything. He always claims he isn't a person for confrontation or drama but clearly he doesn't and continues to not care about me, or my feelings or our rules we set together. Today has been a long day of fighting. I told DH that it would be best if we sought out professional help to save our marriage and he told me he would rather just split up before he ever sees a counselor. I'm breaking..I know we can't put everything on here (it would be a book) but I have just got to let it out and totally stressed and confused.
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You have totally described
You have totally described why I disengaged. Let him take full reign of parenting his kids. And if he needs help. there's always BM. He obviously is giving her full reign in your home and has just given BM a leg up by humiliating you and him sitting there with his balls in her hands.
You take care of your child and he can take care of his. I'd be raising hell with him. If he doesn't want to work on your marriage, I'd be packing and then let him stew in his own misery. He got BM, right?
Hang in there. I would seriously disengage and take care of you and your child.
This life is a roller
This life is a roller coaster. Skids are young do you want to stick around its a tough decision but it needs to be made. DH needs to man up and stand up for you at all cost
House rules are house He
House rules are house He needs to enforce them. I personally removed myself from situations like at a pick up/drop off if that were to occur for my own sanity. I think you should remind him of the house rules and if your SD brings a phone, the house rules still apply. If BM doesn't like it, that's ok as well. She can do as she pleases in her own home.
He would rather split up than
He would rather split up than see a counselor?!? That comment would have had me packing my bags right there. I'm sorry, but in all honesty: that is a HUGE Rex flag concerning this comittment, his love, and his inability to sacrifice. Why are you with a guy who wouldn't do something so simple to save you? Life will throw you WAY harsher things like sicknesses that require constant doctor visits. What then? He'd rather bail?
I honestly would have told him point blank in that moment: "you realy just made it very clear you don't value our relationship much and you are NOT a safe person to put investment in. I'm thinking I'd be better off finding a more committed and emotional intelligent partner. You are right, we don't need counseling, I need to move on and find someone who values me and their family.
I agree with the
I agree with the above...however, I am one who sticks to my guns. When BM walked up and said that, I would have have asked SD for the phone nicely, got out of the car, walked over and said in my oh so pleasant, I can't stand you but you will not make me look bad voice and said, " Here's the phone you pay for. At OUR home, kids don't get cell phones yet, so you may as well take it now, and in the future just keep it at your house. Thanks!" Smiled sweetly and sashayed my ass right back in the car, looked at DH and said, "Okay, we can go HOME now" and then let him deal with ME when we got home. But that's just me. I've been stepped on and walked on enough that I no longer take shit from anyone...skids, BM, MIL OR DH....If he can't stand up to her, is he going to stand up to YOU...and if so...let him...it's his own walking papers....
^^^this! What a panty waist.
^^^this! What a panty waist. About the only thing in this step life that my DH DOES do pretty well, is put BM in her place when it is warranted. My DH would have told her to go fuck herself
That's funny. And I agree.
That's funny. And I agree.
I agree with Sueu. He has no
I agree with Sueu. He has no idea how to be a husband. Look at his previous relationship. HE had a Bitch telling him "You, you..." instead of even using his name. He fully expects her to go off on him. This is their history, this is their game plan. He needs to change the rules of the game.
First sit down with him. Ask him calmly and quietly what would be the worst thing that would happen if he told his exwife/partner "No". What would really happen? If he said "No, we do not have cell phones at our house." She would get angruy. She would fume and try and blow up his phone. But in HIS house she is not in charge.
And then tell him you do not want to sit at his side while she disrespects him so horribly in front of his kids. It makes your blood boil she treats him so badly. You want to get out and rip her voicebox out so she can never talk like that to him ever again.
See, he needs to know that he CAN say no. It is healthy for him to say no to her.
Because otherwise he is still in a toxic mesh with her calling the shots as in their marriage/relationship. This isn't about you or the cell phones. This is about him untangling himself out of his old game play with his ex.
Until he is untangled from her his marriage to you is second to her. I am sure he doesn't want two women fighting and blaming him. He wants a calm quiet life.
So ask SD to do the right thing. Just tell her "You know what you need to do. So please do it. These are our house rules and your father made that agreement with me for ALL you kids." I would hazard a guess and say she would put it on the table.
BM will blow up DHs phone. But you can tell him that this is the house rule. If he wants to live by BMs rules he can move back in with her. And maybe let him know you suspect BM has the phone app to record and video our home at will. "There is an app for that..."
Edit: I checked your bio and it says you have the Skids with you everyday. This is your DHs time to shine and tell his ex "No, when she is 12 SD can have a phone. You may always use the home phone or call between 6-8pm when she may use her phone to speak to you."
Haven't changed my bio
Haven't changed my bio yet..but they no longer live with us. They moved in with her back in April. He gets them ALL his days off and then some..sometimes it's like they still live her more than half the time.
Thanks ladies..This is really
Thanks ladies..This is really all comforting even the parts I don't like reading. The fight was pretty bad yesterday. I was told "when it comes to BM and SKs to stay out of it from now on, they were NO longer my kids. I'm an instigator for everything that happens. If I don't change my ways, I know where the door is." He's a different person. Sometimes I questioned who I married. To save my marriage I'm just gonna have to sit back and pretty much be a door mat...