BM Drama Ruining Relationship
BM, who is already in the middle of contempt proceedings, violated the CO again. Cops were called -- the whole nine. There is Court this week, another mediation, and so on and so forth. It's exhausting and starting to take a toll on our relationship. Can anyone relate?
It's not that it's my SO's fault even. I see him on a regular basis making more of an effort with me, and going out of his way to do little sweet nice things for me. We haven't had an argument in forever (*knock on wood*) and things should be good. I should be happy, right? Instead, I just feel kind of blah about him and blah about the whole relationship.
I am just tired of constant drama that has nothing to do with US. It's this other outside force that just stirs it up and I'm fvcking tired of it. At this point, there isn't really anything SO could do either other than perhaps just forgetting about SD and moving on with his life. Not saying I wish that at all, mind you. I'm just saying that it's clear that as long as SD is around, the drama will ensue because her mother is the mayor of crazytown.
Perhaps if we were married I would feel differently. Perhaphs if I knew with certainty that one day we would have a child together, or if we had a child together I would feel differently. So much of my future - OUR future - is hinged upon all this BS. SO says that it's not the BM situation(s), but rather that our situation right now is so stressful. Well, duh... it's stressful because of the BM situation so even though it may not be because of a bad experience with BM (or XW) there is a direct cause and effect relationship here. And I'm tired of it.
Just wanted to whine.
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So much of my future - OUR
So much of my future - OUR future - is hinged upon all this BS.
^^THIS^^ is the conversation I had with BF the other day, my exact words were this,
I'm tired and feel hopeless, I wish BM would just stop her twisted game, I wish you Mom would know her roll as Grandma and stop sticking her nose where it doesn't belong (these 2 are our biggest casues for drama)I wish this whole court thing was over and you had your boys back, so we can move on with our lives, get married, have a baby and continue building our future together.
No your not alone, BF says we can still get married and have a baby and continue on with our lives, but I REFUSE to bring another child into this chaos, not only are his 2 affected by the drama, but mine are as well, they are old enough to understand what BM is doing, but not old enought to understand why!, they have become close to the boys so they miss them and they see the tensions it causes in our home!
The whole thing about it
The whole thing about it affecting the bios...I thought that H and I hid the BM craziness that we had to deal with from my DS20 when he was growing up, until I said something to him the other day about BM trying to get one last increase in CS before SD turned 18.
He said to me, "I don't know her at all but I'm allowed to hate her, don't you think, mom?"
From a kid whose SF held him to the higher standard than his own...I felt SO terrible that my son had this unnecessary stress brought into his life because of who his mother decided to marry...
Piss me off even more. He may be 20 and on his own but that hasn't made the mama grizzly go into complete hibernation!
"Perhaps if we were married I
"Perhaps if we were married I would feel differently. Perhaphs if I knew with certainty that one day we would have a child together, or if we had a child together I would feel differently."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
don't count on it! I used to think the same thing. I think that after I had our BS who is now 13 months old, that my resentment of skids and BM drama got worse! Almost like the protective mamma bear came out in me. Here is a perfect example. It was BS birthday and DH, BS and I went to dinner. DH was planning on taking Skids skiing the next day. Well our dinner started off with DH having to sit and text BM back and forth about nonsense. DH finally text her and told her we were at dinner for BS birthday and to leave him the F alone.. which miracle of miracle she did. Then after dinner, we had to pick Skids up at the mall and then take SS his BM's house because he forgot all of his ski stuff (insert major eye roll here.. so typical) then he couldn't find his coat, forgot his ski pass, so we had to turn around and go back and by the time we got home poor BS was alseep, but still had to have a bath so he was miserable and I was pissed beyond belief because stupid BM and SS ruined the whole night and am STILL pissed about it. It just gets soooooo freeking unbelievalbly old after a while.
DH is the lucky one that we are married because I problably would have left by now if I hadn't taken those vows.
I am glad I am not married to
I am glad I am not married to this insanity....If I were married I would feel differently (trapped)! I am not the 7 yr plan. In 7 yrs his kids will be out of school, maybe then I might marry him. My SO is the love of my life. But I know if we married I would resent his kids, the time they take from us, the never ending fixing of the bad manners, poor hygiene, the constant drama from "crazo" his ex wife etc.
This quote by you is exactly how I feel!
"So much of my future - OUR future - is hinged upon all this BS. SO says that it's not the BM situation(s), but rather that our situation right now is so stressful. Well, duh... it's stressful because of the BM situation so even though it may not be because of a bad experience with BM (or XW) there is a direct cause and effect relationship here. And I'm tired of it"
You and I understand each other we are in the same place...and I am tired! not just tired of it tired!
You are absolutely not alone.
You are absolutely not alone. I felt similar to this for a while. I think the "bla" feeling is more out of self protection than anything. It was almost painful to let myself feel really enthusiastic about the relationship because then the drama seemed that much worse, that much more overwhelming.
For about six months, I felt like everything we did--from renting a movie to having dinner to going to the mall--was somehow dependent on what BM wanted or planned to do for the day. Just two months ago, we had decided to take ss5 to the movies and BM showed up unnanounced at the last minute and made us late. It was just constant. I had a bit of a meltdown over the whole thing, and FDH ended up drawing some major lines for BM that have really helped.
Until you decide what you want to do about the relationship, try focusing on the little things. Pick several of the daily issues that drive you up the wall and insist on BF doing something about it. This really helped me out.
That said, the whole thing is a pretty devaluing experience. You feel like BM comes first. Skids come first. Everyone comes first but you--even if that's not how FDH wants it, that's sort of how it is. As long as she has his kids, she's going to have this weird short cut onto his priority list.
I thought the whole thing through one time and realized that--even if I had ten kids with FDH--I would never have the BM shortcut on the priority list ... not unless I left him and started using the kids as leverage, which I would never do.
so yeah, it sucks sometimes
^^THIS^^ again and again and
^^THIS^^ again and again and again.
You would not believe how many of us are with you. This is a constant, and just when you think you are getting strong enough to look past the bull and the drama, something else happens that just adds to the mix and turns your world upside down.
I love DH with all my heart, and when SS3 is not here, the whole world is magical and I could seriously want nothing more. It isn't that I don't love SS3, because I do (raised him since he was 14mo - we kept our relationship separate from the child until we were engaged). We went through mediations, court hearing, Magistrates, and now with a new CO -- which shockingly :rolls eyes: she violated in multiple ways, so now we are re-opening and issuing Motions for Contempt, etc.. Never ending battle right ladies?
Anyway, now that we are taking her back for Vio of CO, her Wednesday night visitation has turned into the seventh ring of hell - McDonalds :sick: and Ring Pops :sick: EVERY VISIT - He comes back to us at 8pm, exhausted, sick to his stomach, covered in candy (which ruins his clothes, that we pay for of course)... and we are left to handle his snotty baby ass attitude. INSTANTLY RUINS MY DAY.
Anyway... just know that this is never going to get easier. I have done the whole "I want a family WITH you, but I don't want one until this is cleared up" -- well you might as well say "I will check ya when your kid is grown and out of the damn house" cause it will never stopped, unless the Courts stick it to BM and do away with her visitation.
Hope in one hand, shit in the other - see which one fills up first.