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Ss23 wanted me to be the first to know

SMto3's picture

Submitted by SMto3 on Sat, 04/22/2023 - 4:39am

Ss23 wanted me to be the first to know the baby's sex. Because he has a history of being so manipulative, as much as I want to believe this means something more than what it is, I mostly don’t. I think Ss is finding out now that the only person in his life who is doing well enough to help and in his mind should/would want to help is me. His mom is already mentally gone from what I hear (says demons speak to her, thinks human are AI) and DH was never the man to head birthday parties or anything of the sort. 

Ss23 called me the night I got back from Tennessee last week telling me he has the results in an an envelope. I picked it up from him while he was at work and he wanted me to open it and know my reaction. I had DH open it first then I peeked. He’s having a boy. Can’t tell him as he “wants my help” in planning the gender reveal and baby shower. 

2 days later he asked what I would be doing the following day and said it was because he and gf wanted to visit, but I was very hesitant. I spoke to DH first about it because I was anxious that Ss was going to maybe ask us to move back in, or maybe he’s trying to set the stage for a new normal of them being over, which I’m not ready for as I have all these other issues with Ss18 and I feel that the boys have always kind of had an unhealthy alliance against my household. DH was annoyed, he said that I’ve always said I wanted us all to be closer and now that there’s an opportunity, I’m pushing it away. I’ve just been hurt too many times I guess by the boys to allow myself fo believe that this is nothing more than an attempt to gain closeness to have free babysitting. 

I am happy for SS23 in one part because having my daughter was probably my greatest blessing and I want him to experience that, but  on another, I don’t believe he’s ready to be a father and he doesn’t understand what a blessing it is to be one. To start with. I don’t see his relationship working. He still operates like a little boy and is still about that club life and wanting to look cool for IG. I do think there’s a big possibility that he’ll cheat, or get bored and mentally check out, and I think the girlfriend will kick him out. 

I hope not. I hope he changes with the birth of this child. But I can’t tell you how many people I wished changes and actually did

Comments

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Submitted by Exjuliemccoy on Sat, 04/22/2023 - 8:44am

If you're planning to end the marriage, don't you think you should start fading back from the skids? As the only functional adult, of course they turn to you to provide emotional labor and keep up the appearance of "normal" in their family. This makes you a convenient resource rather than family, no matter what your H says.

You've married beneath you to a man that expects you to be the parent he's too lazy to be. Please listen to your gut and see a few divorce attorneys so you can get your daughter and yourself away from these people.

SMto3's picture

Submitted by SMto3 on Sat, 04/22/2023 - 5:48pm

I'm not planning to get divorced as of yet. I'm making certain moves to protect my property and to move Ss18 back to DH's apartment. Whether DH wants to pay the rent for Ss, or have him move out, it'll be less in my face as I don't plan on living with SS. I've told DH already that I enjoyed my peaceful time without SS in my home, and I told him I'd be asking my brother to move out of his apartment so that he can have it for SS if he should want that. DH will most likely continue to do on the road trucking but at least I won't be forced to live with his son. 
 

I also expect to interact with his children because they are my daughter's brothers but I want it to be on my terms. Strategically moving SS18 and DH (and supposedly myself and DD) out of my house and back into DH's apartment means that if SS23 chooses to visit, he will be doing so at his father's apartment vs my home. 

ndc's picture

Submitted by ndc on Sat, 04/22/2023 - 12:59pm

He wanted you to be the first to know so you could plan and pay for a gender reveal party.  And since his prior request to move back in didn't work, he probably figures that since the baby is more "real" (now that you know the gender AND were the first to know), you might be more likely to let them move in.  You need a lot more "actions" that show change before you open yourself up to this kidult's manipulations again.

SMto3's picture

Submitted by SMto3 on Sat, 04/22/2023 - 5:51pm

No way in hell will I ever live with Ss23 again, and I know that this move of his most likely to set up a more solid relationship with his girlfriend and myself but he's never shown himself to be trustworthy, so I'm moving with caution right now. I've also lacked the maternal instinct in that I'm not one of those baby people, so he can't get me there either. I won't be his babysitter, free or not.