The return of SS19
Last weekend we went to a friend’s house to hang out. This is someone I met at work a few years ago who is married and has children with spouse and they both have children from first marriages.
While we were there, things began becoming tense when they shared their last argument, which was somewhat over his adult son. H then starts in on how he is a committed man, he never takes his ring off, and the day he does there will be a huge problem. I probably shouldn’t have said anything but I responded that I’ve only ever taken my ring off twice, and the last time had to do with me finally setting a boundary over adult sons staying over with gf and sgrandbaby.
Of course, H continues on and on about what we already discussed, saying how it’s not fair because I’ve allowed his friends to stay over (which again I only allowed maybe twice so they can avoid DUI with kids in car). I tried to explain that since SS24 moved out we haven’t spent time together alone regularly (only if it’s an event they came over), and we had never been invited to his place. I didn’t want to set the start point at the sleepover level because I wanted to build up to it, to see if it’s something I would have wanted.
I finally gave up and told DH that he can go ahead and have his sleepover. I told him to ignore my boundaries as per usual and I’ll just compromise as per usual. I figured I’d let him have what he wanted, but was planning on making myself scarce when they came. I was livid, but I told myself that when they came over, I’d make it a point to go pull an all nighter somewhere (something I’ve rarely done in this marriage).
Well, the universe had other plans. Ss24 called DH 2 days later, saying he had to turn himself in because there was a warrant for his arrest and they broke his door down. We didn’t know it at the time but they had taken SS19.
As it was, I had just lent SS one of my vehicles so I set up to pick it up before he turned himself in, plus I was curious about what it could be.
Turns out, he had 2 illegal firearms in his home. I watch a lot of murder mysteries so I knew they don’t just issue warrants, there had to be more to the story. So I asked if he committed any crimes with these guns. He said last year he shot at some people in a Chinese store because they were “pressing” him. I can’t tell you how surprised I was, but it wasn’t shocking. Ss24 is a bad decision maker, and with time his decisions are getting worse and worse.
Well, to make a long story short, I helped retain his lawyer so that he could at least stay out and stay working, though his lawyer said our state normally carries 5-15? I think for each weapon. I also had to bail SS19 out, and he is now living with us again.
I am beside myself with anger. That was 7k in a span of 2 days, 7k I didn’t have and added to my credit cards all because DH comes with all this baggage. And the worst part is now SS19 is back, and though DH promised he would force him to get a job, yesterday he cooked, served him the food, and stood watching tv with him most of the night. I had asked him to speak to SS19 about getting himself on a schedule, so that he’s not up all night and sleeping during the day, but I’m not sure if he did that. I could hear SS walking around at 5am.
I’m angry to be the only person working, and now SS is here, eating the food I buy, putting on the heat, using the water and generally existing on my dime. When we bailed him out, I told him he needs to find work, and McDonald’s is really close to where we live. He said he’d work anywhere but fast food, which DH responded that if he does find work in a week, he will have to apply for fast food.
SS19 told us so many things about SS24 and how he’s living, including that he cheats on gf and brought other girls to her apartment to screw while she was at work. He said one gun belonged to the gfs father and the other she got from someone in her past, but SS24 is such an idiot, I’m sure he passed both as his own and blabbed to anyone who would listen because he wants his street cred so bad. This is why it got to police knocking his door down.
Had SS19 listened to me, he wouldn’t have gotten kicked out of jobcorp and wouldn’t have went to live with his brother. I called it all. I knew he would get kicked out, and I knew he would last with SS24 about a year. A year is almost exactly what it was before this whole thing exploded and now he’s back with is. So all of that moving out I did was futile, he ended up here at the end anyway. I will say that his attitude seems to have changed and he did clean yesterday, but let’s see how long this lasts after he has to start working and operate in this world.
I’m angry that when the year started, their mom passed, neither SS was working or able to help with their plane ticket or hotel room, and I paid for it, and here we are ending the year on 2 gun charges, and it’s costing me money and my freedom in my home.
After my last post, I did try to consult with an attorney but no one reached back out. I feel like DH broke something inside of me, and while I love him dearly as my daughter’s father and as a person, I find that I don’t respect him, nor trust him. Yes, I did tell him “I told you so” and he was angry about it, but so am I. 12 years of this and I’m sick of it.
- SMto3's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Why did you have to put up
Why did you have to put up the money? Why are you the only one working? Stop giving them your car and your money! Stop letting them back in! Let them rot. 3 adult men. And the SSs more worried about "street cred" than anything else. You can't fix that.
SS has firearms and shot at
SS has firearms and shot at people in a store, he doesn't have my sympathy and I would not have given him a dime. Offering bailouts only reinforces the idea that he can just do whatever without consequence.
I would put the onus of SS24 onto your husband....dealing with him, anything to do with him whatsoever. It's ok to bow out of the dysfunction, you no longer have to be the glue holding them together. That's one thing you can do. Disengage, bow out, stop doing anything for SS, including cash and allowing him over.
What was SS19s role in all of
What was SS19s role in all of this that went down with the police? Was he involved too?
Yeah, i'm not clear on each
Yeah, i'm not clear on each SS's role. It says SS19 was "taken" but SS24 has to turn himself in? Who shot at the people in the Chinese restaurant? ETA What does "pressed" mean? I don't speak gang banger so idk. Do you want your child to grow up knowing? Get her the fk away from these guys.
Nothing apparently
SS19 told me he knew about the guns and that as 24 would take them outside almost daily. What SS19 did wrong though is that he didn't listen to me to complete his vocational training and got himself kicked out last year, and that's how he ended up living with SS24, his gf and s grandson who was a month or so at the time. So he was being used as a babysitter, but it worked for him because he didn't have to work. But I knew him living with Ss24 would be an issue in some way.
ETA: pressed means to put pressure on, but I think Ss24 is lying. Apparently he was with his felon cousin when this went down. I think Ss just felt big and bad because he had a weapon on him.
Between all that and him
Between all that and him cheating on his own BM, it's clear SS24 is not a good person. His values and goals are being "bad", and anyone associated with him will be brought down with him. No way in hell should this sociopath be allowed to have "sleepovers" at your house with your child. Sounds like it's only a matter of time before the state takes his own kids away from him unless his BM has the sense to leave him.
He was arrested. Nuff said in
He was arrested. Nuff said in answering questions about SD-19. LEOs do not just arrest people for no reason.
IMHO of course.
Besides, any answer SD-19 gives to that question will be complete, utter, and total bullshit.
If you don't already have security cameras
I would run out and get some due to H's criminal adult crotch droppings. That is step one.
I believe that you mentioned you own the house or you are the primary person on the lease? If so, time to get eviction papers drawn up for H and his 19-year-old. Around here it would be H's full name, SS full name and write down et al to include any friends or gf's that SS might bring into the house.
This should be your line in the sand and at the very least should be a separation if not outright divorce. H is a tenant by default and so is SS 19, so they would need to be served eviction papers and if anybody questions it say you are separating.
You may need to find temporary lodging while this is occurring for your safety. Have the sheriff do the set out and get those locks changed.
Why in the world did you bail SS24 out? He shot at people, he
Why in the world did you bail SS24 out? He shot at people, he could have killed someone. What happens if he skips bail? Can you afford to lose that much money? It sounds like SS19 was arrested to - did you have to post bail for him as well? There is no way this ends well for you as long as you keep these three men in your life.
You said you reached out to attorneys and no one called you back - please try again. If you could consult with an attorney and see that there is a way out of this mess, it might give you the strength to take the first step.
It was ss19
I bailed ss19 out, Ss24 was bailed out by his gf. But before he was even arrested, I helped him retain his lawyer before I knew the details. Now I'm just pissed at myself for intervening with his full karma.
So, SS19 was staying with
So, SS19 was staying with SS24, and both were arrested because SS24 had a warrant out for his arrest for having the guns in his house and shooting at people in a restaurant (thank goodness he is a bad shot and didn't hit any.) I still don't understand why SS19 would have been arrested. Wasn't the warrant for the other SS? And this happened at the other one's house? What were SS19's charges? Did he try to take part of the fall by saying the guns were his or something?
All of the above was just out of curiosity. And to say that SS19 doesn't sound to be on the straight and narrow either, though he doesn't sound as bad as the older one. Is this the environment you want your child to grow up in? It's crazy to me that your DH wants these guys sleeping in your house so badly. Just no. I think they all sound hopeless. Any chance you are getting any of your money back?
I don’t
Get it either. Ss24 was at work when apparently the police kicked his door down, found both weapons in his room, and ammunition in the closet of Ss19's room, which ss24 said he wouldn't have known about because they were high up on a shelf in that closet. Idk why they took SS19, and not Ss24s gf since her name is on the apartment (not her dad as I initially thought). SS19 is being charged with 1 gun and ss24 with another. As far as I know it seems this is not about anything else, so they don't seem to know about the shooting in the Chinese store, though I told H that should be enough for us to cut him off. Ss24's lawyer said they will do that for leverage, and to force Ss24 to say both are his. I think both guns were loaded so I don't see how ss24 will manipulate his way out of this one. He will lose his job his dad got him if he has to do time, and he will be a felon.
There has to be more to the
There has to be more to the story. The warrant was for SS24, not for the shooting because the police didn't know about it, but just for having unregistered guns. Lots of people borrow or gift guns, though. How would the police have known if someone didn't report the guns stolen or report that they were used in a crime? I know some police departments over-reach and stomp on civil rights sometimes but they aren't just getting *warrants* with people's names on them with no evidence and searching houses hoping to find guns. And SS19 has just been living there with no job for how long? Doing what besides babysitting? Both of these SS's are hiding something. I don't think you or your child should be sleeping in the same house as either of them. Don't be "taken" by SS19, you've already loaned him a car and sunk thousands.
I'm getting the same vibe
I'm getting the same vibe about both of them too. I don't think that SS19 is the hapless innocent bystander. I think the two of them were involved with some illegalities.. someone who knew them reported that they had guns.. perhaps they made threats to people? The gun was in SS19's room.. I doubt that he was unaware of it's presence. It sounds like both of them have a future in the justice system and not as a lawyer or judge..
I would not want either in my home either.. no telling who they have gotten involved with.. and you and your DH and your home could end up caught in literal crossfire.
I agree, this doesn't pass
I agree, this doesn't pass the sniff test. The poluwere just randomly looking for undeclared guns? Nope not buying it. Even here in France, where we don't have a firearms culture, the police won't kick in doors looking for guns unless ... you are suspected of planning terrorist activities or similar and they'd be looking for significantly more than a couple of guns.
If you bonded SS 19 out of jail, the paperwork should indicate
If you bonded SS19 out of jail, the paperwork should indicate what he was charged with. The police aren't kicking in doors just to take guns - there has to be way more to this story.
Also, if SS19 was innocent
Also, if SS19 was innocent and got arrested for just being at the same house (some kind of accessory charge to the illegal guns or attempted murder) that sucks for him. But, if just being in proximity to the actual criminal can result in arrest, that's all the more reason that having SS24 do sleepovers at your house is completely ridiculous. All of you guys could end up being accessories. Your DH has abysmal decision making skills.
Sorry, I misunderstood. What was SS 19 charged with?
Sorry, I misunderstood. What was SS 19 charged with?
Why?????
Why are you loaning cars and extending bail money to either of these two?? Especially the one who shot at other humans?
Do a re-set with yourself. Get that grown man out of your home. Tell you DH he can go with him, if he doesn't like it. Get with the bail bondsman to ensure you get your portion back and not the SS.
Again, why???
Your DH keeps showing you who
Your DH keeps showing you who he and his children are and you keep putting on those rose colored glasses hoping to gain a different view. These grown ass men are not diapers, it’s not your job to change them.
Why TF burn your money on this shit storm of genetic refuse?
You have to realize that at this point this is all on you since you facilitate it and you fund it.
STOP THAT!
Pull your bail and make them wait for trial in jail. I would. Get your retainer back from the lawyer and make then go with a PD. Throwing good money after bad is insanity.
What could there possibly be to love dearly about someone, either a father, a spouse, or a person, who has progenated this shit storm of dysfunction and criminal activity?
Please pack up and get yourself and your young DD TF away from these three shit men. Go far. Never look back.
Hopefully both SS's get the max of 15yrs for their idiocy just to keep them TF away from you and your DD and even more importantly to protect society from their crap. I would make sure that the police find out about the shooting at the restaurant. Though that may just be a load of horse shit served by SS-24 to beef up his street cred. I would still let the police know about it.
My SS's SpermIdiot tried that crap as part of his gangbanger wannabe bullshit. He was pulled over by LEOs with SS in the infant seat in the back of his ghetto low rider hoopty. DipShitiot bailed out of the car and ran into a corn field leaving then infant SS in the car alone. The LEOs found a loaded gun in SS's diaper bag. They called DW at work to come get the baby or he would be surrendered to CPS and put into the system. They were going to arrest the SpermIdiot at SpermGrandHag's house but she called a Judge who intervened to save the Hag the embarrassment of having her idiot son perp walked out of her house in front of the neighbors and TV cameras. She dropped him off at the back door of the Police station the next day.
The SpermIdiot had a notable arrest record but SpermGrandHag being the "cleaning service" for several law firms and Judges offices and their homes was able to keep the DipShit SpermDad out of prison.
Meanwhile 25 years later and back at the ranch, SpermIdiot spawn #3 is in prison for armed burglary. This is the same kid who was arrested on a gun violation at 16yo when he rode his bicycle through town with a gun in the waist band of his gangbanger wannabe track suit. SS flew to SpermLand after his younger half sib was arrested for that crap. His sole purpose for that trip was to put the SpermIdiot up a wall by his throat and to have a discussion that if any of his three younger sibs got in trouble again for the SpermIdiot's gangster wannabe parenting crap that SS would be back and it would be game on. SS made it clear to the SpermIdiot that SpermIdiot would not come out of a second discussion unscathed. The SpermIdiot had been in some at the moment popular martial art but a recently out of Military Basic Training very fit, muscular trained 20-ish YO warrior humiliated his BioDad by having him gasping and thrashing against the wall in seconds when the SpermIdiot attempted some goofy self defense crap on SS. The SpermIdiot avoided SS like the plage for about 5 years after that. Only during our last family trip to SpermLand for our 20th anniversary vow renewal did the SpermIdiot show up at the Hag's house when SS spent a few hours there with his SpermGPs and the half sibs. The Spermidiot stayed on the other side of a car form SS when he stopped by to say hello to SS.
Half a dozen years later #3 reported for his prison sentence as a felon. SpermGrandHag's lawyer and Judge network would not touch that with a 10ft pole after intervening on the SpermIdiot's behalf repeatedly over the years at SpermGrandHag's behest. SS has not had any interface with any of them in half a dozen+ or so years. Though they attempted many times to get SS to send money to support his younger half sibs, for lawyers, etc... He never sent a Cent.
Please do not do this to yourself and your DD any longer. Keep your money and use it on you and your DD.
I fear for both of you.