When I know the boys are coming home from school, I start to tense up. And I feel guilty a lot of the time because I think they do care about me, I just don't care about them sometimes. I'm resentful still. Resentful that SO gets to have Monday through Wednesday kid free, and Thursday and Friday he's going to bed at 4pm to do the overnight shift, so in a sense he doesn't deal with the kids on those days either.
The apartment, though nowhere near as messy as when I first met him, is still messy most of the time. SS16's excuse for not cleaning his stuff is that he gets home late from boxing every day. It's true that he gets home at about 830pm but then he's on the phone with his girlfriend until at least midnight, and he takes a 2 hour shower during that time also. Do you guys think it's possible for him to clean his stuff up during that time? Or is that too much? Or maybe does he need to not practice so much? And just like I mentioned in prior blogs, he's basically been cutting and failing, his least absences from a class was 10. The most was about 27. I told SO to ask him where he's been going, why does he pretend he's going to school, who is he with. But all he says is "I had a talk with him and told him he'd better pass". I think he needs consequences or to have boxing taken away for a week. But I'm noticing that SO seems to be of the mind that SS16 is going to make it big in the boxing world so I think he's afraid of taking that away from him. He's still more likeable than SS11.

SS11 is still just very selfish, and though he's a lot better in school, I still feel that every single thing he does is hoping he gets something in return. For example, he'll offer to clean the dishes (none of which are mine or DD1's) and I'll tell him okay, but then he expects something afterward. Or I go out to buy something and he wants to come along with me just so he can get something. He's a brand whore already and he likes to talk about all the stuff he had when he was a baby (oh, I used to have those Nautica pants) or something. I just don't like him most of the time. His mom bought him a cell phone and when he gets home, he'll call SO to basically ask for me which is really his way of saying he's home alone, then he'll call me to ask me where I am or tell me he's hungry. I told SO that maybe SS16 needs to take him with him for boxing because I don't want to have to do things for him I don't want to do. Especially seeing as SO himself doesn't make sure the boys have something to eat on the daily, why should that become my responsibility? I've told him over and over, if you're not going to cook, at least leave them some money to order something because I can barely do it, especially with DD1 who has the most energy of any child I have ever seen.

Plus when SS11 is home alone, he doesn't do anything productive with his time. He always denies having homework. And he just wants to watch senseless stuff all day. Or talk about things I don't want care about (the show Empire he watches with BM, or things of that nature). I looked in the computer history. Kid watches porn at 11. Well now that he has a phone BM bought him, he no longer uses the home computer but I'm sure he'll watch it there too. I told SO he needs to enroll that kid in an after school program or something. Because I just can't come up with that caring kind stepmom that wants to watch skids while SO works. I just want to deal with DD1, she's already a handful. I can't not tend to her for anyone else. So kid ends up alone anyway on a device. He needs to go to an after school program.

I just keep telling myself, he'll grow out of it like SS16 grew out of that stage, but I'm tired of waiting for things to change.