Venting frustration
I guess as a kindly rounded view there is nobody to blame, and people, particularly long suffering grandparents are entitled to live their life.. But, it always ends up affecting us!!
Back story, dh walked away from family home he'd worked his backside on, with just his clothes leaving her everything and taking a rubbish settlement. Because he didn't want his 3 Yr old son to suffer, eye roll, bm did that by asking him to leave as she thought she cld do better.
When we bought our house in another town, it seemed coincidental to me that bm mother lived literally around the corner. Dh is a fussy thing n we looked at lots of houses.. Transpires he'd discussed it with bm when they were playing sickening let's pretend 1st and 2nd family for ss benefit. It suited bm to offload ss onto granny for our overnight contact 3 times a week without affecting her big career. Yes buy that house!
Lately, our bd is going to nursery and school in Sept, so I've started to gamble with my dreams and inheritance, in developing property, albeit miles away. So I've found the only damn childcare I can find for 1 later evening a week, I'll have to manage, and so will dh as it coincides with having ss, both kids straight from work. But easy, he gets ss from granny's right by our house n heads just into town to get bd.
Bm emails last night, that before we see the sign, granny is moving, into dh and bm old marital home!! Kick in the teeth, but equally it's now going to really eff things up. Dh works in x Town, hr away from home, to get bd 4 who has to be collected 630 to 7, it'll then instead of being around corner a 45 min drive at least there n back to granny's house. Bm immediately fires take the short cut to that town first, no because our childcare isn't negotiable. Then unbelievably she fires back that oh well ss needs to be in bed by 8 to 830 on a school night, and also he needs to do more of this n this homework. Lady are you deaf? These kids will be getting dragged from pillar to post n nobody will have eaten by bedtime let alone start homework?!
I may or may not be making any sense but I dnt want my 4 Yr old dragged all over til 8pm because bm mummy daycare changed. And it's not worth it there's no quality time for dh n ss. Do we say a) meet half way b) sack that night off c) chose another night like Monday?
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Comments
I'm totally confused.
I'm totally confused.
BM was dumping SS on Granny 3 nights a week and DH would pick him up from there? And now Granny is 45 minutes away? But BM needs him for childcare - is it court-ordered? Does SS spend overnights with you guys? Why can't Granny watch him on those nights BM needs child care?
If it's not court-ordered, tell BM it isn't happening anymore. Or she can drive the kids to your house, which is close to where she was dropping them off at Granny's before she moved?
Yes sorry
Granny used to go get him from his school and keep him until dh gets bk 630. For our overnight contact. Now bms instalked her into bm n dh old marital home 45 min each way away. Whilst I've only just set in place only 1 night childcare I can get to travel for work so it can't and won't work out
Sorry
Knew I was rambling. Bm and dh lived In a house in 'yellow' Town.. Dh was pushed to leave, met me and we moved to red Town, happened to be a 2 min journey to bm mum.. Bm then moved in with her bf in blue Town. So, 3 nights a week granny gets ss from school and keeps him there until dh gets him and brings him here for overnights. But, granny is now moving into yellow house/Town(dh old marital home bluh) , so - instead of leaving work and landing home with bd and ss at 630 it'll now be 830 at best before he gets home with both kids
So SS goes to school in Red
So SS goes to school in Red Town where BM lives?
Does DH have overnights on weekends? Seems like these weekday overnights aren't going to work anymore. If BM wants them to happen, she needs to drive SS halfway.
Yes
So poor granny even has to drive to bm Town to take him to school n back too, it's ridiculous. I even tried saying that can bm not fetch ss from gran when she finishes work and take him home to wait as her town is slightly easier to get to. Or granny take him bm. Nope because she obviously wants two kid free nights still.
I hope bm is not finding it quite so amusing now the whole 'by the way mum is moving.. Into our old house' (blurgh) if she'd have cared to even say to dh this might be happening will it affect our sons care, the answer would've been a great big yes. He cannot go the quick bypass way, you overlooked that he might have to help with care for our bd4, so chose another contact night or forget it. I don't want to go back to weekend stays, he comes 1 day every weekend that's enough for me
Why I wnt go back to weekend nights
Because it nearly ended our marriage.
Used to have ss every other full weekend. In UK the cms only recognise the nights as access not the days. So, we were paying her crazy amount of cms and she gets the child benefit but we are feeding and entertaining him for 2 full days that are being accounted for! Now dh choice I know, but we would take them out both days like ball pits farms etc simply because the kid was hyper noisy and annoying as f, and it saved us going mad n house getting trashed. By end of weekend we were at each others throats. Aaand then I worked out how much money was being dedicated to this kid in our stupid system. They don't account for difference in income or that both houses put a roof over his head n pay bills. They just go on money per nights stay. So I worked it out fairly, ignore house n bills. The mother is getting 70 pounds a week for the kid we are paying about 40 for the privilege of him not killing bd or wrecking house. Do we spend 180 on bd every fortnight period? No we do not so she either reduces maintenance (refused) to reflect the days or he only comes 1 manageable day a weekend. Now I've given her option of Monday Tuesday night, that's it.
Well, I was right with you
Well, I was right with you until you started talking about DH not getting to see his kid because it's inconvenient, messy and costs too much for you.
Dh does see his kid
It went from every other full weekend to a day each weekend which works out better every which way for everyone, not just me. If he was better able to control his child then be a different story but its not. As much as he tries after the child's been back to bm who he's a carbon copy of (loud, show off etc) it all starts again . And I don't feel guilty, I've witnessed all his paternal relatives at gatherings Eye rolling cringing and what not at the behavior and the noise. Plus we were being sabotaged all the time, mummy wld let him watch a late movie n eat crap til midnight on the Friday so he'd come to us shattered and idiotic
Build
Build your dream house! Move in and let them figure this one out!
As for granny..she knows what's up! She wants to play their game?? If its around the corner. Have them walk home!
Don't worry my friend, your ok! If you let them see you stress they feed off of it!
BMW like to pull this shit because DH loves his attention being fought over! Wierdo..but they do!
Work on building your own empire! You got this!
Thank you
So much that's very kind of you. I'm not actually building my dream house at the moment I wish I was. I'm trying to buy and do up 3 but to let places to create income and investment etc, but I only have Thursday childcare to do the 6hr round trip to the area the houses are cheap enough to do so. That's what kicked all this off, I put things in place then it all gets messed up, or would have done until I said no, change contact day