Just ranting about finance
Myself and dh have separate finances. He has always pleaded poverty above and beyond the bills. So I was under the impression he had very little left every month, and whatever was left of mine Is ours.
Subsequently I sort out our daughter's birthday and Christmas every year with no input from him. But he does manage ss and mine.
The other day he said that ss had asked for his birthday money early (November) and 300! This week.
I said oh I didn't think you can afford it this soon what with you saving a bit every month? Also it's a stupid idea for a multitude of reasons , including ss probably not bothering to show on his actual birthday. Eyeroll
All he said was I manage my money it's fine.
So yesterday the cms statement for the year came. Asked If I could read it.
It appears to me that hubby makes more a week than he says he does. Cue a disagreement , him getting all defensive and just keep repeating that he manages his money.
My situation being that i don't work in summer ,as I have no childcare so have to save all year to cover 6 weeks , plus my daughters summer birthday. Plus now her christening straight after. So I started to boil about never getting any help with that.
Out of desperation he asked if i need any help with those?!. Er ya!!!! U think ?!
But I thought he was always struggling!!!
Grrr this Is not done with, I want our finances on a platter this weekend. Feel like I'm being taken for an idiot
- Lifer33's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Ya.. Keep on it. Financial
Ya.. Keep on it. Financial transparency. Tell him you'd like it from him as you have been transparent with him. That you need to know how much each other makes you so can best balance the family finances together as a team in a way that makes sense. It sounds like he is taking advantage of you by saying he has less and leaving you scrounging on your end and sharing your extra amount with him while money is tight for daycare etc
Financially, you are a single
Financially, you are a single mom with a roommate. Seriously. A roommate from Craigslist would pay half the rent and utilities plus THEIR food, etc. Your DH pays for himself and SS while you cover yourself and your JOINT child? What else does your DH bring to the table that offsets you dealing with a skid and a BM?
Edited response
Does he contribute to rent or just bills? By bills did you mean rent too? Either way it still feels like hes under contributing and also being fishy about providing financial transparency. Seems like he wants fun money you don't know about when he could be helping out more.
From what i gathered, her DH
From what i gathered, her DH pays his half of the housing and everything for him and SS. OP pays her half of the housing and everything for her and their joint child. So, basically like living with a roommate where you each have your own children. OP is on her own as far as supporting their joint child. OP correct me if i'm wrong.
Thats correct
We pay half bills each , our daughter does a load of extra curricular all of which I cover, plus birthday and christmas. Sometimes I also have some left to buy OUR Holidays , DIY etc.
All based on the impression he has very little left after bills... it doesn't appear that way now. Seems like he's hoarding a pot, and his way of shutting me down was to ask if ' I need help' with our daughter's expenses over summer ! I was speechless !
his way of shutting me down
He was slick hoping you'd be an "independent" woman and say "no I got this" ....
Instead you need to pull a page out of these BMs t3sticle claiming playbook
Put on a cleavage bearing shirt, fall into his arms, fake cry and be like "idk even know what I'd do without you helping me take care of our daughters' activities/gifts/clothes"
If this doesn't work then when he tries to ask for intimate time tell him you've been having severe migraines from the stress of carrying all your daughters financial needs that you would be more intimately attracted to him after he helps you cover 100% of the expenses
Time for the old spreadsheet
Income in. His yours. Expenses, rent / mortgage, taxes. Electric, phone , tv , CS .....
'Going by income. The split shoukd not be 50/50. His income with CS out he still should pay close to 50/50. Unless CS is low.
'You are supposed to be a family, he had another kid , he has to support his second family.
This ^
Time for him to learn EXACTLY where the money goes. He seems to believe that the bills pay themselves. He doesn't get to wash his hands of his daughter. What an apology for a parent.
Hey, Lifer33,
Hey, Lifer33,
From what you’ve written, it seems clear that your husband is withholding a percentage of his earnings to spoil his son and buy his love. We see so much of this on StepTalk! How hurtful it must be, to realize that one’s husband is preferring a previous bio to his younger, a wrong of which the less favoured child is always aware.
The pain of feeling like ‘the lesser’ does life-long damage and there are many, adult members who can testify to that fact. Hon, your husband is not playing fair; his guilty response at being found out speaks for itself. It’s past time to bring clarity to your finances and share even-handedly.
Yeah
We know exactly how much buying a kids love works!
Out of desperation he asked
Tell him yes! If you a good husband you shouldn't even have to ask you should offer voluntarily
Some men get off on you sobbing, being desperately in need, having crises
the ex Disneyland dad I used to deal with would rarely offer money unless I came to him with some struggle story.
Whatever! .... you can play their little games on the front end to get what you need or condition them to offer without you asking or continue to be "independent" while they spend their money outside your household