Well, I think you two have to sit down and discuss it.  I'm like you in that I don't care about "stuff", more about experiences such as vacations, but others do care about stuff.  I can see how he might feel he has no discretionary income to spend as he wants, because his income is going to all the bills, and then it sounds like you have control over the house repair funds and the vacation funds.

Figure out what works for both of you - maybe a small "allowance" each month would be enough for him to feel he can buy what he wants, and the same for you. Maybe you slow down the house fixing so that you can each have this allowance (if you choose to go ahead and spend it on the house, so be it).  If you both do like holidays, then plan together for those as well.

In other words, it seems you have to find room in the budget for him to have some spending money.  That might mean splitting finances or it might just mean an allowance.

DH and I have a joint account and then our own separate accounts.  We have decided how much we put into the joint account and retirement, and then the rest is our own to do what we wish.  If we decide we need something new for the house, or a house repair, or a trip, we then fund that separately.  DH does buy more stuff than I do, but not a ton, we are both pretty frugal, and he makes 30K more than me, so it works out.

As tog says you two need to discuss this.  Then you both need to make a budget that covers all of the points you agreed to spend money on.  If you are really far apart, you may want to get a financial counselor.  Money has been the bane of many a relationship.

DH and I have separate accounts where our salaries get paid.  Then we have a direct debit to transfer our equal budgeted amounts into our joint account.  The joint account is used to pay of all of the household bills.  Anything left over in our personal accounts is our money.  We both buy stuff but not that much.  I do buy designer stuff but I buy classics that last forever (literally have a 20+ year old black Ralph Lauren sheath dress and jacket that I still wear, I take my handbags to get them refurbished and bring them out when the come back into style).  DH is in a mid-life crisis, lol, and has bought 2 lockdown bass guitars.

We both buy food for the house from our separate finances but I buy all the wine and he buys himself beer.  (Weird but it works for us)

Having said all that, holidays get paid for by me.  My DH is older and semi-retired so I earn more.  If I want to do something expensive, I pay.  If we go out to eat, DH pays if it is inexpensive or if we are treating his sons and I pay for the real treats. But mostly we live well within our means.

It's important that you both agree on shared financial goals... whether they be for more near term spending like on proximate house repairs... annual vacations.. or for long term planning like retirement or larger purchases like a new car.

There can be a lot of different ways that finances are divided.. people may take into account the relative earnings in the home.. the relative USE of housing/utilities/groceries and it's also a good thing if there is some ability for both parties to have a certain amount of discretionary income.

So, housing/utilities/groceries.. generally you might look at a split that would take into account how many headcount each of you is responsible for.  But, if you are not working full time in an effort to offset need to pay for something like childcare.. it's also reasonable for him to pay a larger cost on top of the "per person" split.

But... how you decide to allocate your discretionary spending.. fancy clothes.. meals out... vacations... it will need to start with a brutal and frank look at your current budget and spending and figuring out what is truly left over... and then deciding what is most important.

It's been shown that "experiences" tend to make us happier than material items.  So... that fancy pair of trainers.. become old and scuffed quickly.. you will always have that lovely memory of Corfu... or trying that little tapas house on the back alley in Madrid.  I'm with you in that I would much prefer to be able to create experience related spending opportunities vs buying designer clothes that become worn and outdated quickly.  If you really look at "real" rich people (not the kardashians)... they actually don't tend to flaunt their labels and brands... that is the hallmark of the "new rich".. the ones who are insecure and have to show the designer as some personality trait.

So, being able to wear nice quality classic clothing that is clean, neat and kept nicely is perfectly fine.. but needing to have DG on your back? no thanks.. lol.

But, if for him.. wanting to spend a bit on nicer clothing is important.. then can that be worked into his disposable income budget?  Can the vacations taken be worked out so that you take advantage of more budget friendly travel.. like in the shoulder season vs the high season... staying in more modest accomodations.. perhaps where you can cook a few meals where you stay vs eating out every meal?   And what can HE tighten his belt on throughout the year to make it more possible to free up money for the luxuries he wants?  Is there a 2nd job.. (Uber driver for example) that could allow him to pick up a bit more "mad money"... ?

I am the steady wage earner and all of my wages go to household expenses.  Chef's business goes into a biz acct and he is paid a "sub contractor" wage out of it to go toward CS (which isn't huge anymore but still equivalent to a car payment; one feral left until he turns 21).  That is viewed as a business expense.  All business expenses obviously come out of that account.  All the profits after expenses have cleared (not very much) stay in that account and are managed by me.  All the accounts are in my name only as is the house we live in and the rental properties.