Do we look like we have a freaking Money tree in our back yard??
Memorial Weekend is almost here, Thank god! Because SD9 will be going to her BM's. I'm looking forward to a nice long quite weekend with the finance. Getting to my little dilemma...
I usually of course with the help of BD buy SD9's clothes. But none the less it gets very expensive! Well it doesn't help that BM never sends SD9 with her clothes or at least bother dressing her decent. Every fucking time I send SD9 off to school with cute clothes and her mother picks her up I never see them again! Same thing goes with hair accessories. SD9 enjoys having her hair done so we buy lots of flower pieces, bobby pins,etc.. and yes, I don't see those either once shes off to her mothers and I've noticed whenever I pick up SD9 from school after being with her mother she always comes back with clothes that are two sizes too small, dirty, and just plain ugly. Which pisses me the hell off because I Know BM does it on purpose, she refuses to buy her daughter descent clothes that ACTUALLY fit her because she enjoys smooching on BD and I and rather spend her money on vacations instead!. At the house I feel like the clothes police. SD9 will ask me "can I wear this?" and I would have to say "no, not if your going to your mothers because then I will never see them again". SD9 to gets me upset because I think she's old enough to remember her shit and tell her mother to send her back with our clothes. SD9 is to afraid of her mother so she avoids any confrontation. I'm sick of buying SD9 clothes for her mother to have when ever she feels like, Its sad really that her mother doesn't know how to return her clothes. I've bought SD9 about 10 cute summer outfits (includes shirts, skirts, shorts, shoes) in the last week or two and I only see half of it in her damn closet because the rest I know is at her mothers!. We have full custody of SD9 and bitch face BM does not pay not one dime of CS or has a mortgage payment. BM should be able to afford to buy her daughter clothes. There are no excuses. We have SD9 95% of the time what gives BM the right to take SD9 clothes??. My Finance and I do not own a freaking shopping mall! We DO NOT have a freaking money tree growing on our back yard!! WTF!
ooo wait it gets better.. so it now comes down to memorial weekend. BM is taking SD9 to Orlando. And had the decency! the audacity! to ask BD (through text) If we can send SD9 to school with an extra set of shorts/shirt! Because apparently all the clothes that BM already has that WE paid for is not enough! I sent SD9 with nothing only with the clothes on her back. They can figure it out!! When BM learns how to return SD9 clothes and ask nicely if she can BORROW them then BD and I will think about it. Until then BM can kiss my ass, shit I'm still waiting for all my bobby pins!!
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Comments
Ohhh yeah...I've been through
Ohhh yeah...I've been through this before!
It's a total piss off!
I suggest you buy a cheap outfit and send your SD back to her mother in the cheap outfit, or better yet, send her back in the rags she sent her in!
She obviously knows its working when she sends her in rags, and you give her back in nice clothes. It's just her way of making you pay for new things, while she's keeping everything, and probably laughing at you (or throwing them away.) And it saves her the $$$ so she can spend it on whatever she wants.
I guarantee you it will not last long if you keep sending her with her mom in the crappy clothes she came in. Her mom will give in and buy her new things (provided she doesn't already have enough outfits to dress her in that YOU bought)
Thrift stores have a lot of
Thrift stores have a lot of cute clothes, go and buy the clothes for her to wear home there. She can wear them there and if they don't come back it won't be but a few dollers per outfit. I went to goodwill to buy summer clothes for my ss7 because he is here all summer and spent 22$ he got 5pairs of shorts and 3tshirts to add to the clothes he already had. 3pairs of the shorts still had tags from the orignial store.
This issue is as OLLLLD as
This issue is as OLLLLD as the Himalayas!!!
I think it is as common as the common cold as well!
The BM is doing it obviously b/c:
1. she's getting away with it
2. she thinks she's sticking it to you/profiting off of biodad and you
As suggested above by other posters, THIS is the ONLY way to fly:
send her back in the rags she sent her in!
She'll eventually get the message that YOU are not there to provide a WARDROBE for SD that will be used at HER house.
This is problematic, however, since she is being picked up and dropped off from school. Is there anyway you can change the pick up/drop offs at a place where you can oversee the "strip" method (SD strips off rags of BM's and puts on your clothes then reverses the process when she goes back to the BM's)
As far as the BM not sending enough stuff for them, this method circumvents that, but as you know, the BM usually does this so that the child HAS TO RETURN EARLY to the BMs for supplies; another form of PAS for those biodads who have EOWE.
Unfortunately no SD9's
Unfortunately no
SD9's mother takes her on Tuesdays and Thursdays so you can see where this gets complicated. I send SD9 with decent clothes on Monday, I won't see SD9 until Wednesday when My finance or I pick her up from school thats when the rags come in. Grrr. I get off at 5pm from work and is about 25 mins away from SD9s school. Its too much of a hassle to go out of my way to drive there and back just to change her out of her clothes. Honestly it shouldn't have to come down to that. We are both adults. BM should have the courtesy to send her daughter back with the clothes we sent her in. I will just start going to Goodwill when its time to buy SD9 clothes that way I don't feel it in my wallet when I never see them again.
Haha, not just the moms. I
Haha, not just the moms. I am the custodial mom and I basically have to buy twice as many outfits for my kids. They go to their dads house EOW and if they go in a nice outfit, they come back in crap thats too small. I bought my son a nice Underarmour sweatshirt for xmas- he wore it there and I have not seen it since. Same with any nice clothes. If they go in American Eagle- they come back in too small old shorts. Been going on for ten years. Their dad probably has 5 nice pair of khaki shorts at his house by now. So I am forced to buy twice as many nice things or I end up with nothing here. Polo shirt....hmmmmm....bought him one for Xmas. And if he has an event on his dads weekend...like going out to dinner with dads family...they request a nice outfit and I never see it again. Yes, he pays child support but I seriously buy twice as much clothes as any kid would ever need. And Yes, i know it is on purpose by ex husband.
Don't send the nice clothes
Don't send the nice clothes over, if your ex needs a nice outfit to take him out in he can provide it, it is not your responsibility. After a few times he will get the hint.
This is a problem regardless
This is a problem regardless of custodial ship.
We are noncustodial EOWE visitation. By court documents BM is to provide clean clothing to our house we are to send it back clean. When skids were young they had complete wardrobes including shoes and coats at our house- saved me from washing all weekend and they had clothes that fit. I alway told BM if something gets left at our house let me know I will find it and send with DH during week night visit.
Too bad she didn't do the same- I now do not buy clothes but SS is 14 Sd is in college.
Personally I would send cheap clothes with SD to her BMs house I would pick her up at end of visitation and make sure everything is in her bag. Or send BM 3 outfits for her house to keep there. If clothes come too small after that I would call and say hmmmm I provided you send back.
I'm just thinking out loud
I'm just thinking out loud here...does this struggle become an issue only after the exh remarries? Or do people have this problem of sending in bad clothes before the ncp remarries?
Is it a battle between the women?
To me, it's a pain in the arse to pack a bag every two wknds, and I wish their dad kept at least SOME things at his house (socks-undies-pjs). He never washes their stuff-sends it back dirty-but he does send it back.
There was a period of time he forgot important things of the kids-toys, a nintendo ds, a fav stuffed animal when they were much younger... sometimes a clothing item but he's been better about it. And none of this sending back in rags/small clothing thing. I wonder why this is such an issue really.
I buy 99pct of their clothes-their dad does on ocassion asides from cs buy them a tshirt or shoes-he knows he doesn't have to he just does.
This dilemma usually happens
This dilemma usually happens when one party or both parties remarry. and then theres the proven fact that EX WIVES ARE HATEFUL BITCHES! period. Dramatic, foolish, self centered, who enjoy getting their way, or at least crazy EX wives anyway. I'm not saying all of them are. YOU however don't have to worry about this because its YOUR child. Its different when its someone else's kid your taking care of. Plus your dealing with an ex husband not a wife, now thats a HUGE difference. Men are more laid back, less drama free, "What ever it takes to keep the peace" type. Your ex-husband is probably thinking "Heck, if sending our child with decent clothes after spending time with me will keep her(u) from bitching and nagging then so be it!, any thing to keep her(u) off my back" Women on the other hand like to poke and poke until you bleed!!! Women are MEAN! I Envy You! I would trade in a ex-wife any day over an ex-husband.
I guess you have germs in
I guess you have germs in your detergent.
I have only offered less then five times to throw in laundry if I'm doing mine when sd/bf are around. The time she conveniently dumped her daughter w/him BEFORE the snow storm so she woudln't be stuck w/the SD...I did have to do several loads because the kids were in/out playing in snow. Other then that? I dont' think so.
In fact I think I've only washed a couple of his things less then a handful of times in 2 years dating. I have enough damn laundry to do w/just the boys and I-not volunteering for anyone else that's for sure.
Learned that lesson while married-once the kids came about I stopped doing exh's laundry (we were still married). I had warned him-he eventually figured it out when he couldn't find clean undies/socks.
LOL-I DO have an ex-wife to
LOL-I DO have an ex-wife to deal with, the bf's...and believe me this noncaring witch is more then enough to make me consider even marrying the man I love.
With my exh...he was the nag in the relationship. All I can say is I'm glad I'm sheltered and non-involved in communications w/his ex-wife whatsoever. It's enough to just HEAR about it-and HIS communications are limited. Figure this-she doesn't even have his phone n.
We went through this. Change
We went through this. Change of custody was always done with the clothes on her back, decided long before I entered the picture. I've actually her of a 3 year old who gets exchanged in a blanket and underwear so it does get worse.
Usually SD was returned in the clothes she came in. Every single time she wasn't it was an issue for either parent. I still remember losing a $30.00 Disney sweatshirt for a $6.97 Walmart shirt. BM had the nerve to send a three page letter demanding her shirt back immediately - apparently we should have let her go to school in a dirty chocolate stained shirt. To top it off and she never returned the sweatshirt.
DH & BM still argue about this at times & SD is 16. SD did not come back with all her stuff from summer visitation so DH wouldn't let her take anything Christmas break. BM couldn't find her stuff & would buy her new stuff so she had to borrow a t shirt and wash her clothes every night.
If you find an answer let me know - BTW there is 10 years between SD & The next Girl child of BM, we have a boy. No one but SD is wearing the stuff - i wish they'd both get over it.