It's that time again...
Oh man...here we go again. SS5 is coming for the weekend. i always get so anxious before he comes and during his stay. i don't know what it is about him that makes me feel like that. I was going to go to my parents house this weekend but i have to stick around for at least 1 day because there is a social worker coming to observe us with him. see i just moved in with my bf. im pretty nervous about that too..i've met with her and talked with her already but i just don't like the idea that someone is coming to watch me interact with this kid and judge me for it. does anyone have any suggestions on what i should be like when she comes? what i'm normally like around him is that i kind of do stuff around him so i'm not directly with him. i let my bf and his son be together i have no problem with that. but i do feel a bit awkward and out of place sometimes. i'm wondering if the social worker should see that part of me? that i'm uncomfortable around them both? because honestly if it was just me and SS we are totally fine. but i just feel like everyone (bf and social worker) are looking for something from me so that i seem motherly or something towards SS.
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Umm... If you guys just
Umm... If you guys just moved in together the best bet for you is to do what you normally do. The Socail worker is going to be concerned if you are trying to push yourself on this child who only sees your every once in a while. Support your BF, do not try to discipline the child yourself, and just do what you do to make the place a home. If you would be doing your laundry on that day. Go do your laundry. They dont want a big production, they want to see what you guys are like.
Questions:
Why is Socail Services involved?
How often do you have the child?
How long have you been in the childs life?
its a complicated mess but
its a complicated mess but social services are involved because its part of the custody court case..my bf is saying that his ex is unfit to be a mother (tho i think shes doing an ok job) but anyways..we have SS one weekend a month for now as custody is also split with his ex's grandparents. but that will soon change as my bf's going to full or joint custody with his ex. i met SS in march and i probably have seen him once a month since then..sometimes a bit more. hes a good kid just needs lots of attention which i can't stand.
Well its just one weekend
Well its just one weekend right? Think of it as time to get extra stuff done! I found it really hard when me and my Dh first started dating, he had SD on the weekends only and he thought that that was a good enough reason to not have any rules at all. It gets easier. I promise.
I have had this happen to me
I have had this happen to me once, from experience you will need to interact somewhat with SS just to show the Social worker that you are a part of his life when he is there otherwise it will reflect that you and your BF are not a team. When i went through it the social worker made a comment regarding my BF not really being interested it the whole thing which reflected badly, not a lot but still enough to be commented on as he was trying to stay out of the situation. My ex was the one who said i was the unfit parent and had social workers come watch me it was really awful that it was my own son they were judging me on, he didnt win by the way because he was full of shit stupid fat asshole.
Now i have Skids of my own and i get panic attacks the few days before they come every single time, so i know how you feel it is horrible to be so anxious all the time. I am on Xanax now because of it. Just try to focus on the present rather than thinking too far ahead. Deal with it all as it comes it is not so daunting that way.
thanks for the advice...yes
thanks for the advice...yes i should definately try to interact with him a little bit. but i can only do so much right? if he doesn't interact with me then theres nothing i can do about that. i am pretty nervous but i will try to relax. this is all very new to me..i guess the good thing is that SS's mom and her husband are being watched as well..
As you've not been together
As you've not been together very long, the social worker isn't going to expect to see a fully functioning family unit, but I would have thought they'd want to see you making some effort to get to know the kid.
Depending on what you'd normally do at the weekend with him, perhaps be involved in some activities & not others - that shows you want to get to know him, but also appreciate that he probably wants alone time with his dad.
Good luck (and don't worry, social workers genuinely do want to find fault & you can always say to him/her that it's still very new to you and that you're learning as I'm sure they'd appreciate honesty)
so the social worker has
so the social worker has come and gone. I have to say I don't think it went that well. SS was rolling his hot wheels around, whipping them around our new hardwood floors, cars smashing into walls and scratching walls...sigh...after his dad told him not to..he still did..and i just kept quiet.
I'm not try to sabotage his
I'm not try to sabotage his custody attempt...i honestly having met and talked with BM and her husband think that they are better parents to SS then BF and I could be at this point.