Just venting
I have posted about this topic before and had many people tell me it's normal...however, if it's normal, then why am I going crazy?!?!?!
SD9 lives with us 24/7 and I mean 24/7 as in never goes anywhere we aren't. Mom lives across the country and sees her 4 weeks in summer and 1 week at Christmas. Last time I wrote I asked if it was normal that children have to be right about everything and everyone said yes. Well sd never used to be this way. She was always just a kid who never argued and took your word for what it was. I'm just assuming the change is due to the fact that middle school is approaching and it comes with the territory. For example; I'll say something about tv like "Wow that cake looks good" or "I love her dress." She disagrees with everything I say. "No that cake doesn't look good" or "well I hate her dress." It's gotten so bad that I just sometimes don't even talk around her and then I think to myself "I'm not going to not talk in my own home if I have something to say." I say black she says white. I have even snapped at her and said "You know, it's ok if you and I don't agree about everything." She says I know I know and runs out of the room. Why is this happening 50 times a day when it never used to? How do I move on and enjoy life and not lose my sanity? Your home is supposed to be your get away and safe place to hide in the world. I can't even do that anymore. I feel like I have to lie and say I'm going to bed and lock the door if I just want some privacy...
- emilymarie's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
This is very normal behavior
This is very normal behavior - my SS has been like this since age 9 he is now 17 - and actually this past Christmas we were at Disney (I have the opposite of you we see SS 4 weeks of the year - but the first 3 years of marriage we had him all the time except 3 weeks a year) and SS17 said something and DD5 contradicted him and he turned to her and said "Listen Sister I have been on this earth 17 years I know what I am talking about - I know you think you are smarter than me but you are not" DH and I just looked at each other and cracked up laughing I then turned to SS17 and said "How does it feel to have a 5 year old think you are stupid - now you know how your father and I have felt for the last 6 years" He did not like the feeling too much - most children think they are smarter than their parents until something happens and they need them -
If she continues to do this then tell her that you will not have any conversations with her until she can learn to respect you - I used to have to do this with SS when he lived with us - he would start his crap and I would send him to his room - it would make him stop being a butthead for a few days at least - now since I don't see him that much it is much easier!!
Caregiver1127, you make such
Caregiver1127, you make such a valid and important point that I feel so many of us miss:
"He did not like the feeling too much - most children think they are smarter than their parents until something happens and they need them -"
I was a teenager like that myself. I taught teenagers for 10 years and I saw this year after year whether the kids were from step-families or not.
I dont think its normal. I
I dont think its normal. I have 3 bios and one step and they only one that ever argued with me like that was the step who has also been diagnosed with oppositional defiant disorder. He did this from the time he was 6 until present day of almost 13-similar to what yours is doing. I could say NOTHING without him disagreeing. Literally-you may think that is an exaggeration but it is not. If I said, the bus will be here in 10 minutes, "no, it wont". If I said, "It's cold out you should put a long sleeve shirt under your baseball uniform" He said, "I'm not allowed" I would say "yes, you are" and he would continue to insist that he was not until he had a meltdown. If I said, "your bm will be here in an hour to pick you up" He'd say no, "it's 30 minutes"-when in reality he had absolutely no clue when she was coming at all. I have no wisdom to offer you because I did give up. I dont talk to him any longer (he has specified that he wants no relationship with me)so I've stopped trying.
Thank you all for your
Thank you all for your comments. Whether it's normal or not, it feels good to know I'm not alone. It's hard to talk to DH about this bc it's HIS daughter and we all know we are quick to defend our own children most times. He always has some excuse for her even if he agrees she's being argumentative. At times I feel like I just want to detach myself from the relationship all together because it might be less painful. Who wants to feel unappreciated for all you do for someone? (laundry, meals, carting her around, packing lunches)At the same time, I am the only mother figure in her life. It's just so hard to love someone who is not yours and never will be, no matter how you look at it.