Besides posting a forum topic, I am so angry that blogging normally calms me down. I am swamped at work and DH is gone so I really can't run this one out of my system or go to the gym.

All I can conclude from BM's actions of putting the skids on FB, as in creating accounts for them, is that she truly has not grasped that these boys are children. SS11 will probably LOVE this idea as he is dying to grow up - yet the kid loves his legos and Nerf games.

She buys them tons of clothes and now that they are getting older it gets on SS9's nerves because he is offended - "It's nice she bought me clothes OtherMom, but she doesn't even ask me what I would like and it is kind of mean cuz she picks clothes that are embarrassing. I wanna give them to the Salvation Army but I don't want her to cry," ... all his own words. He is too smart to try to get over on. Smart AND Sensitive. Bad combination in this nuclear family. Prime example is when she bought him pants two sizes too big so that he would sag his pants on purpose. We thought she just made a mistake but she specifically told him "This is how the cool kids dress." SS9 wears what he wants - always has and we draw the line at naked in public or disrespectful statements and let him do the rest. When he was 5, he wore soccer socks, his Superman cape, cargo shorts and Spongebob t-shirt with sandals to school. Probably bad choice on our part but he was so proud he picked out his own clothes. He has dressed weird, off and on, since he was 5. I DON'T REGRET IT SO DON'T BASH ME ABOUT IT.

At any rate, she thinks of them as toys ... at least, that's the impression I get.

I feel like she is dehumanizing these children - PEOPLE! - not accepting that while they are children, they have feelings and emotions and will grow up to be (hopefully) well rounded adults who make their own decisions and all we do is GUIDE them - not manipulate them.

I feel like she has no respect for them. No respect for their characters. No respect for their natural development. Like she wants them to grow up faster so she can talk to them better or something.

THAT's it. As I typed I had an epiphany - she didn't want to be there for them when they were babies because they were dependent on her but now that they are older and becoming very self-reliant (one of the sad consequences of having both your parents in the military) they are far more appealing to her and THAT IS WHY SHE WANTS THEM BACK IN HER LIFE AND TO BE BACK IN THEIRS. I'm sure it has to do with regret and all the other emotions that come with realizing you made a huge mistake, but I really feel this is at the root of her actions.

Ahhhhh .... a sigh of relief.

Thank you Steptalk.