I think I'm on to something big......

I am going to re- invent myself. I have done all the mistakes every stepmother has ever done, and I was pretty devastated when I read step monster because I felt that there was no hope, like I had settled, and there was no way to be happy with a man with kids because of my own strong convictions of how children should be raised.

I was in a car accident last week and it has given me time to think about my role, because that is the thing that keeps tearing me apart. I don't know who I am to them, so I've decided I am my husband's girlfriend (MHGF). I remember when we first met. It was heaven, I was so in love, I could hardly breathe when I thought of him....well six years later and 30 lbs heavier, and constantly ruminating over how these children drive me crazy, and how he doesn't have a clue, I can barely stand living with these aliens.....

So back to me, I have always put myself last in the house. Been more frugal, more giving, more everything than any one else, trying desperately to set the example, and hoping that they might catch on. Ha! What a laugh, all they did was take up more space, spend what I didn't , didn't thank me, took advantage of my generosity, and didn't even notice if I was there, unless they wanted something, or I was screaming and yelling at them, which I was . Believe me, I became the step monster when normally I was a pretty well adjusted, nice person, that my friends liked....Wednesday Martin described it to a "T". I was so typical !!!!!!

I am going to go back, and do what I should have done in the first place. Be my husband's Girlfriend. I already have stepped back enormously, but with hatred and resentment, constantly seething from my every pore. I NOW KNOW I CAN NO LONGER CHANGE THEM, I CAN ONLY CHANGE MYSELF. SO I WILL. I AM GOING TO PUT MY ENERGIES INTO MYSELF, AND BUILD A STRONGER RELATIONSHIP WITH MY HUSBAND AND MY FRIENDS.

I will be joining my gym again, I just threw out a bunch of clothes I no longer want or wear, etc finish decorating the office, finish our bedroom, and no longer pay for all the things I was paying for before. I just felt beholden to the kids... Now I don't . If I do I have a strong talk with myself and steer myself away from those feelings. It's like developing a stronger sense of self, growing up, and stopping whining. They aren't taking anything I'm not giving...so why am I giving it? My best way of defining it is MHGF. His job is parenting, and my job is to take care of myself and love him.

I'll let you know how it goes, wish me luck!!!!!!