Can't even vent anymore about SS

So 7 years asking for some house courtesy - pick up your stuff, wash your dish, do some kind fo chore - since the SS twins were 13. one is off to college - away. The other, SS19 now, lingered around and is living between houses, pretending he is a grown up independent tough guy ugh!! He thinks that living between the houses make him sooo manly and indepedent. He has a weekend job as a bouncer in a nightclub. Barely goes to community college and is all over the place. Every semester he drops classes and changes minor. Lately has landed on acting; and now thinks he's some sort of Brad Pitt - smh. This dumb arse thinks he can come here to my living space and pretend he owns it and us. And has been talking about coming back to live here permanently ugh!! So i set some house rules - whcih obviously makes him think twice before taking the plunge.

Past weekend he had a kidney stone, which I do feel bad for him because it is painful!. So his BP decided to take him to the ER so went to pick him up from his other house - the other BP was not there - went to on a vacation. BP stayed all night in the ER, and then brought SS here to stay with me, because BP had to travel early in the morning. And, dumb arse left his house key in the other house and got locked out so he couldn't get back in. I took a deep breathe and dealt with the situation. I felt pitty for SS19. Mind you I have to bad knees that I'm dealing with right now.

I decided to order food for the weekend and got a whloe lot of it so I didn't have to cook and SS has food. This was Friday.He got here Friday early morning. He woke up later in the day around 1 or 2, ate. Went back to bed. I was just relaxing since I can't do anything becasue of my knees. Next thing, SS19 is up and going for the door. He say he's leaving because a friend is picking him up and the other house key situation got solved - some cat sitter had a spare key. I was in shock, form last night in horrible pain, still hadn't passed the stone, and now is leaving with a friend. I asked if he was in pain still, he said he had some.

So I said to myself - not my monkey, not my circus - if he wants to leave in pain that's his problem.

Later at night I go to the kitchen to eat something, and surprise!!! the dumb arse left his dirty dishes in the sink!!! That was a stomach punch. He couldn't clean his plate bit he could leave with a friend - for that he was ok.

It bothered me, I know it's a stupid plate and fork, but the thing is that it's been years I've been asking, requesteing, demanding, barganing with him and BP about house chore, rules Tydiness, picking up after themselves; and, I said it was a rule for him to move back in. It feels like an insult!! Like "hey sucker here is a dish for you to wash, you're my slave!". Mind you this is a kid that already is saying that women have to serve him, and when he marries he ispractically describing a slave to him.

So yesterday Monday, I was venting to BP about how I felt with this situation and some other matters regarding my own siblings. Just venting how things make me feel. BP exploded, dialed SS19 number and told ME to tell HIM about the plate. I was in shock. But I went ahead and spoke my mind and told him how insulting his actions are. SSjust listened and said "my bad, sorry". Like I'm stupid and I don't notice everyt time he plays smart ass and gets away from doing things - he always says I forgot or I was just about to do it or I have something else to do.

So later I told BP there was no need to call SS, but it's not my problem. If BP did it and SS is upset - not my problem. I was just venting. BP told me that when I vent there is a trigger. I said that I was not bad mouthing SS, I was explicitly talking about how I felt with the situation of him not doing his plate which is important to me. I said, I just vented about my sister, and you didn't react. So I said anytime I vent and it has the SSs name on it, I'm doomed - I'm not asking to do something about the SSs behaviour - just venting to at least let it off my chest. Well BP got very upset.

So, I can't even tell my partner how I feel when precious babies 19 year olds do something that bothers me... I have to suck it up because they are perfection in this world!

NotMeAnymore's blog
Log in or register to post comments

Comments

Next time there is a plate..

Next time there is a plate.. move it aside.. when your so comes home.. tell him there are dishes for him to wash.. when he claims he left no dishes.. well.. ss did.. you can clean it if he won't.

they know you will ... so they won't care.

Ugh, the whole dishes thing

Ugh, the whole dishes thing with SKs are so annoying. To me personally, it's a lack of respect for people's belongings/property. SD13 ruined 2 of our dinnerware bowls we got for our wedding... because she left rotting milk from cereal in them up in her room.

DH would say moronic statements like "kids are just messy", etc. NO, it's a lack of respect. SD13 used to also play dumb and say "I forgot" when she was just feeling lazy and didn't feel like cleaning up after herself.

I have since removed all dishes and have told DH he needs to purchase paper plates and plastic forks for SD since he is not capable of teaching her basic manners.

Sidenote: I hope he doesn't move in permanently. Have you had this discussion with SO? Will he be subsidizing SKs living arrangements? SD13 moving back in with us after 18 is a huge no for me.

I agree, thge lack of respect

I agree, thge lack of respect which Disney parents don't get beacuse they are so mesmerized with their creation.

Paper plates are a great idea!!

The moving back situation, I spoke to my partner many times, I said that there are rules that need to be established. My partner asked me to write them down and communicated them to SS19. That's why I think (know) SS has not moved in permanently - he doesn't like rules. So this is keeping him at bay. My partner said that SS moving back in is something that would be great, but if he doesn't move in it's ok, they can meet up sometimes.

Print the rules out, post

Print the rules out, post them on the fridge, super nanny style. That way nobody can say they didn't know or had forgotten.

New way of parenting

Let someone else do the hard work. Seams like your SO has no back bone. And takes no responsibility for his lack of parenting. SS must move out. Since he can't follow the house rules or act like a adult , he must go, This is a hill to died on . But just keep on venting. Get it out . Getting it out is better then keeping it in.

Mu SO doesn't get the venting

Mu SO doesn't get the venting... when it comes to the SS19s. I said I'm not asking to do anything about it, I'm not calling them naems, or speaking ill about THEM, I'm talking about ME!

But YES venting smoothes out the build up inside.

Vent here

THIS is your safe space. Your SO considers your venting about his precious loin droppings as a personal insult against HIM. So you must be a silent disengager. Youve already spent YEARS telling them the deal. Words are words, now is time for action. If SS cannot get with YOUR program, he gets another program somewhere else. The time for talk and discussions is over. Time to disengage and put ALL cleaning and helping on SO.

If something is left behind, pile it up and hand over to SO.

And come here to vent about it.