How soon is too soon to meet SS?
SS will be going to college in September. So we obviously need to get the money sorted out. I talked it it over with him. We will be giving him 350 a month and we are paying for the car's insurance. We agreed that he should get the car. He will also get 25 a month for gas. We will do this for a year and see how it goes. I am not very happy with it but I think SS deserves a break. Of course, my H (husband) wants to meet SS before giving him the money. But question is when? Time is running out but my H does not want to force himeslf on SS. I am suggesting meeting this weekend. But is it too soon?
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I would (or have DH) send him
I would (or have DH) send him an email, text or some sort of communication that you would both really like to support him and help him through this rough spot in his life and to please let you know when would be good for him to sit down and talk through what you can offer.
I would have a very hard time dishing out money for any child above basic support if that child has not relationship with me (or DH). And I do have that siutation in my home. SD19 has recently decided that we are good enough to ask for money (cell phone, car ins, health ins, dental ins) but really isnt' interested in maintaining any contact with us. Sorry but I dont' want to be anyone's bank account. Relationships go both ways.
I don't believe you would be forcing yourselves on your SS to expect him to sustain at least a formal, civil relationship if he wants your financial support.
I don't disagree with you,
I don't disagree with you, infact I seldom disagree with your point of view on ST. But don't you think this boy has to be feeling very alone and overwelmed with worry about financial things. So yes, now or next weekend might very well be too soon to push to sit down and discuss it all but is it ever too soon to let someone know you are there and willing to help when they are ready? As unobtrusively as possible of course.
I know what you are saying. I
I know what you are saying. I have told my H NOT to hold mw accountable for anything and everything would be his sole choice only. I made that very clear. We talked it over and got into the fact that SS does not have a college fund but our son does. It was a result of petty argument between BM and my H a few years ago that led to my H removing the college fund money and putting it into our savings. Of course, now, it looks childish and is not fair to SS that his parents were immature. I pisses me off because that was money that my H saved for our son but SS needs help right now. So that is why we decided for a year we will help him with rent. The car is bought and paid for. We put in money as well for inspections and paper work. My H wants SS to have it. So ok, that is done. If after a year we see SS has decided to cut us off completely, we will rethink the monthly contribution. As for us contacting him too soon, SS needs to get a place picked out now. He would need the money now. So like you guys suggested, we will be sending a email asking him when it would be best to meet up.