Dude. You don't need the guiding, she does. Forgive me, I don't know anything more than what you said.

In my opinion, NO RELATIONSHIP, is worth that kind of tension, I don't care how good the sex is or how nice they are at times.

If the blow ups and drama weigh more than the happiness & love. I'm sorry, but pull the plug.

I don't know if anyone will back me on this one.
Either way, best wishes.

"May the forces of evil get confused on the way to your house." George Carlin

And you haven't come a minute too soon. Your situation with SS sounds hauntingly familiar to mine with SD. First of all, you are completely right. You did the right thing for your daughter by getting away from the situation. Your wife needs to understand that parenting must come from a united front. You both must appear to be in agreement. All she is doing is fueling SS's behavior. When SS sees that it wedges the two of you apart, he gets his wish.

My Sd is now five. I have had her for two years. She does the rages just as you have described. She also threatens to kill herself and says that it will be my fault. I have been told that she hates me, wants me dead, I have been bit, hit, kicked, spit on.... She has done damage to my house by kicking her walls, beating her head into things, throwing objects. Her therapist has instructed us to remove her mirrored closet doors, mirror on her dresser, computer. She loves me, this I have no doubt. But We have gone through quite a bit of therapy. She is a very angry child (read my past blogs and you will see why). This is her way of letting it out. She is displacing anger. Her mom is not in the picture. When te fits happen, we put her in her room, explain that we do not like the fit but if she feels the need to have it then so be it. She is told that she cannot leave her room while having a fit or crying or screaming. Then we let her go to town. Close the door so it does not disturb the rest of the family. When she decides to stop and act human, then she can rejint the family. Sometimes she lasts 3-4 hours, but we completely ignore her. It is an attention thing. Then we make no deal at all about it when she is done. It works great. We went from nightly fits to weekly, to none. It was a miracle. Now, each time that she visits the mom's family per court order she comes back with her crap again. But DH and I ALWAYS stand together and support each other. The therapist said that we had to do tha no matter what because kids will find the weakest link and manipulate that one. Which is exactly what is being done.

If Wife cannot support you and get her kids under control, then it may be healthier for you and daughter to stay gone. Believe me, I was at that point of walking away and DH did not support me in parenting. When he thought he had lost me and my daughter because of his wild and disrespectful child, he looked into therapy. I am a firm believer in it!!!

Good luck to you. And remember that you can only do so much.

My son went through the same thing when I remarried. He was about the same age. I read a couple books that really helped, Parenting with Love and Logic, and Parenting Teens with Love and Logic. They helped me a lot. They helped me change the way I parent, and within months my son's tantrums eased up. He rarely gets upset anymore (he's 17 now), and when he does he handles it much better.

serious dicipline. I would not go back to her. How wonderful can she be if she is kicking you and your child out all the time? If it were just you, I would say do what you want, but what are you teaching your daughter? Is she going to grow up thinking that its normal and the way to live? And are you her father wanting that for her? I think your ex gf needs to learn to control her anger just as much as her sons. You do not throw things at a child, you do not hit a child when you yourself are out of control. I believe in spankings too, but not like all that. I would say start over fresh with your daughter and also let her know that all that stuff is not normal and you would not want that for her. I understand that you love her and all that, and its easier said then done to walk away, but think of your daughter and what this woman has just showed her. She basically showed your daughter that she really does not care if she has a place to sleep or a place to eat she basically showed her she does not care. So I think for both you and your child and her and her children that its time to call it quits.

She needs to clean her house up before she brings anyone else in either. This child is not just going to change on his own.

Good luck..

Happy
"live life to its fullest everyday"

I agree with the other ladies. If you really love this woman, you set down the rules of coming back. Tell her what has to happen and that you need to see it. But stay away until she changes her disciplining habits and don't go back until you see the son has changed or is getting help from a counselor. I think the mother and son both need counseling. You have done what is best for your daughter and that is admirable. I know it's hard if you love her, but you can't put yourself through that anymore or your daughter. Either cut off all ties, or lay it on the line with her, that if she wants you back, you will only come back when certain things have been accomplished.

Good luck.

She needs to first seek guidance from his pediatrician, who can either have him tested or refer her to someone who can test him. He may have something like ODD - oppositional definant disorder, which is a part of the package I married into - or he may just need counseling to adjust to all the transition. Either way, I would not move back in unless or until this kid is getting treatment of some kind and has made some improvement. It's called tough love. You need to use it on her so that she'll use it on him. Going back now, though, you'll just be in for more of the same and it'll only get worse as he approaches TEENDOM.

~ Anne ~

"The past is a foreign country; they do things differently there." ...Anonymous

I would have to admit that when I was a single mother I let my daughter slide with a little more than she should have. Possible bc I felt guilty that at the time her dad wasn't around etc.. Or maybe bc I felt it was easier at that time. It doesn't really matter why now but the fact is that I let her do it. I realize now, that I did more harm than good not only for her but for myself. Luckily she is only 6 now and there is still hope. I have become a more consistant and firm parent. This is tough. But I would only say what I am saying this bc I feel like you have expressed your concerns with her and she still chose to kick you out of your house with your daughter. She obviously is blind and doesnt see what's going on and only thinks about herself and kids. She is supposed to be supportive of you and letting her boys treat you the way they do just proves she has no care to change. I'm sorry but there are a lot of fabulous women out there. I wouldnt subject you or your daughter to any more abuse from her or her children. She can't love you if she's not willing to compromise or do something about these issues. I would never let my daughter talk to my husband that way and if she did you better believe something would be said and done. You are supposed to support each other. The fact that her boys know she takes their side, you have already lost the battle. Before you do whatever you decide, you need to think about if this battle is worth winning to have this person in your life? If she will even give it a try for the sake of your relationship.

and intelligent man and I applaud you for seeking advice from other women to get another view on the situation. I think all the advice you have got here is helpful whether you go back or stay away. Sounds to me like you truly love this woman and the Step child is the only thing that stands in the way.

You mention that you don't want to put her in the position to choose..well that is obvious but I am sure you are not asking that, all you want is for her to seek help for her child and put discipline in place for his actions. You are not making her choose by asking this, simply trying to make a better life for all of you, and the 2 people that would benefit from sorting out this bad behaviour the most, is your wife and especially her son. Good luck and keep us posted!

Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*

I have been told I can come off as mean because I am blunt ( PLEASE TAKE NO OFFENSE)but in this case buy all the books you want they won't help unless you plan to throw them at ss#2 since mom and ss "don't want to change" and thats all there is to it if this women isn't willing to back you then theres not much you can do but try to move on and if its meant to be then maybe someday she will make the effort to change.
Best wishes for the future.

I am sorry to hear that she has let you down like that, but it sounds like your respect for a loving relationships and working together are little out of this ladies league. Perhaps it is time to move forward and start your healing so you start afresh with someone who has the same goals in life. Best wishes.

Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*