Well, I was really bothered by why so suddenly last year the ex gf became angry with me. Suddenly in about October of last year I became "He Who Shall Not Be Named" or "The Most Evil Person" in the world. We had an almost four year relationship and one of the main sources of troubles were her kids terrible temper tantrums. I moved out in May of last year during one of those fights. Why did I suddenly become terrible in October and not earlier in the year?

I did some digging and prodding and a few of my sources have revealed some information. She had two kids -- they were both bright and happy kids (her description at the start of the relationship) to now one is "very bright" and the other is "slow." The one who is "slow" threw a terrible temper tantrum in school cursing out the music teacher in November of last year.

My daughter had surgery for bilateral strabismus in October and both me and my ex wife were stunned when our daughter texted the ex gf and the ex gf blew off our daughter and didn't respond. This was the person who was in a step mother role for three years -- what kind of 42 year old person blows off a scared 12 year old child going through surgery for the first time in her life? Who is the adult and who is the child?

Well, our relationship blew up in May of last year. Sputtered back to life briefly in May and June; died again in July; breifly came back through the end of July and terminated in August. She was adamant in August the kids were okay, I had asked her to have them evaluated for problems so that we could reconcile. I was guilty of giving her "an ultimatum" but it didn't matter her kids were way out of control for the three years.

I thought we had had a good relationship for those four years -- my relationship with the ex wife was bad, but it has gotten to a friendly basis now. Why was this lady who I had loved suddenly such an "enemy?"

My sources tell me I was "guilty of labelling" the kids when I left. Labelling is a term frequently used by parents of Special Needs kids. We broke up in the summer, by October/November I was evil incarnate. I am guessing the diagnosis came in November/December. I am guessing she "didn't blow off the text message" but was so involved with her kids problems it slipped through the cracks. Its easier to be a Bitch than it is to admit I was right about her children. She is in survival mode. Single mother; working a high level job with two children -- one of whom has some emotional or developmental problems. He was 10 years old and was sucking his thumb and carrying around a blanket. He was that way before I got involved with them and continued it and is still doing it.

For my ex gf's sake, I beleive she has to banish me and the memories of what we had. When I was there, it was a happier time. Both her sons "were normal" and we had what seemed like a happy home. I think she finds it easier to paint the bullseye on me rather than look to her own parenting skills or genetic make up. Probably her ex husband (who was never really regular about his visitation)has become more and more irregular about visitation. Parents of special needs kids often feel guilt or carry around stigmata of their own making. Worrying about what other people might think.

Its real and being a parent of a special needs child is really, really hard. She has to banish me and thoughts of who we were. I look into my soul and instead of the righteous indignation I could feel, I feel pity and sorrow. Pity for who she has become and pity that her son has these problems. Sorrow for what might have been. The fact that I could pity and feel sorrow for her is probably another source of her anger towards me.

I wasn't told the magnitude of the kids problems at the beginning of the relationship but then neither was she when they were born. She wants me to bear the guilt and I am probably the best party since she still has to raise them. I said a prayer for her and her kids this morning and the journey they are on. Its going to be a long one and be through shadows for much of the journey. This morning the sun was shining for me. The radio was playing BTO's "Let it Ride" and then Kenny Chesney's "No Shoes; No Shirt; No Problem" came on.

I can be sad. She has to be in survival mode. Three years of nursing school and now the rest of her life dealing with a child with a handicap. I don't have hatred or anger. That part of my life is a closed chapter and one that I think will probably be well received in Heaven. A love in my life was sacrificed, but a child who needed help is getting it. I will love again, but this is the only life this child will ever have. I never said her kids were "bad" I just wanted them to get help. If she needs to make me the bad guy so that she can sleep at night, then that's what she will have to do. Its what she can do and she can now do it with my blessing.

Denial isn't just a river in Egypt baby.

Kevin