Is probably true + diagnosis
The investigator said from her experience she believes SD13 was raped (with penetration) and sexually abused by the alleged perpetrator for two years about 80% believes SD13's report.
The social worker and investigator said they believe SD13 has reactive attachment disorder and said that all the behavior is subconscious acting out for attention because she never developed a stable attachment. It fits; attachment disorder and/or borderline personality.
CPS is investigating BM as well as the alleged perpetrator.
DH is stepping up to be a more primary parent for SD13 now and taking some of the pressure off of me with the "emotional vampirism" so he is listening to her sometimes so I am not drained emotionally all the time. He is also stepping up with rules, caregiving, etc. a lot more now.
We are doing family therapy and individual therapy for SD13. We are learning about attachment disorders and borderline and how to deal with her.
The current "problem" is she said she will no longer do her homework unless I call the teacher and get her assignments and sit at the table watching her to make sure she does it. ---- She repeats how she no longer will do her homework. I said "Okay honey...". Simply put, if she fails, she fails and she is not in the grade with her friends. If she gets bad grades, then she loses internet the next nine weeks. Her choice.
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oh lord, i just read weeks
oh lord, i just read weeks back it took me a while. But, good lord. You are the strongest woman i have ever herd of, I wish there was something i could do to help you.
You can endure this, and you will grow from it.
RAD is a hard thing to deal
RAD is a hard thing to deal with. Keep a focus on your marriage you will need to support each other.
That's absolutely horrible
That's absolutely horrible what happened to her! I hope that the therapy helps her get through this and get past it. She needs all the support she can get from her dad and from you too!
As far as the homework problem, is she not going to school? Is there anyway that you can compromise with her? Is she gets the assignments you'll help her, but you won't do it all?
She always did her homework
She always did her homework just fine. She simply decided this last week that she will no longer do her homework unless the teacher saves her and calls me to tell me the assignments. She "cut" (scratched her arm with a pen cap) right before seeing the teacher *and showing her the cutting*. Note the "cutting scars" faded in less than 24 hours and she told the teacher her room is full of hidden "weapons".
I understand she is sick and she was abused (allegedly) eight years ago, but the constant lying and manipulation is still exhausting and the emotional vampirism is draining. I found out this morning even more stuff she has snuck and lied about.
Not to mention her thoughts of hurting the baby then demanding to hold him. I do not want her alone in a room with him and I do not want her to hold him. Ever. She told me she thinks about her arms accidentally squeezing him and killing him. SHe told me if she babysat and he choked, she'd call me and tell me "It's not my Faaault GAAAAWD *IT*'s dead". Yes, she's called him "it".
Note with attachment disorder, they can be extremely charming and manipulative and tell you what they think you want to hear IE she calls me Mom even though I corrected her for years and she says all the time how she loves the baby, but she says it to me in a fashion that is like she is trying to convince me of it. She says she can't live without him and would kill herself to protect him and just creepy ass shit.
I am trying, truly trying, but she's exhausting. Oh, and I am terrified she is going to make false allegations against me. She did it once to a friend and told the friend I would make her work in the hot sun ALL DAY with no food or drink. Truth was that she watered the neighbor's yard for 30-45 minutes, got to use a sprinkler in the back yard and just water the little flowers by the house in front, and the neighbor gave her a soda every single day as a 'treat' and she was in the water and on the cell phone the whole time. Her friend told her she was stupid and to get her own sandwich. SD13 told the girl she wouldn't be her friend no mooore and that her stepmom (me) abuuuused her for having her water the yard...oh and she was paid $5.00 A DAY to water that little flower bed! I know right??? $150 a month! They asked her to because his foot was broken and they are like grandparents to her (she's really manipulative and charming, remember).
She tells people various things for the attention and pity, so we're torn on whether this is even true about the abuse. She only told two BOYS she was raped and beaten and kept telling them she was abused at home and "only you can save me and never abandon me like my parents and stepmom". Seriously. - I am sort of afraid of dealing with her the next five years of what she will come up with or do.
in hindsight, it makes sense
in hindsight, it makes sense for "disinhibited type". Once when playing outside, she skinned her knee. Instead of coming in the house for me to give her a bandaide, she went to the neighbor that was in his garage and told him she was hurt and no one to take care of her and asked him to put neosporin on it and a bandaide. Then she asked him to watch her ride her bike and he said he couldn't and left. He brought her the bandaide box and handed it to her but refused to put the bandaide on or anything (he wouldn't let her in his garage either though she tried to get him to let her in his house - smart man).
This is just one of a lot of examples of her behavior. I used to just think she was stupid, but now I realize it's manipulation and RAD.
I'm afraid of how she is going to escalate as a teen. She realized she can just say whatever and adults will scramble. She has the teachers and counselors at school asking her every hour if she's okay because she "cuts" (with a motherfucking balloon stick...)
If she escalates as a teenager or does anything whatsoever to put my baby in danger or threaten my baby, I WILL leave and go live in an apartment until she is 18 and is gone.
note: She has never done anything violent or ever seemed to be violent in any way- what I would fear is false allegations or sneaky, manipulative, lying stuff.