You let it go because this guy is not available for a relationship. 

You block his number.. take a vacation.. let him go back to whatever he thinks was there in his past.

He isn't divorced.. how long now? is this the guy who has been separated 7 years? it will never happen.. 

We all like to think we are special and can "be" t he change they need.. we can't and we aren't.. You need to move on and find someone ready for alife with you.. not just wanting a place to sleep.

It's the only way.  Sorry, I can tell you're hurting.

sadly, yes you let him go and stay gone. this yo-yo act he's pulling isn't fair to you. he's showing you who he is, believe him. talking the good talk doesn't matter when his action are showing you the real picture. I'm sorry because I know this hurts you but letting him toy with you and go to/fro is going to hurt you time and time again. Better one hurt then healing than a lifetime of nonstop pain.

Is this what HE is telling you? While there may be some truth to it, some could be exaggerated. 

He may feel "safe" with you. Regardless, he is not available to pursue a new relationship and you deserve someone who is into you; not someone showing up at his convenience. Block him.

it's okay to vent. it doesn't make sense because it cannot make sense. remember the words he's using to you are what he wants you to hear. but his actions speak differently and you don't know what his words to his wife are. 

he needs to figure himself out and if he is able to do that and move on with his life then maybe you will have that future you want with him. but he needs to tend to his business now then move foreward, he can't have both at the same time. you deserve better. 

please, vent away. maybe we can help untangle the mess, maybe we can't but I promise we will always be here to listen.

No one stays in a relationship for 15 years unless they want to. People get divorced every day and their kids do just fine. If this guy really wanted a divorce, he would be divorced.  I don't doubt that he is confused, but he is also feeding you a line.

Tell him to give you a call once he has been divorced for a solid year. If the feelings are real, they will still be there. In them meantime, block him from everything including your phone and social media and get on with your life.

Aw, Hon!

It hurts me to read your post. You’ve written:

… I have a great job, my own house and business. I have a good sense of humor, I take care of myself, and have very little debt. I cook, I clean, I do laundry….

and those are the very reasons that your (hopefully) ex-boyfriend is pursuing you with such determination; he needs a soft place to land as well as enjoying an attractive booty call and, Hon, you are a prize.

Please, oh please, logon to ‘chumplady.com’ and do some reading. Your ex-BF is a classic example of a convincing cheater and I’ll bet the farm that he’s been betraying his wife for yonks and, as already proven, ‘he’s a lying liar who lies’! Since she’s already taken him back at least twice since he became involved with you, I’m also certain that his yo-yoing follows a pattern that’s been well established over the years of his marriage. Yup, he’s a slippery sweet-talker and has been playing this game more than a few months ago. I’m an oldster who didn’t just fall off the turnip truck yesterday and, in my naïve and foolish younger years, got taken by a charming, married trickster just like this ex BF. Men like him know how to exploit kind, credulous and loving women. 

It’s very telling, that the man's first real hesitation on his alleged determination to divorce was the cost of CS and alimony. With your decent income, business, home, etc. added to what monies he expected to continue keeping for himself, he might have even considered a break from his marriage but, hey, when the ugly, financial truth hit him between the eyes, he faltered. And his deep concern  and anguish for his daughters seems a tad overblown for a man who was not particularly 'fatherly' in the past.

Hon, you've dodged a huge bullet! If I sound harsh, it's because, as mentioned above, I've been there, done that, and have the scars to prove it.

Stay away from him! You've already been kicked in the butt enough for one year, yes?

He has no earthly idea what he wants and he needs to get a grip. So do you. This is his problem to solve, not yours. So follow the of-cited advice of not being with a separated or divorced man until "he has done the work". This guy can't even begin to do the work because he keeps waffling to and fro and you are the one who is left in limbo. Sooooo, tell him to get in touch with you in a couple of years when all this has blown over and when he has done the work on himself and knows how to be a good father by himself, completely alone. Then promptly cut off all his access points to you. He's a mess and is dragging you into it.

If he's worth it, he'll be back in a couple of years with everything under control, ready to start anew with you. If not, well that would be confirmation that you dodged a bullet...

I kept busy. Some ideas are joining a book club, taking a craft/baking/cooking class, volunteer work, church groups (if you're into that), keep busy with your hands and body and your mind will follow too. call your friends, get together with family. join the gym or YMCA, learn to do something you've always wanted to do. Busy stuff. and also, consider counselling for yourself.  

The lies men tell. "She's abusive." That might mean the wife calmly stated she's tired of his BS. "We are separated but still living together for kids/financial reasons." That might mean he's straight-up married and lying to OP about it (ashamed to admit i fell for that line once.) If this guy wanted to be all in with OP, he would be all-in with OP. He sounds shady as fk.

Also, these 2 preteen daughters of his will probably make it their mission to make OP's life a living hell for the rest of their lives if OP ends up with him. 

Well said, ESMOD, as usual. Your comment:

..He and his wife may have their share of marital woes.. but to be clear.. you are one of their woes.. as he is cheating on her with you..   

Can be enlarged upon to include that well known maxim, 'When a man marries his mistress, he creates a vacancy'. In the fullness of time, a cheater will usually cheat again.

Of course you are, you put your hopes and emotions into him but he's got to clear out his relationship baggage before he has real room for you in his life. You cannot be his excuse to leave his wife, he has to do that for himself. 

It's okay to feel what you feel. As long as it doesn't become a hobby. 

Put in a movie, have a good cry and tomorrow is a new day. 

Block, block, block, block, block.

You have started the first day of the Rags three day rule. It will hurt the worst for 3days. Then each day after that it will hurt a bit less until eventually it will just be a rare unpleasant memory.

Unless you re-engage. It all starts over if you re-engage.  You have already re-engaged once, don't do it again.

Proud of you Mapmap. Please don't beat yourself up - actually you can be proud of yourself for facing reality and addressing this sooner than later. Plenty of people here are very smart, capable, successful, kind, empathetic, supportive, disciplined, etc., yet -here we are on StepTalk dealing with the crazy situations we found ourselves in. 

Glad you're here because we care & understand!

Look for things like Wine Down Wednesdays, Foodie and Theater nights, volunteer at the SPCA, Symphony, Opera, museums, etc, etc, etc... you will find quality people to meet, network with and when those people start introducing you to quality partner candidates, watch out because the sparks will fly and the match makers will be working to hook you up until your dance card is always full.  Then... be selective on who you engage on with second/third/etc...dates.

Heck, even try Church. Church squad will be all over matchmaking for a single lady.

If you want to rty the Cougar route, go back to school.  There are any number of both mature men and younger men on college campuses. Though I did not go back to school for a bride, I found one. The last semester of my 11yr undergrad career, 4  years after my divorce was final from my cheating XW.  

My incredible bride and I have been married 29+ years and counting. I am 12yrs the elder. It works for us.

You find quality where quality congregates. 

Go there.

Take care of you.

So he lied and he's really staying at his own house with his wife? Ditch that shady cheater. 

oh hon. he's full of crap.

So glad you're done with that loser. Nope, nope, NOPE to him returning.