A Rainbow appearing
Well, things have been more or less fairly peaceful since I disengaged. I say hello, goodbye, good evening and good morning (when I feel like it). I make simple requests, and do not lecture or interject my opinion any longer. This has made life tolerable. My disengagement could not have come at a better time, because Skids have decided that they want a 5-day loop now instead of just 3-day visits. This was done without any discussion with me, and I am still steamed about it, naturally. There have been a few arguments, and I have stated my desires to at least be included in decisions that affect me. The response I received was honest and simple: things will not change and am I going to be ok with that?
However, as time passes, SD17 (Winona) is approaching her 18th birthday. She will get a cute little BMW to drive when she gets her drivers license and hopefully a job. She does nothing to help around the house, and always somehow with all her staying at home and not going anywhere or doing anything (she is part vegetable you see...) somehow has not managed to #1. Clean her pig pen of a room (door is still off, so I get full view) and #2. pack appropriately for a 5-day visit with mother. So, one month until birthday and one month after to high school graduation. SO keeps saying that's when things will change. I am not holding my breath for fear of asphyxiation.
SO tells me he will charge her rent if she wants to stay with us full-time. Well, here's to hoping she will do SOMETHING.
The other night, I cooked and prepared a lovely shrimp stir fry (you see she is pescatarian so we have to prepare things she chooses to eat) and during a heated argument about Trump and the repealing of the Trans gender bathrooms, with her father, she gets up and stomps off. No thank you, nothing. Therefore I am not very excited about cooking anything that she will try to munch on. She has taken to preparing bowls of food and going to eat in her room. The dishes stack and molder. This time, I am happy to post, SO put his foot down and had SD17 eat at dining table. And wash her dishes.
This weekend, because she was having her menstrual cycle, and that is so new and different and no woman ever had pain of this type besides her, she was not required to do any cleaning. In fact, she got out of bed 4 times - to shower and grab some food. Forget about me asking her to clean out empty/unused items, like 3-4 times so I can clean the bathroom, forget about her used pads that almost made me puke - I am ok with cleaning common areas that I use, because I believe in creating a calm, clean environment and in nurturing the space, I nurture myself. And starting today, I get a 5 day vacation from her snotty, lying, stinky, obnoxious self (for background newbies, my blogs say it ALL)! So this week is starting off PDG = Pretty Darn Good. And as for the younger one - she is a joy for the most part, but starting to challenge me...
It has been raining a ton - worst storms here in over 100 years. A major bridge has isolated the citizens of a much-beloved community, and business are forced to close because they rely on tourism.
I am going to focus on the rainbow, and stay positive and know that I have a good future with this man... and in 3 years time he will be rid of ex, and SD17...
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About six months ago I
About six months ago I cleaned out the kids bathroom trash can and left it to dry in the sun. I put it back the next day. I didn't realize that SD started her period that day. Instead of asking where the trash can was or putting her used pads in the kitchen trash, she left 4 used pads under the bathroom sink. A week later I went into their bathroom for something and was hit in the face with a foul odor. I found the used pads under the sink. Only one was actually wrapped up the others were fully open and nasty. I took pictures with my phone and sent them to DH.
When SD finally came back for her weekend visit I showed her the pictures and asked what she thought was wrong with this scenario.
She has always been a gross kid. The reason I found this site and my first post was because we found a pile of about 15 pairs of her underwear full of feces hidden in her room. DH and I refer to it as underwear-gate.
Underwear-gate!!!!!!! Oh
Underwear-gate!!!!!!! Oh freak!!!!!
Dup
Dup
Oh man..that is just
Oh man..that is just seriously revolting!! I'd be tempted to throw that tampon on her pillow!! I hope your DH is serious...but somehow, I doubt it.
your DH is bluffing... start
your DH is bluffing... start working on him and on Winnona to leave shortly after graduation, make it a living hell or her, your time is running out.
1. all used lady products to be dumped on her bed, if she complains smile and say, Oh you did not take the trash out I thought you wanted to keep it.
2. Stop cooking what she wants, she can have ramin noodles, you cook everything you want and what she hates
3. when Dh tells you she will pay rent, start laughing like hell and ask - are you trying to bluff me or convince yourself you can actually make this happen
Acratopotes - Its Lent and I
Acratopotes - Its Lent and I gave up meat and am cooking seafood and veggies - so everything I make she will like!!!! Poo.
LOL. Yeah. Lassy (lazy ass), when she gets a job I think I will faint!!!!! She cannot even get herself out of bed to get to school on time. Tardies every week now. She might not graduate, because she has not fulfilled her community service hours and she has failed a government class, and now has summer school. So there will be her excuse for not getting a job...Im getting myself together so that when the time comes I have other options, and more independence.
Heaven - 3 years time,
Heaven - 3 years time, alimony will be done, and he seriously wants to launch SD17 who will be 18 this month and graduated next month. I figure by 21, she will be out and launched properly. There is no way he is going to put up with her mouthing off and lazing away when she has no school obligations. WE had a conversation about it last night - he has been disengaging, surprisingly enough. He sais that he has given up and cannot put anymore energy towards her and helping her does no good, because she doesn't want any help, she knows everything.
She even went so far as to reject dermatology appointment when she has really horrible cystic acne, because she doesn't believe a doctor can make any difference. She's not that bright.
He's getting tired of having to support her and her lazy self. Hes getting tired of giving her money because she has no job. Hes getting tired of hearing me complain about it all!
But you might be right, however I can make things difficult for her, very difficult.
Yes, thanks - I am working on making myself more independent in case I need to start fresh.
. Forget about me asking her
. Forget about me asking her to clean out empty/unused items, like 3-4 times so I can clean the bathroom
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Disengage a little more hun. Tell DH that you are tired of asking her to clean up her messes so from now on, it will be his responsibility to take care of it. Either he can have her clean it or he can clean it. Also tell him that you don’t care about a messy bedroom but you do care about nasty bedrooms and things that can attract critters into the house. So if he cannot keep his little darling from eating in her room, he needs to go in there EVERY day and clean up any dishes or food in there. EVERY DAY.
And don’t worry if she packs well to go to her moms or not. Just be happy she will be gone for 5 days. lol
And oh crap!!! He does not have an exit plan for the 17 year old?! DH and I sat down and went over this before we ever walked down the isle.
Today…sit your DH down and tell him plans/rules need to be made about this. No HS graduate over the age of 18 can live in your house unless they are in college FULL time and have a part time job. If they choose not to do that then they move out or go into the military. And stick to your guns on this one. You could end up with her forever.
Listen to Willow when it
Listen to Willow when it comes to disengagement - she's the queen!!
Willow - I told him that any
Willow - I told him that any big decisions such as SD17 living with us FULL TIME, I need to be included. I am preparing my speech. He has said that talking to her makes no difference, and he has also told me that I am disposable and she is not, that she is his flesh and blood, and will always be welcome in his home. So we shall see, if they decide to not include me in this decision, and I simply have to "deal with it", I know myself - I will get very angry and go into my "punisher mode". I don't like doing that! So I am working on creating choices for myself, and will be ready when she turns 18 this month, if we have to have this conversation, and if we do not, I am preparing for that as well.
I have mentioned it several times - asked what is the "launch plan?" His answer is always, "we have to just hope she graduates high school, and then take it from there." Because she has failed a class, she might have summer school to complete. Also she has no drivers license and no job. No ambitions, no experience, black mark on record already, and no plans for college, not really much aptitude for studies.
Forever is a mighty long time! I definite want to be an empty-nester and so does SO I doubt, plus that she will last with me there bossing her around, LOL. Then I get to hear her say to dadee "I cant believe you are choosing your Clove over your own daughter!" or some such drivel. WEll, hey, 18 - all bets are off for child support requirements. I doubt if she will go to college. In California I have read that parent is not responsible past the 18 & high school, as they are in other states.
Nope - Willow, no exit plan.
Nope - Willow, no exit plan. He tells me that he has "had some conversations" and told her when she graduates (if she graduates) then she will either need to go to college full time, which he will pay for, or get a full time job and pay rent.
Last time she and I argued (over that darn rabbit), she texted me her "sorry not sorry" poor me victim text, with the line "and sorry not sorry that my dad will kick me out of the house when I turn 18, because of you..."
LOL. Has nothing to do with me. I am disposable. He will put up with whatever and yell at her about dishes, but wont kick her out anytime soon. But I can be...difficult to live with when upset...
YES major vacay!!! HE made sure SD17 was packed for the 5 days. Not going to hear her stomping through the house (she is major stomper), not going to have my morning turn into battle zone over dishes/ready to leave/whatever she decides to argue over. Not going to smell her stench!!!!
LOL. Yes Cocktail that is so
LOL. Yes Cocktail that is so true. I hear that SO has been "having conversations", and told her she will need to pay rent if she is not going to college. I am going to sit him down tonight and ask the question of "what if" - and give the scenarios. I need to know as his life partner what I can expect for the EXTREMELY NEAR future. I am wondering:
1. Say for example she goes to college full time and has no job. Will he continue to support her completely or does he expect her to get parttime job? And what about household/expenses? Cleaning?
2. Say for example, no college for a time, take a break from school, and gets parttime job? Full time job? What are expectations?
3. No school, no job - what then? What repercussions/strategy?
Very stressed about this right now, on top of everything else!
They don't really talk about
They don't really talk about anything - its mentioned in happenstance, and I am certainly never included in these "talks", however I will start insisting that I am. Or I can be...difficult.