sd15 making up lies and refusing to communicate. GREAT!! Advice needed please!
DH has been trying to communicate with sd15 for about a month, since her bday. Everything was perfectly fine when we dropped her off. Since then she's busy. Not just buuuuuuusy, but sooooooo busy with homework. All the time. So much that she can read his texts but not respond to them. She can't answer the phone either, she's so busy!!
We had to switch weekends for last weekend, dh let them know way ahead of time and didn't pressure sd to come here any other weekends bc of how busy bm has been telling us she is.
He talked with bm, she agreed to the switch but only said that sd had to study a lot while she was here. End of story or so we thought.
DH texts sd15 this morning that he's picking her up on friday, he receives multiple texts but the most infuriating was the one that said:
you can't make plans without me. i never agreed to switch. or come to see you. i would love to see you but i'm busy bc i already made plans. I'm in high school now and I have more homework.
she then accused him of making plans for weekends and then not showing up or canceling at the last minute. she even accused him of saying that he would come to her events then not showing up for them.
This is a huge fat lie. Every bit of it!! He's never done those things!!
I'm not sure what to say to him. I'm sure his feelings are hurt. It's simpler for me to not have her around but she is his daughter and it is what it is. Not my choice.
He said there were many more texts but he would have to show me later tonight. His words were "well no more wondering, that's all settled".
Any advice as to how he should handle this whole situation??
Part of me would say screw you and call me when you grow up!! But it's not my kid.
The reason that this is ongoing and has escalated this year is because when things like this happen, it gets swept under the rug. And then when she comes for the next visitation or when we see her after that it's all glitter and rainbows. No one ever says anything to her about how she acted before.
I feel that it's a no win situation for him.
She's been her 2 maybe 3 times this year. And we have a whole room that sits there with a little bit of her crap in it bc it's her room. Our house is so small. I'm annoyed at this.
But I don't want to let my dislike of his kid affect how he should feel. Any advice or ways that you think to handle this?? I'm just not sure kissing up is going to get him anywhere except back to square one.
And cutting off communication just won't happen for very long. She'll turn it all around against him. Which is what bm wants.
too much to deal with.
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Stop chasing her. She is
Stop chasing her. She is enjoying the attention and the game and the power she wields over her Dad. If she won't come visit, don't argue, just an "OK, love you." And leave it at that.
Change her room into an office or craft/game room.
Well it doesn't sound as bad
Well it doesn't sound as bad as I thought, he told me later he really guilt tripped her and "got to her" as much as he could. Whatever that means. I think it means she acted sad and he said ok baby, sorry you feel that way. Whatever!! I don't know why I even care or wasted any of my time on that.
On a good note, I don't have to see her for almost 4 weeks!! Yay!! Lucky me!
Wow you just totally
Wow you just totally described sd17 at that age. Someone already said "stop chasing her." As a SM (I was new) I asked the stalk audience what to do back then b/c I was heartbroken for my husband. ' ignore it' that's what everyone told me too. I supported my DH and let him vent but like you said the next time she came it was rainbows. No talking to her about her smart mouth, no telling her if she didn't have time for him, he didn't have time for her - nothing! It's like nothing ever happened - I was shocked after all the hurt and pissed off talking. That should be your lesson. He wants her to come regardless of how she treats him and he won't say anything to piss her off or she won't come again...vicious cycle. Just listen to him vent and brush it off. And for gods sake don't get involved Bc no matter what you will be wrong.
Now fast forward 3 years later my sd15 (at the time) was shacked up with her BF secretly (under BM's roof) and that's the reason she was soooooo busy and couldn't come visit. And good glory she only comes twice a year for a week at a time now. <<<<< that's a good thing. }:) It all pans out - hang in there.
SD had her 14th birthday a
SD had her 14th birthday a couple of days ago. Usually SO would buy her anything her heart desired. She has refused to visit for over a year and still ignores her Dad's texts to her. She is angry. So very angry with him for putting her in her proper place - as his daughter. She holds herself even above her brother (2 yrs younger than her) and expects to be the one to control everything.
Life was hell. I thought I was losing my mind because I've never met a mini-wife before and didn't even know such a thing existed.
Counsellor has helped us a lot! Advised us to let her stay with BM and continue with our relationship. Funny thing is SS12 has no problem with us and loves visiting. SD14 hates the fact tht her Father is with "another woman".
I absolutely HATE it when SO chases her. He didn't put any gift or cash (which is what she expected) in her birthday card. When FMIL took the card to her, SD tore into it, saw no money, screwed up the card and shoved it in her bag with a scowl. SO also wrote her a letter (sappy, soppy one) and she still hasn't responded or thanked him for the card. FMIL told her she was disappointed in her behaviour and asked her to contact her Father. SD replied that HE has to be the one to keep reaching out and there was no reason for her to call him. That just sez it all.
Keep being strong and I hope your DH realises how pathetic and wimpy he is being by chasing her. I came very, very close to losing respect for my SO and told him if he kept itup, I'd be gone and then she'd return and they could go back to playing happy families.
Where do teenagers come up
Where do teenagers come up with the " he needs to contact me first " bs ???
I could never imagine saying that to my father ever !!
I know how you feel , it's
I know how you feel , it's the sadness that gets to you , I try to out my feet in my DF's shoes n I would b upset.
When kids get to high school it's a whole different ball game. It's football games, bonfires, movies the mall ..... This is when social life gets amped up. Just imagine a kid trying to fit in but every other weekend has to go see Dad. It's hard ~ I just wish kids could b honest ~ sure it's gonna hurt his feelings but he will understand if it's explained. We all want our kids to be happy. He just needs to let her know ~ he's there for her.
The guilt trip bs is just ridiculous. Does making the other person feel bad ever really work ?? I think we are all mature enough to see manipulation a mile away.