BM Invasion
I am incredibly frustrated by a situation involving BM. My DH and I went on a 4 day getaway last week. We left very early on a Thursday and returned late Monday evening. My SD14 & SD12 went to a camp, leaving Friday after school and returning Sunday afternoon. My DD22 stayed at our house to fill in if SD needed anything such as rides to and from camp. BM said she would leave work to take them both ways. My DD said BM entered the house without knocking 3 times while we were gone. My DD was sitting at the kitchen table the first time she burst in. DD said excuse me, but who are you- having never met her. She gave BM a “seriously” look that was ignored. Another time she came in to use the bathroom, and then pretended not to know where it was. SD14 said “mom you know where the bathroom is”. Clearly she is a frequent visitor to the house. If I am home she texts the girls from the driveway- apparently if I am not, she just comes right in. It feels like an invasion to me.
I blame BM, because she is the adult in the situation and should know better. DH and I have had the “I don’t want her in my house “conversation many times. I blame him for not properly addressing this when we moved into our new house. He had no boundaries in place when I entered the picture. There are some now, but not enough for me. He is afraid of upsetting his girls by saying she can’t come in. He says he walks a fine line. I get along with SD’s well, and don’t want to ruin my relationship with them, but this is really getting to me.
How do others delicately handle this situation??
Tell DH he needs to address
Tell DH he needs to address with BM asap. This isn't a SK issue, it's a boundary issue that DH needs to handle with BM.
This. All of this.
This. All of this.
dup
dup
Either he addresses it or you
Either he addresses it or you call the cops. Could always start just walking into her home and use the bathroom!
This is so far out of line so far... Let your DD know next time she's to not ask questions but call 911 that a woman just walked into the home and needs to be escorted off the property. and your DH needs to send her a letter that it ends she is NOT to step foot outside her car, if it continues HE will seek legal action if he refuses you know where you stand in his totem pole of importance
I would text her that there
I would text her that there was money missing and you believe that she took it last time she came in and you will press charges if it doesn't get paid back in time
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
OMGEEEE! This is fabulous!
i would tell DH- you have one
i would tell DH- you have one week to address this correctly and permanently. if you do not, then i will handle it MY way.
does she have a key? id
does she have a key? id probably change my locks too just to be safe.
Thanks for the comments.
Thanks for the comments. Sometimes I think DH thinks I am overreacting. My first husband is deceased, so he doesn't have to deal with any of this crap. Sometimes I wish he did so he could feel what it's like. Maybe I will hold a seance and tell him my children want their dad to visit the home too }:)
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I agree that there is never a reason for her to be in my house. I also think I don't have a reason to go into hers, so I don't!!! She doesn't have a key, but the girls each do in their backpacks. They also have the garage code. She could easily get that from them. They are loyal to her, not me. They have to let themselves in after school. My DD is away at college most of the time, so opportunity knocks
He says he walks a fine line?
He says he walks a fine line? no such thing as this in marriage. time to get off that line and firmly in his wife's half.
Make it as clear to your
Make it as clear to your husband as possible that you won't put up with this and that you take it as being as bad as a stranger off the street coming in uninvited. He needs to tell BM and his kids that she is not welcome in your home any more unless specifically invited in by either himself or you (as the adults of the house). If necessary help your husband to explain in a way that his kids will understand why there is suddenly a change of rules in your house. I would also be tempted to install some kind of nanny cam so that if she does come in again when you aren't around you have proof.
Personally I communicated to BM via my husband that she wasn't welcome unless expressly invited inside by one of us adults. She respected this for a while until one day when we were all having an argument. She entered uninvited and then refused to leave the house and ended up pushing me to the ground. I called the cops on her and I haven't seen her since. I think it scared her. It also scared my husband who is doing a great job at keeping us apart and her away from the house. He wanted her to come by the other weekend but i refused and made him meet BM at a local coffee shop instead.
Btw when the cops came they said that i was absolutely in the right to call if she refused to leave the house as that counts as trespassing. So don't worry that you will be wasting their time.
If it was me, I would reset
If it was me, I would reset the code on the garage and not tell the skids. I would change the locks and not give them the key. And I would make whatever arrangements needed to have the skids go somewhere else (daycare)until I got home.
Another option is to get a good security system that allows you to remote arm or dis-arm. Then you set the alarm, de-arm when the kids get there from school and re-arm once they are in the house. The alarm will notify (and the police) if anyone enters the house when you're not home.
Or wait and greet her with a shotgun when she let herself in.
Oh and as far as telling her money was missing.... Make it a believable amount. Saying you had a thousand isn't as believable as saying there was $743.52 on the bureau and it's gone.
wow, I would not do that
wow, I would not do that whole money thing.Blaming someone for stealing when she didn't is not right! Be brave and tell your husband you feel uncomfortable and he needs to tell BM that.I know you had the talk before, but tell him this is not about he kids but about you feeling like this is not your home and you don't have a say.