Not Family?????
So, DH goes on a business trip out of the country last week for 6 days. I told DH that if BM needed me to help watch SDs, that she would have to tell me in advance as I would not be available for last minute drop offs. I thought it was funny that I did not hear from them all week. It was awesome actually! I spent a blissful week hanging with friends, visiting my family, drinking wine while listening to Pandora instead of the TV blasting 24/7. I missed my hubby, but loved my week. I came home from work Friday and was chatting with SD14 & DH who had just arrived home from the airport. SD was complaining that BM would not let them come over to our house. She told them that from now on if their dad was out of town, they would be with her regardless of her work schedule (she is a waitress and works long hours and many nights). She said it was “weird to be with me instead of family”. I really don’t care if they were with her, she is their mother. I prefer it actually. But to imply to them that I was not their family??? Nice job BM! Just wait until you need something from me. As I am not their family and it is far better that they stay alone for your 12 hour shifts, I will never have a reason to say yes to you. Grrrr :O
or she could have responded
or she could have responded 'we will give SM a break this week to enjoy herself since she does so much for you'.
Yea, that will never happen. My BM has finally started stepping up to take care of her own. Now that they are old enough to take care of theirselves and her, that is.
There's a million miles
There's a million miles between "not family" and "a stranger."
Sorry, OP, you AREN'T family. Never will be.
Your right about them being
Your right about them being with her when Dh is out of town. I totally enjoy my alone time, and she is their mother. I just took offence to the term "weird being with her". Like I was some stranger they found on craig's list.
BM will not " allow " me to
BM will not " allow " me to watch kids while DH is out of town either. She calls me " a glorified babysitter ", nothing else. I think its great. I think if their parent is not around, there is no need for skids to be in our house. Be happy, and move on !
LMAO - apart from one aspect
LMAO - apart from one aspect this is my situation too - BM would not in a million years ALLOW the kids to be left with me ever - if OH goes to the shops they have to go as well....
The only aspect that differs is you get the much nicer title of "glorified babysitter" where BM here calls me "the whore"
Many SMs will tell you they
Many SMs will tell you they don't think of their SKs as family. I don't understand why it's a problem for a SM to share that opinion.
A BM willing to take responsibility for her kids instead of dumping them on SM is a good thing.
THIS I love my SKs. They are
THIS
I love my SKs. They are respectful and well behaved. Like all kids,there are times when they do or say dumb stuff. We all get along great but they are not my family.
I'm sure I would feel differently if they lived with me full-time and I had a hand in raising them.
I would just take it as
I would just take it as enjoyed time and leave it at that.
My DH works offshore and I have offered multiple times if SS wants to come over he can, even when I know it is for BM to go on a date or whatever it may be. BM told SS that I was not to even be mentioned when in her custody, and he has told me several times he wished he could come over. I tell him it is not my choice.
I take the time DH is gone as a break. We need those you say you enjoyed it so just take it as that and move on. YOU shouldn't be doing anything for BM anyways it is not your responsibility - your DH messed around with her she is his responsibility to help or do whatever not yours.
I'm not 'mommy' to SD by far,
I'm not 'mommy' to SD by far, but she is part of my family in the same way my MIL, FIL, SIL, BIL & DH's cousins are family. SD, if asked to draw a picture of her family, would draw 2 pics. One with DH, myself, & her, & our dog, & possibly the 'new baby'. One with BM & her sibling (different BF)
Isn't that what a wedding symbolizes? Two families joining?
At least in my culture it does.
Either way, kids should still be with BM if DH isn't there. Yes, my in laws are my family in my book. But if I had a very young SIL & FIL was out of town, I would expect MIL to keep her. Parents are the ones responsible if either is available.
Meh, I'd chalk it up to a
Meh, I'd chalk it up to a weird comment by BM. Not really her being "bitchy" per se, but just a difference of opinion on what constitutes "family". (Same as you're seeing in these comments.) Some people see steps as family the same as in-laws - you married into the family, but it's still family. Others see it as "DH's family", "DW's family" and "our" family (DH, DW and any new kiddos). Neither is really wrong, it's just a different viewpoint. It is too bad that she's trying to instill that viewpoint in your SDs though, and if you feel they ARE family then I'd tell them that.
I could definitely see why
I could definitely see why this would bother you. I get the "you're not family" comments, but every sitch is different. SKS live with DH and I full time. They see my parents more than any of their biogrands, they have a half sibling in my home... etc. We all consider each other family. They have been raised in my home since they were 3 and 4. They do see BM, but its 4 days a month- sometimes. We still call their Stepfather part of their "family". I dont think it is appropriate to diminish a child's feelings towards someone.
Yeah .. my sister-in-law is
Yeah .. my sister-in-law is one of my closest friends and I absolutely consider her family. I suppose that's incorrect being that she only married into my family and will never actually share any blood relation with me :?
You're not family; you share
You're not family; you share no blood with them. I guess no one that marries into my family is ever really "family" either based on that definition .. silly differentiation if you ask me.
She could have said their dad wasn't home so they were staying with her .. didn't have to be "weird" to stay with their stepmom .. which I'm sure has happened in shorter stints in the past. Just a simple way for BM to be sly and backhanded when it's not necessary.
I disagree! I will have no
I disagree! I will have no problem saying to my sons, "You are going to spend this week with your SM ( DH works out of town at times) - she is (your) family."
My boys have two families, me and DH and their dad and SM. Of course she is family! I don't care what would happen if their dad was out of the picture. May be she won't be interested in them anymore. But right now she is their family, fair and square.
I also have to tell you, my mother's brother divorced his wife of 40+ years, and all of us who are his blood relatives still consider her family, always have, always will. She was around when i was little, and i have a great relationship with her today. She is MY family, however my uncle looks at it ( luckily they are on really great terms).