Couple Friends....Not
Does anyone have any experiences to share about friends of your DH and his ex that have a hard time accepting you as the new spouse? My DH has a “couple friend” whom I can’t stand. They moved out of town before I met DH. He and his ex did a lot with this family. My problem is with her actually. She has said some inappropriate and hurtful things on several different occasions.
1. While visiting them out of town and driving alone in a car with her, she turned to me and said “I just want you to know that Hubby and I did not take sides in their divorce”. I never brought up the ex or asked her what her stand on the divorce was. She also let me know that she gave advice to DH while he was meeting women on the online dating service. She then let me know that she met both past girlfriends and thought they were nice enough.
2. After we became engaged, they were staying at his place for a few days. We were all sitting in the living room, when she asked DH if his wife would mind if she dropped the girl’s off alone at the mall. This was right in front of me. He said “I don’t have a wife”. She replied “sorry….it’s a hard habit to break”. They had been divorced for over 5 years.
3. After our wedding, select people came back to our house for an after party of sorts. A member of my family asked her how she knew DH. She replied that she used to live next door to DH and ex. This was my wedding day and I was offended!
4. After we bought our house, DH was face timing her and I jokingly said tell DH that he should stay out of the decorating. She replied “listen to your w….milldog. She seemed unable to refer to me as the wife.
She has made several remarks about vacationing together, and I don’t want to spend my limited vacation time with her. I told all this to DH and he doesn’t understand why I take it so seriously. He doesn’t even remember these remarks, although they were said directly to him. I know he is disappointed that I don’t like them. I tried, but after the comment at the wedding, I was done with her. Should I suck it up and try again?
I wouldn't. Sometimes it's
I wouldn't. Sometimes it's better to let these things go. If you want to try, for DH's sake, talk to her. Very directly and bluntly. Tell her how what she's saying makes you feel and that it's disrespectful. There is an off chance she just doesn't realize how bad it's coming across to you.
I'm lucky in that pretty much all of DH's friends hated his ex-wife. They didn't have "couple friends".
Nah. Life's too short to
Nah. Life's too short to waste on someone like that. You wouldn't be friends with her if you met her outside your relationship with DH, so why should that change just because you're married to him? Definitely don't go on vacation!
My DH has a couple like that as well. Actually, the wife is *still* friends with BM. And she pulled some crap at our wedding too, so I feel for you on that! So if DH wants to go over for dinner or something, I go along and smile and have superficial chit chat. I'm not "friends" with her though, nor does DH think I have to have some sort of friendship with her just because he does. And no way on god's green earth would I ever go on vacation with her!
fortunately for me, fiance's
fortunately for me, fiance's friends all rejoiced at his divorce because they actually got to see him again! BM is very anti-social and they never went out with couples. he has some great friends and im sad for him at the 18 years of life he missed out on by being married to BM.
No let them go...We had to do
No let them go...We had to do the same thing with several couples. DH liked them, but they just made me uncomfortable.
No you should not suck it up!
No you should not suck it up! This "couple's friend-wife" has clearly communicated where her loyalties lie (with the BM).
How would you treat any good friend of the BM? Welcome her with open arms into your life and allow her access to an intimate look at your familial relationships (with DH or kids, etc.)
Or do you treat BMs friends civilly and keep them at an appropriate distance?
She is BMs friend. Respect that and move on without her in your life. No vacations. No parties. Nothing.
well, they say no man is
well, they say no man is controlled unless he wants to be.
but that said, i know that for my fiance it just was easier to just do what BM wanted or demanded because whenever he asserted himself she made his life HELL.
i remember when we first got together he was invited to opening day for baseball. he "asked" me if he could go and was surprised i said yes. months later he told me that he was so surprised i didnt demand something in return for "letting" him go to the game. i asked what he meant, and he told me that BM never would have let him go and if she did that she woudl have demanded a day at the spa in return to "keep it fair". seriously??
I wouldn't waste my time on
I wouldn't waste my time on her. She obviously has some kind of loyalty to the ex. She sounds very passive aggressive and disrespectful, like another response said.