Hi…It has been a long time since I have posted here. I have been with my DH 5 years, married 3. I have 2 stepdaughters, SD16 & SD14. They live with us full time by their choice. They visit with their BM throughout the week. DH and I never speak ill of their BM, and they see her anytime they want. In the beginning of our marriage, my DH and I had to put up some boundaries with his ex as she had previously been able do as she pleases. This included walking right into his house (which was theirs when they were married), calling, and texting excessively. We moved to our new house after we married. She has always been very dismissive of me when we are forced to be somewhere together. I am sure she blames me for cutting off her freedom with my DH.

DS16 went to prom last weekend. She asked us to invite her boyfriend’s parents over for wine and picture taking. She approached my DH a few days before prom asking if her mother could come over and help her get ready and take pictures. He told her no, that it would make us feel awkward. We also didn’t want to be put in the position of asking her to join us for wine. He knew I would hate her coming in and going upstairs. I think what happened was she asked SD16 to come get ready at her house and she declined. I don’t think she wanted anyone helping her get ready, and she didn’t want to cart all her stuff over there.

BM was furious when SD16 told her the response. She took SD14 to dinner the next night and apparently told her about the refusal. SD14 approached me to ask if she could come over. I said we were going to stick with what her dad said, and walked away. Then BM text DH saying she” DID NOT UNDERSTAND” why she couldn’t come over. Three different ways she tried to make it happen! I would have never asked again after being told no once. DH text her back and said SD16 can go over there and get ready. Neither of us would have cared if she had done that. He told BM it would feel awkward and it wasn’t going to happen. He told SD16 that she needed to go over to her mom’s after our house to take pictures. She and her boyfriend did that.She seemed to have no problem with the situation.

SD14 has told DH that she doesn’t understand why her mom can’t come over. She is pretty mad about it. We both feel like we have the right to decided who gets to come into our home. We feel we offered compromise, and everyone got to see and take pictures. How do you explain this to a 14 year old without coming out and saying your mom is straight up never welcome in our home. My relationship with the SDs is pretty good otherwise.