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Progress but I feel like such a nag

alieigh21's picture

After our last incident with SD I had a long talk with DH. I let him know I was at my breaking point as far as SD was concerned. Most of her issues I do not get involved in. DH handles it. In many ways he's stricter than I would be. But he would say that SD needs stricter rules because of her history of making bad decisions. The one area where he isn't as strict is in the area of household chores and it drives me crazy.

I expect my kids to help around the house. Sure they played the games with me trying to avoid doing the work. Sometimes it is easier to do it yourself than to nag. This is what SD is counting on. If she stalls and makes excuses long enough she will get out of it. She always claims she doesn't have time. Make time or suffer the consequences.

After last weeks fight DH agreed that SD would have until Friday to get her room cleaned and Sunday to get her bathroom cleaned. After dinner DH reminded her that the bathroom still was not clean. Of course she tried to bargain a few more days.

DH's response was that if she waited it would mean canceling her social activities.

So she asked where the cleaner was she went up supposedly to clean the bathroom. A few minutes later I went upstairs and SD was back in her room. I looked in the bathroom and it was as disgusting as ever. I told DH it was not done.

He eventually comes and tells me the cleaner wasn't where I said it was and that was why she hadn't done it. I called bullshit. If it wasn't where I told him it was because she did not return it after the last time I demanded her bathroom be cleaned. I also said she should have kept looking until she found it.

It may sound horrible but I work full time and am going to school full time. I refuse to be responsible for the entire house and I refuse to allow filth. I also refuse to force my BD to clean up after SD when she comes home from school. I told DH she either starts helping or moves out, no excuses, no more chances. If he didn't make sure it was done I would remind him until he did.

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alieigh21's picture

I know I've had to be super nag with my kids at times. Mostly my son. I call it learned helplessness. If I pretend not to know how to do something someone will do it for me. If BS made excuses like he didn't know how to do something my response: "I'll stand and watch and give you pointers." Amazing how he seemed to figure it out. In this case I'm nagging DH. He knows she's making excuses but he still falls for it sometimes.

Tuff Noogies's picture

"learned helplessness" - absolutely!!! i've said that phrase countless times to dh. and if he hears it, my dh always jumps up and does it for them, regardless of the task.

yesterday mss comes in the livingroom. "hey daddy? the dogs bucket is empty."

dh jumps up and proceeds to fill it.

so i ask mss - "ok, what do you think you should do with the bucket when it's empty?"

"uuuummmm, i dont know, fill it i guess."

"so why didnt you just fill it up?"

"uuummmmm, i wasnt sure how, i've never done it before."

"wow, ok mss. son. think. what goes in the bucket?"

"water..."

"and where do you get water from?"

"uuuhhh, the sink?"

"so you'd take the empty bucket where?"

"uuuhhh, the sink?"

"and do what with it?"

"fill it with water???"

bravo, mss, bravo. and he's almost 15...

alieigh21's picture

That's awesome! Pretty much the way you teach a child in preschool. It amazes me that a kids could make it to 15 or with my SD 18 (today) and not know how to do the simplest tasks.