SD finally moved out

SD finally moved out. Of course DH had to be the one to move her stuff. He promised that if SD had not moved her things by last weekend he would do it. She apparently has been complaining to him that we are pushing her out. It became obvious that her plan was to use her house as a way to do what she wanted in her free time but use our house for necessities.

Sorry sweetheart, you made the decision to move out. You were told when you made that decision that moving out would mean you are 100% on your own. As of this week, the sleepovers because you can't get a ride to work stop. The bus runs between your house and your work. NO, DH is not going to take you to get your hair cut and sure as hell not going to pay for color. Yes I know shampoo and personal hygiene items are expensive. It never stopped you from wasting them or using 3 times what any normal person should need. Most of all, get your own bank account. DH is not your personal banker.

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but if she did all that how

but if she did all that how could DH to do all of it for her!

He's doing better than I

He's doing better than I expected. We talked about it this morning. He said he keeps telling her she needs to get her own bank account but so far she hasn't. Me, "That's because each time she gets a check you cash it for her. She won't do it unless you give her no option."

I know how it feels I've

I know how it feels I've suggested for TWO years to get a bank account and one year to put a phone bill or utility in her Name (that i offered to pay) so she could build credit. NOPE!

She moves out May first. I broke down and cleaned her room May 12 because she never did and despite knowing her brother was to move in it.

She texts me angry to leave her things be (her sister, the other mini wife informed her I was cleaning). I box up anyways and put into the basement because her brother needs that room (of course I'm the bitch for caring about HER bio brother, not even my blood!)

Its almost July, her stuff is STILL crowding my basement. I will be having a fit if its there on the first because two months is more than enough to use your fathers could-be gym as your storage unit. But of course *I* am the bitch for caring about her father's space and having a clean home for her sibling....

We were getting DH's mothers

We were getting DH's mothers antique furniture. Since BS has moved back and would be paying rent he was moving to the bigger room and getting my old furniture. The smaller room that BS has been staying in will be a guest room. Since SD wouldn't move her things the room has been sitting mostly unused for almost 2 months while BS lives from baskets on the floor.

I saw this coming from a mile away. I put my foot down. I gave DH a deadline and told him she had until last weekend to have her things moved out. I would deal with anything that was still there when I began to clean the room this week. DH knew by deal with it I meant "Take it to the curb." He would have probably let it sit for months if he hadn't complained about BS leaving his things in the garage. I simply reminded him that BS didn't want to move his things twice so was waiting until he could move into his new room. AND this was where DH had told BS to put them. I told him if he wanted them moved he should tell me where to put them and I would make sure it was done.

It was not until the afternoon on the deadline day that SD actually began to help. At one point I heard SD tell DH, "Dad, this box is ready for you to carry to the truck." I bit my tongue but I'm pretty sure DH saw the disapproval on my face because he actually asked SD why she didn't carry it down.

I know how it feels I've

I know how it feels I've suggested for TWO years to get a bank account and one year to put a phone bill or utility in her Name (that i offered to pay) so she could build credit. NOPE!

She moves out May first. I broke down and cleaned her room May 12 because she never did and despite knowing her brother was to move in it.

I know how it feels I've

I know how it feels I've suggested for TWO years to get a bank account and one year to put a phone bill or utility in her Name (that i offered to pay) so she could build credit. NOPE!

She moves out May first. I broke down and cleaned her room May 12 because she never did and despite knowing her brother was to move in it.

It became obvious that her

It became obvious that her plan was to use her house as a way to do what she wanted in her free time but use our house for necessities.

^^this was my SD19 exactly and you verbalized it so well. She was using us as a flop house. It's time for real life to kick these kids in the teeth on their own.

My SD23 won't get a bank

My SD23 won't get a bank account, either. I guess BM is cashing her checks for her (that's who she lives with).

My DH has told her for years that she needs her own savings and/or checking account, even when she was married. Now, she's divorced but still won't open bank account.

He told her she could have her paychecks direct deposited and she told him, "That would be a waste of my time." :?

Thank God, we live far enough away that it's not convenient for her to rely on us for anything. My DH would not be cashing her checks for her, he would take her to the damn bank and make her open an account!

DH tried that. He needed to

DH tried that. He needed to take her on the weekend. Every time he tried she would go to BM, have to work or refuse to get up. I told him the ONLY solution is to stop cashing her checks.

Everything with her is about

Everything with her is about having people do for her. I used to think she was just too lazy or that BM never taught her how to do for herself. Now, I think it is a form of control. What people will do for her makes her somehow translates to how much they care.

My kids had savings accounts when they were babies. When they got their first jobs they got checking accounts. Once I saw they could manage the account they got debit cards. I'm sure I have cashed a check for them at some point but I'm pretty sure it was before high school.

I hope so. I wasn't sure DH

I hope so. I wasn't sure DH would follow through but he ultimately did. He told me after SD left that he honestly didn't want SD to move in with us. He felt like he had to either let her or give up any chance of having a relationship with her later on. It's so sad. "Give me what I want or I won't love you." I can't imagine being afraid my kids won't love me if I set boundaries. Of course I also couldn't imagine not having my kids living with me until they started college.

Of course I also couldn't

Of course I also couldn't imagine not having my kids living with me until they started college.

Yeah, that's a little backwards, isn't it?

Thank God, neither of my SDs have ever lived with us. Apparently, it can be hell getting them out.

I assumed (stupid me) that

I assumed (stupid me) that all people got a bank account as a kid? We do that here and primary schools have "banking day" where th kids take their allowance in and bank it in little envelopes. And they learn about savings and budgeting AS KIDS.
I had a 50c allowance as a kid. I would keep 20 and every week in a little envelope take 30c to school on banking day to out in the banking box. Of course you could belong to any bank your parents belonged too.
Banks have partnerships with the education ministry and schools to help teach financial Literacy and the benefit for them is all these banking kids!!

That was so far down on our

That was so far down on our list of priorities. We have been much more concerned with making sure she graduates from high school.

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