I’m not a blogger, nor do I find the need to share with the world my min to min activities. But recently, after being diagnosed with breast cancer, I have been reflective.
Funny, when you start to look back on decisions you’re made. Oh how I so wish there was a do over button. I’ve been a Step now for 18 years. I adore my husband, he is one of the most caring, and hard working man I know. But he has divorce guilt. That taints his parenting.
So if asked, If you had the opportunity to make a different decision on signing up as a Step. I would say, No F%$#n Way. Wouldn’t do it! As much as I love him, the drama princesses take over.
So here are some highlights. The girls were 4 and 2 when we started dating. ExWife – is an educated, functional drunk. My daughter was 5, my Ex is just plan angry with life, everything.
We dated for 5 years before we were married. This was my doing, didn’t want to make two mistakes. Thought we resolved the Ex and parenting issues. We setup pretty simple straight forward rules. Your Ex is Your Ex, you deal with It! We established house rules. Standard fair, clean your room, eat at the table, no back talk, show respect.
Most of the time it worked, his kids lived five mins away, where my ex lived 2 hours. (again, my doing, he would show-up at my home at all hours, so moving stop those lively visits). My husband has always been very involved with his kids, he coached, t-ball, when to every game, etc.
So what’s the problem? Well we did have some gaps, I was and am an Army brat. Rules are the Rules, and I stick to them. My husband, this is where the divorce guilt comes in and his Ex. So, if his girls broke the rules, and they complained to mom (Ex). She would make his life hell for days/weeks, until the girls were off restriction. So as time moves forward, when rules were broken, no consequences where handed out because he simply didn’t want to hear it from his Ex.
I get it, I do. But that’s what the off switch on a phone is used for. I call it the Ex Button. So his girls have learned all these years how to manipulate their dad. They are now 22 and 20. All of the girls still live at home.
The 22 year old has graduated from college. She is a lovely, well spoken young women. However she has totaled three cars (all her fault), has had her driver license suspended 4 times. Raked up nearly 8K in tickets, which my husband bails her out. She has no since to pull her hand from the fire, she totally confused and wonders why she got burned.
The 20 year old, aka the princess. She screams and yells at her Mom. (She doesn’t try this with me, I would take her OUT). Treats her mom like she is worthless. (no comment) Shows no respect to anyone. She has stated, that my husband and I make enough money, that she doesn’t have to work. That we should support her and buy her stuff that she wants. (I checked, my paycheck doesn’t have her name on it, really). She has totaled three cars, blow one up (engine). Has had her driver license suspended 2 times, spent a year and half in college to only come away with 8 credits (like two classes). She won’t drive a regular car, has to have a Mercedes, BMW etc.

I know what you’re thinking, “are you kidding” nope! And my husband the love of my live the man I respect. Cows to this behavior, you bet! Because as soon as he takes a stand and says no. She won’t talk to him, won’t speak to him. Tells him she hates him. This breaks his heart, so he gives in. Divorce guilt! Also My husband and his Ex pays for Clothes, Cell, Car insurance (not cheap with these two) and they are given about $400 month spending money each.
And this is where I want to get off this F$#@n bus. Mind you my daughter hasn’t been a picnic. She is 24 now, she still trying to find herself, didn’t want to do college, so she went the trade school. Graduated. Didn’t like the career, and is still looking. In comparison, never had a car accident saved for and paid for her own cars. Which don’t last too long since she can only afford 2-3K. This last year, she bought and financed her own car by herself, no cosigner. (so proud). She still lives at home, she pays her own bills (Car, Insurance, Cell, School). She is bitter, that the other girls have been given so much and she has had to work for it. I tell her that was my decision. That my job has always been to prepare her for life, that having things given to you without working for them is worthless. Not that I haven’t help when she is short, but she has to pay me back. She and I have talked, and at this age she gets it, still thinks it’s sucks, but she gets it. She can budget, balance her check book, can change the oil in her car or a tire. She can read a map (a paper one). She sees the other girls as empty, sucking up air and providing no value. We laugh sometimes; they should have their own reality TV. It would be like Kardashians, Mean Girls and big rich Texas all rolled into one.
So, no matter where my treatment takes me, I know she will make it.
:jawdrop: :jawdrop: