Am I overreacting
Am I overreacting?
A little back ground. Back in July of last year, DH and SD19 had a big fight. DH ask me to go into her room and ask her to leave. I did, she got in my face, (and I mean in my face about 1” and screaming) three times I asked her to step back three time I stepped back, she didn’t, so I slapped her in the face. Now I’m not proud of my reaction, but to be honest, it did feel great. The look on her face will stay with me for years. That I would not tolerate this type of disrespect and bad behavior, if she wanted to act like a toddler than she was going to be treated as one.
Time moves on, my DH and SD19 has had several conversations over the months but very little resolution. As for me no conversation. She moved back in with her mother (thank god), DH is not happy, her mom is a bit on the crazy side.
DH and SD19 are mending their relationship. SD19 wants to move back in with us. I explained to DH that the past months of been wonderful, no drama, no crap all over the house, no 5/6 people in my house when I get home from work, no dogs going crazy at 2, 3, 4 am when she feel like coming home. I’m done, I’m not going to live with that any longer, SD19 is at her mom’s let her stay there.
So recently, I get a text message from SD19 apologizing for her behavior and want to work things out with me. Ok, I think to myself, why the big change. I don’t like texting, so I sent a short note Thanks, we should sit down and talk soon.
Now, when I got home and spoke with DH he acted generally surprised that SD texted me. “See she is coming around”, “see she is growing up”, etc. I eventually find out that the text message had been planned between the two of them. They don’t know I know.
I’m hurt and angry. Feel like I’m being played. At this point I’m at a loss, do I comfort them. Am I overreacting? :?
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Comments
I live with this kind of
I live with this kind of bulls**t all of the time.
This is how I handled it.
Sit your H down and tell him you know they were trying to manipulate you.
Your answer hasn't changed. Either he lives with you or he lives with his daughter.
Those are his choices.
It's up to you to stick to it.
Agree with Shaman. This is
Agree with Shaman. This is what I would have posted.
This ^^^^^
This ^^^^^
I don't think you are and I
I don't think you are and I think a text apology is crap. Apologies should be made in person, or at least in a phone conversation. A text apology is completely insincere and meaningless. And no way should you allow a 19 year old to move in. I did and it was a HUGE MISTAKE, and my SS isn't even a jerk, just a sloth. He's 23 now and I feel like he will never leave. If grown girlfriend doesn't want to live with her mom anymore, she needs to grow up and get her own place. It seems ridiculous to me that an adult would go from one parent's house to the other.
I don't think you are
I don't think you are over-reacting to being manipulated and lied to.
Apology by text: No Apology
Apology by text: No
Apology because they want something: No
Apology planned & manipulated by 2 people that want something (1 of which you trust): No
19 year old moving back in after moving out because she's a bitch: NO!
See the trend?
And no, you are not overreacting.
100% this.
100% this.
No, she does not need to move
No, she does not need to move back in. Things had disintegrated so much between all of you-that your husband put you up to asking her to move out and you resorted to physical violence (not saying I blame you), but that's just not a healthy situation for any of you-including your sd. Because she's said she's sorry over text about a year later does not mean anything has changed.
Apparently your dh still cannot directly and honestly communicate with anyone. He couldn't tell his daughter he wanted her to move out-and now he's plotting with her ways to get you to feel differently about her or the situation rather than just directly speaking to you.
Why does she want to move
Why does she want to move back in? So what if BM is crazy, i'm sure she has probably always been crazy, that is not a reason to move out...ask yourself what does she have to gain by moving back in with you and your DH. There is something in it for her. kids don't do anything without them gaining something. I agree with some of the other posters, she is needs to be moving into her own place, going to work, going to school, making her OWN life. When you figure out what it is she is after then tell her no!!
I have this question too, she
I have this question too, she is 19 - and she is living with her mother - what exactly is the problem and why it is your problem?
She is an adult, living with her mother makes that her roommate no? Is her mother kicking her out, if so why? And again, if the mother is kicking her out, WHY would you want her?
Does her mother not let her do whatever the hell she wants so she wants to come back??
She is not homeless, she is an adult, game over - see you at Thanksgiving and otherwise bu-bye.
No, you're not overreacting.
No, you're not overreacting. You are being played. I would absolutely confront my DH, because I need him to know I am no longer a participant in their foolish nonsense..