I'm so sick of dealing with my ss...
I found out about him while engaged to my dh...yes, I could have ended it then, but didn't. Now it's 12 years later. We have two kids together and since the age of 5 my now 14 year old ss has been living with us FT while his mother shacks up with various other men, still seeming like the everloving mother to my ss. She has defied the court order, owes us 15, 000, didn't change my ss's surname, etc. etc. I'm sure all of this and the fact that I'm a teacher and I have summers and vacations off and end up dealing with this kid WAY more than his two bioparents. Even though his bio mom doesn't even work. I'm so tired of this. I can't begin to express how judged I have felt over the last 12 years. No one (but you) has any clue how miserable this can be. I swear he lives to make this household miserable, then he looks like an angel whenever anyone outside of the family is around. That is the part that really stinks, because I wonder if people think it's me. They do not see how he is at home, and I've stopped trying to explain it to people because I end up looking like the biggest jerk. This stinks! I've so had it. I wish he could go live with bm sometimes....but I know her lifestyle and how bad that would be...Plus, I think you'd have to lock me up before I'd pay her any CS...We paid her faithfully the first 5, then didn't get a cent from ages 5-10, at age ten took her to court, now she owes the 15,000. Do any of you ever feel so badly that you want out, but at the same time, you know you won't leave or force stepchild out???? What causes all this bad emotion I have? Any advice? I'm so depressed. Thanks for listening.
- warriorprincess's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I don't understand why you
I don't understand why you didn't know about ss until you were engaged? That should have been the first thing dh told you about. Good for you for staying and trying. You probably feel unappreciated and walked all over. What is it with the DH's that get custody then decide the stepmothers are supposed to raise thier children? I think stepmom's get such a bad wrap because dh and ex wives aren't doing their jobs. Hang in there. If you love this man, it will all work out. I am going through the same exact thing except dhs ex wife owes 12,000, lol. People do think its you, and it's just because you are the stepmom. My own mother used to think it was me until she saw it first hand. Its a pain right now, but you should take pride in knowing you are helping this child. Being a stepmom is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life!!! Have you tried family therapy? I hated the thought of it, but I've been and it does work some issues out.
Wow....so similar
Thank you so much for responding....I was starting to feel like I wasn't going to get support even on this board...(I'm way to sensitive right now!)...For the record, we were dating, then got engaged rather quickly, then after a few months he found out about his son. She slept around a lot. There's a different guy's name on my ss's birth certificate. Yes, we did get a DNA test
...Gosh I know exactly what you mean about even people in our own families thinking it's just US. That especially kills me and makes me question myself. We once recorded her flipping out on the phone saying how much she "bleeping" hates me, etc..and when I played it for my dad he was shocked and said how nice she seemed on the phone. I was so hurt, I have always told him what she's like and even my own father thought it was me. This is not the fairytale I thought it would be..you'd think after 13 years married I'd of gotten over the thought of ever having a normal family life, but it still pains me. Thank you for your encouraging words. Although this situation has brought the ugliest beast out in me, I know that I'm a decent person deep down and that I do want to help this child to become an honorable young man.
Love being villanized
If it's not working, it's your fault. You are the evil step mom. Doesn't matter if BM is whacked or DH has no parenting skills. It's your fault honey!
How do I deal with it? I tell everyone how great it is because that is all they want to hear. I am nice when we are out together and completely ignore them at home. They are DH's problem and extremely nasty. This step mom is completely disengaged.
"Evil Stepmothers aren't born, it comes with the territory"
deleted To be fair though, a
deleted
To be fair though, a lot of behaviors absolutely should be ignored when someone is trying to annoy you just to get attention.
I can totally relate
jewel
I can totally relate to wanting the kid out, but at the same time not wanting to abandon him. My SS is almost 18 and we have no biological mother in the picture because she died. Try living up to a ghost. After three years together, I am only now starting not to feel like the "replacement" like everyone expects me to be her. I am just so tired of feeling like I am not good enough. I don't have any biological children of my own but that doesn't mean that I didn't want to try to have a family life with SS. That is just not possible now. He has caused too many problems, told too many lies and caused so many fights between my husband and me that all I really feel now is anger towards him. I don't want to, but I do. No matter how mad his father gets at him, after a few hours it's like nothing's happened and he starts to baby him again. In fairness, my husband is getting better about it but I am so tired of dealing with an almost 18 year old acting like a 12 year old ALL THE TIME!!! I don't want to throw SS to the wolves, but he's got to grow up and nothing seems to get through to him! I think it's normal for us to get frustrated in these situations.
So SS is a charmer.....
Play his game in return....be nice and sweet as pie in public and...well...ignore him whenever possible. Can't he go to camp in the summer? Boarding school during the year?
That super sucks.
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on." ~Robert Frost