I think it it time to move on
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I don't think I can handle this much longer. The hate feelings I have, the dread when the step-kids come. The constant stress from their bio mom, my own stress.
I don't feel good about myself. My marriage is the shits and my husband blames me. We have no time for each other, no time for intimacy and I don't even want to amnymore. He never initiates, there is no more bond together. It is sad but true. And I am at the point where we have grown so far apart I don't even care.
Tonight I got so mad I threw a bowl and it hit the oven faceplate and smashed the glass. The faceplate wherer you turn on the burners. They all work but I feel like a piece of shit. I hate this fuckin situation.
I sure hope you get help for
I sure hope you get help for your anger issues.
Maybe it would be best for everyone, yourself included, if you left the marriage.
probably.
probably.
Jellybean, I could have typed
Jellybean, I could have typed your post myself minus the faceplate issue, although, at times, I have felt like really tearing some shit up...lol. Terrible situation to be in. Wanting so bad to stay but really NEEDING to go, for your own sake, for your own happiness, for your own well being. To just finally be free of the hate and dred. Even if it means being alone, even if it means missing DH (the part of him left I still manage to love).
Yeah, it has been a long time
Yeah, it has been a long time where I have felt that I would feel relief to be out of this. I have probably said 20 times I no longer wanted to do this, but it was at times of stress and conflict that made me want to flight and fight. I did not start out with hatred but the resentment has build over time as more and more has been placed on my shoulders and I have been bumped lower and lower on the totem pole in this home. \
Task after task after task, i feel like a slave. I work 2 jobs as my husband lost his job this past november, I have not slept properly in about 3 years because I was in 2 car accidents and also had a baby which has affected my sleep. Then when I work a double shift, i am up half the night with the baby, then I have to go to work.
I suffer a long history of depression. Stress, lack of sleep does not help me manage my emotions. The stress makes it work.
I am not happy in this situation and I am starting to become very over reactive. This has been years of watching my husband fight with his x while I sat on the sidelines. I don't know how to support him anymore, when I come last. I don't feel sttracted to someone that never pays much attention to me AND never initiates sex but tells me he is always ready, just waiting on me. Too much stress, not enough nuturing to the marriage that is growing apart.
I am tired. I don't like what I have or am turning into. Yes I am scared but I am also very tired.
Drained the fuck out......so
Drained the fuck out......so fuckin drained.
Jellybean, when I got to
Jellybean, when I got to where you are, I banned his kids from my home and told him to go with them. Now his kids were adults. Well age wise anyway.
If they are adults, well claim your home back. If they are young tell him to see them elsewhere. If that is too hard for him with any luck he will pack up and leave saving you the trouble.. Or he may decide to support you. But you at this point have absolutely nothing to lose by standing up for yourself.
If however you are suffering depression please see your doctor before you do anything else.
I am very sorry for the situation you are in.. I know what it's like.
You need to put yourself first. You have a baby. This baby needs you to be happy and well. A husband that puts his first kids ahead if you and his child with you, clearly is nit making you happy. Look after yourself.
Jellybean, I feel the same
Jellybean, I feel the same way a lot of the time. Only difference is DH and I have a GREAT relationship when SD isn't around so I guess that is what I am holding on to. We have SD every other week (50/50), so half the time it's great and half the time it's shitty.
No one wants to be put last.. it's not a good feeling.. especially if you believe, as I do, that the marriage comes first. It really sucks when you find out your DH does not share that view.
Jellybean I have been where
Jellybean I have been where you are and right now am at that point now. Well maybe not as bad but close. Leave, even if its just for a bit, it is always easy for people to just tell you to leave when its not their situation but you have got to do something, even if its just for a weekend. You have to decompress, people snap for a reason and you dont want to keep getting pushed until you explode.
I totally understand where
I totally understand where your coming from...we only fight on the weekends we have SD and then if something comes up with MIL or the Ex. It gets old- especually when you try and try again to make things work, accomadate....I myself need to talk to therapist. I found this group to be very helpful. But maybe talking to someone will help sort everything out- baby steps. :)