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WHY

Rosedeer1's picture

Submitted by Rosedeer1 on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 6:38pm

Why do I let the little things get to me?? Why cant I just be happy having an amazing DH and a new house and a foster daughter and stepson I love, eventhough some times the two of them together makes me crazy, why cant I just ignore BM and live my life the one I want. I do I concentrate so much on BM being unhappy, when she is not happy I am soooo happy but when she seems happy I get aggravated, I just want to forget she even exist and let my DH deal with her. We have custody court on the 16th of this month I pray we win, she does not deserve him, she has let him get bite alive by fleas, sent him home on christmas with pink eye so bad we took him to the hospital that day, what is her problem???

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SM#1's picture

Submitted by SM#1 (not verified) on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 7:06pm

think about Bm and all the trouble she caused our family on a daily basis too. It consumed my life. But now I don't bother with her at all, and whenever SD9 talks about her I just say "thats nice, I am happy for you, hope everything goes well (even though I dont).
I had to tell myself everyday--I am living my life, I am not going to let BM ruin my life. After a while you don't have to tell yourself that anymore, you just live your life for you. You have so much to do and be happy about. Dont let BM ruin you living in the moment with your children. I know it is hard, and seems like the world revolves around this pain while you are going through court. But like the saying goes "this to shall pass"

Conflicted's picture

Submitted by Conflicted on Mon, 12/29/2008 - 12:51am

I feel crazy obsessed with BM and I LOVE knowing when she is living in her loserly unhappy life.... BUT... when I catch wind that her life may be looking slightly up.... it drives me crazy! I can't figure it out either; I mean really why should I even be thinking about whether or not BM is happy? Why should I care about what she is doing on her own time? Why do I feel the need to tirelessly prove that she is compulsive liar? Why am I not simply focusing on and living my own life?

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Mon, 12/29/2008 - 7:47am

I don't obsess about him. I have more important things to do than worry whether or not he is happy, sad, or even breathing. I don't care. If a fortuitous meteor were to wipe the entire family off of the planet it would not impact me whatsoever other than the distress it would cause my SS. Only because they are at some level important to him do I consider them at all.

As my SS has gotten older and come to the realization that his BioDad and the entire family are nothing more than low class toothless idiots (figuratively speaking)they have had less and less to do with him. Since they can no longer play the manipulation card as well due to his (SS's) intellectual and character growth they are fading in to the woodwork more and more.

A few years ago it began to be apparent that SS was far more capable than THEY are as far as intellectual development and analytical thought. It was then that we went through a period of escalation on manipulation from them. When they began to realize that his life was so much different from theirs and that his interests are so much broader than theirs they eventually started withdrawing from including him as a member of the family. They still take him for visitations, though not as regularly as they used to, but they do not try to manipulate him nearly as much or as often. They (primarily SpermGrandMa) still relish pissing my wife off but they pretty much do not screw with my Skid as much.

I guess in our case we hold most of the cards and make it a point not to play the typical manipulative blended family games. Though over the years we have spent a significant amount of effort in countering their manipulative BS.

Best regards,