Don't Know How Much Longer I Can Hold Out
I don't know how much longer I can make it dealing with my 15 year old stepson. He simply chooses not to listen to his mother or I and questions everything. Anytime he doesn't like something I say or we get into an argument, he gets to my wife as soon as he can and of course tailors a story to make it sound like I was a tyrant. My wife seems to take more of his side probably because she is his biological parent and feels a need to protect him. He doesn't want to follow the simple rules of the house and constantly argues. I try my best to keep my cool, but he knows just the buttons to hit that sets me off. I don't want to say I hate my stepson, but it sure feels like it. Up to this point I've always called him my son to others. Lately, I want to refer to him as my stepson because I feel there is no true father-son relationship. His actions are causing a strain on my marriage. I don't know what other actions to take. I've used multiple approaches to get to him and nothing seems to work. There is so much tension in the house between him and I its obvious. This child is my biggest stressor and I know it's taking a toll on my health. I no longer have the energy to put forth any more effort to build a solid family relationship with him. I'm just exhausted with trying...constantly.
It would be better if your
It would be better if your wife realised she is causing a divide in the family by her actions, and not doing her son any favours. You both need to be on the same page and show a united front. He may be a problem, but she is a bigger one. Talk to her, decide on boundaries for him etc., and if the two of you work together there is a good chance things will get better. If your wife doesn't get on board, this will only get worse. I agree with the others in ignoring him at the moment, but only till you and your wife can sort out what's going own with you two. If you guys can work out a parenting plan together, great. If she refuses, your sunk. But again I agree, focus on your wife, however I mean in the sense that you focus on getting her to work with you on this, not against you.
^^^Great advice...I 2nd
^^^Great advice...I 2nd this!^^^
Disengage asap.
Disengage asap.
I am living everything you
I am living everything you are saying for the past 4yrs. I've left replies to other posts, but this one truly hits the nail on the head. I no longer refer to the 17yr old SS as my son either. I have disengaged to an extent, but it's not easy to do it fully. He knows what buttons to push and always manages to look like a saint. There is a giant wedge in my marriage and so much tension it could not be cut with a plasma torch. It is all due to not being able to admit how much of the wedge is squarely on DW and SS, not just me. I have been constantly angry and regrettably blow up every couple of months. It also doesn't help when his "Disneyland dad" (Biodad) acts like his buddy instead of a FATHER for the 50/50 visitation. No disciplinary actions to failing grades, laziness, long hours on computer for youtube/iTunes/porn at that house. I find myself always compensating for the lack of a real father, but get shot down when it comes to discipline. I've been stating it in other posts. All of the responsibilities with no authority and certainly no rewards or recognition for the many positive efforts. Wife and I get along great when he is not around. I just want to and need to focus on my wife and 12yo SD. I am hoping he will leave when he goes to college, but don't know if he will even graduate high school.