Do I have a double standard? SD vs SM?
I'm a stepmom. I think I'm supposed to help out dh with his parenting.
I think men are providers. So when a man marries a woman with kids who live with her he takes on providing for them. I think when a woman marries a man with kids she can buy small items for the stepkids but in no way is she financially responsible for them.
Kids.
DH and I had several massive fights and he even threatened to leave because I wouldn't take his kids. He isn't working and I'm. Paying all the bills including his CS. He kept trying to sneak and move his kids in and then would tell their moms that they didnht have to send any money for them. To add insult to injury he was hardly ever home but was mostly coming and going as he pleased and dropping his kids on me!
I feel that he should either be a provider or at least the main caretaker and should have been ashamed to have his kids living with him while he isn't working. He used to yell and scream at me about what a terrible wife I am etc. Then his sister in law starts probing and asking why they don't live with us. And he didn't shut her down as secretly he feels I should provide for everyone!
He finally dropped it and said sorry but damn. What kind of man does this?
He sounds like a loser. So he
He sounds like a loser. So he wants you to be the provider AND the caretaker. No ma'am.
He was so fucking immature
He was so fucking immature aind entitled. I couldn't believe it. He kept saying. If you were a real wife you would take my kids in. Why cannot you watch them you are already home.
And where did his no-job
And where did his no-job having self have to go that he couldn't spend time and watch HIS kids. I would tell him to call their BM and yell at her to be a REAL mother. :jawdrop:
I think you married my XH. he
I think you married my XH.
he hardly worked a day in our 10 year marriage, yet I worked full time, ran the kids around, birthed the kids might I add, made the meals, kept the house...
oh, and then I divorced him, his entitlement, his laziness and his loserness...
but - my XH doesn't pay any CS - big surprise...
I am sorry but he sounds like
I am sorry but he sounds like a jerk. He doesn't have a JOB??? Yet wants you to take on the responsibility of providing for HIS kids!!!! Even going so far as to tell the kids BM she doesn't have to send any money if they live with you :jawdrop: :jawdrop: :jawdrop:
Oh they are gone. I shut that
Oh they are gone. I shut that down. It has been shut down for awhile. He realized he was wrong.
I mean he didn't even have the gas money to take them to school! Then while thye were with us I was still having to pay CS for the other child so I was totally screwed.
The issue came up because his sister in law got in it by saying we should get his kids. I was livid and cut her off. He wasn't so offended because he agreed with her at one point.
I had to pay his CS as we have kids and I needed his help. I didn't sign up for the babysitting. I asked if he could just do weekends and the times he was home and he said no. Well I fixed that!
I don't understand why you
I don't understand why you are paying child support? In fact I don't understand why you are allowing this conniving person to continue to live with you?
Please don't tell me you love him.
he feels I should provide for
he feels I should provide for everyone
I would be providing him with a one way ticket to the curb.
He has stopped. He grew up
He has stopped. He grew up and apologized. I can tell he is remorseful. He realized he was wrong then his sister in law tried to revisit the issue.
He and I already worked it out and are doing well. I was paying CS to keep him out of jail. I needed help with our kids. Believve me, I didn't allow this quietly. I made him and his ex be parents. I insisted she send something while they were in my home.
I never let them off the hook. I was so confused as to why any man could think that a woman should provide for him AND HIS KIDS
He doesn't feel he has to be
He doesn't feel he has to be responsible for their care or providing for them!
If he were home and willing to step up around the house I wouldn't have such an issue but he cannot be neither a provider nor caretaker.
He doesn't have a reduced income he has NONE. He wants to take some of his kids and not others so I still have to pay the CS FOR THE ONES HE DON'T HAVE.
Their moms work. A normal paying job with normal hours. He can do weekends and after her gets a job maybe get them.
Also our vows were to each other not the kids. I'm doing for HIM in his poorere. He should have been ashamed to ask me to do it all!
How many kids and baby mommas
How many kids and baby mommas does this "man" have?
When we met he said two with
When we met he said two with two moms. I later found out about a third that he knew about but didn't tell me about. So no I can't just suck it up and babysit and provide. Let each child just be with his or her mom while he finds a job!
Three kids with three
Three kids with three different women, expects you to take care of his kids and him, doesn't work. Yeah - a real winner you've got there!
You may have put a stop to him expecting you to take care of his kids, but your DH's attitude is still the same. You may be able to stop him for now, but you realize if this is the way he thinks there's going to be problems in the future.
I made sure I posted in the
I made sure I posted in the past tense. This situation is over. Well was over until his sister in law tried to bring it up again. She kept asking why why don't fight for custody.
I never allowed the. Bullshit. I made him and his exeps take full responsibliltiy. He had to be home in order for them to visit. And I only provided food. The meal prep nd cleaning up after them fell on him.
He. Admitted he was wrong. He got a per diem job and most of that goes to paying his CS. I'm working with him on ft work.
Oh, now you say he's working.
Oh, now you say he's working. But in your original post you said
"He isn't working and I'm. Paying all the bills including his CS."
The way you worded it made it seem like he wasn't working currently and that you were venting about him wanting you to take care of his kids, not issues with the sister in law.
If he really believes he was wrong in his thinking he wouldn't entertain his SIL thoughts on the matter. DH needs to tell SIL it's none of her business. You say it's fixed but it really isn't.
Is English your first
Is English your first language? I'm not trying to be rude, just asking an honest question because your posts are confusing - in your post above you say "He doesn't have a reduced income he has NONE. He wants to take some of his kids and not others so I still have to pay the CS FOR THE ONES HE DON'T HAVE."
"has" as in present tense, CURRENTLY, TODAY, right now he HAS NO job.
I really had put the issue
I really had put the issue aside and so had he. Then she started on it and it wasn't her business. I was trying to make sure that what I had done in terms of insisting he be both a caretaker and provider wasn't crazy or evil.
So what does he say about it
So what does he say about it NOW? Your original post says
"And he didn't shut her down as secretly he feels I should provide for everyone!" and that he FINALLY dropped it. So after the two of you argued about it, he FINALLY let it go?
IF the situation is "fixed", it won't have taken DH any time to "drop it" and
there wouldn't be any discussion with the SIL about it, DH would have shut her up as soon as she mentioned it.
Right now, I cut her off as
Right now, I cut her off as it wasn't any of her business. He feels I was being too hard on her.
I posted about it on another board. I was trying to make sure I. Wasn't crazy in all this!
He feels that I should have been flattered by her comments as I do such an amazing job caring for my family that she thought I could do a better job caring for his kids than there moms. Bullshit. She was trying to make me look bad.
Most of the replies from the posters here think he was crazy!
No, you're not crazy, he is.
No, you're not crazy, he is.
I cut her off. She may still
I cut her off. She may still mention it to him. It was a fucking mess. She came to me and asked about it. Then she went to him and made a comment.
He keeps saying she never knew it was an issue in our marriage. Even if she didn't know it was an issue it still wasn't her business! Who doesn't want his kids living with him. So in our case it was obvious money was the limiting factor although his attitude and laziness factored in big time.
RUN!
RUN!