Need a mans point of view
Forums:
Just wanted to ask all you guys a question. Will a man always love the woman he has kids with more then the woman he is with now? We both have kids but none together. Sometimes feel as he's a yes man an will bend over backwards to do anything bio mum tells him to do an doesn't seen to really care about what I think.
Will he always love her more? Even though my kids have been brought up by myself an him? He has been In my kids life longer as bio mum kept him from his. Just get a bit scared that he will never really love me like her, I can understand he will always love his kids more but what about the bio mum?
Any thoughts from a male point of view
Thank you everyone, most of
Thank you everyone, most of your answers are things that my hubby has told me himself before but I just needed to hear what others thought. I know hubby loves me he tells me every day more than once. He also says he can't wait for his kids to turn 18 so he doesn't need to speak to this bitch bio mum ever again. He always says he wished he waited an had them with me. I guess it's more my insecurities an the fact that it makes me angry that this woman has such a hold on my husband. That my hubby has to kiss her arse to see his kids, I don't know how being a bio mum myself could keep their kids from their father like this woman has for as long as I can remember an me an hubby have been together over 11 years. It's just sad that a woman could treat her own kids so badly just to get back at her ex. When ever my kids dad has wanted to see them I have never stopped him for my kids sake. Thank you again you have made me feel a bit better
Thank you everyone, most of
Thank you everyone, most of your answers are things that my hubby has told me himself before but I just needed to hear what others thought. I know hubby loves me he tells me every day more than once. He also says he can't wait for his kids to turn 18 so he doesn't need to speak to this bitch bio mum ever again. He always says he wished he waited an had them with me. I guess it's more my insecurities an the fact that it makes me angry that this woman has such a hold on my husband. That my hubby has to kiss her arse to see his kids, I don't know how being a bio mum myself could keep their kids from their father like this woman has for as long as I can remember an me an hubby have been together over 11 years. It's just sad that a woman could treat her own kids so badly just to get back at her ex. When ever my kids dad has wanted to see them I have never stopped him for my kids sake. Thank you again you have made me feel a bit better
My answer, as a man, is ....
My answer, as a man, is .... NO! I don' have any BKs but I do have an XW. She is a non priority in my life and even if we had spawned together she would be a non priority in my life. I also have an amazing bride of 20 years who is my life partner in all things including parenting my Skid. I am her life partner in all things too. It works both ways.
The thing about an XW/BM is that she has only a man's past. She may have spawned children with him but as the XW she no longer has his present or his future. As the 2nd or subsequent wife you have his present and his future. Particularly if you can partner together as equity life partners, put your marriage and each other as the sole marrital top priority and address this and everything else as equity partners.
The marriage must come before Xs, extended family, and even children regardless of the biology of those children. As equity life partners you are also equity parents to any children in your marrital home. PERIOD!!!!
If you can team effectively then the XW/BM is pretty much a non issue even when she tries toxic and manipulative bullshit. Together an effective life partnership can minimize the influence of even a toxic XW/BM or XH/Baby Daddy.
If the ex has borne me kids
If the ex has borne me kids then there will always be a spot in me recognizing that she risked her lift to have children with me. Yes she wanted kids too but nun-the-less the spot is still there. Love her? No. But I would probably lean over enough to help her in times of real need if she got herself in a bad spot through no fault of her own.
I don't think you can answer that question here properly as there would be too many permutations of the relationships. Frankly I would be surprised if there were not some men who did still love their ex's especially among those that caused the divorce themselves. Perhaps through cheating - they fully know they deserve what they got, know they can't go back, but aren't out of love completely.
NO. Your partner should not
NO. Your partner should not have any feelings of love towards his ex whatsoever. The fact that he has children with her is completely irrelevant and is no excuse. If he does still have any feelings for an ex then he has no business getting involved with someone else and you should never be made to feel like you are a 'second choice'. If my partner had any such feelings for her ex I would end the relationship immediately and without hesitation and find someone without so much baggage who was actually going to appreciate me.
It sounds to me like your partner needs to start putting you first for a change. Good luck.
Thank you paul77, hubby tells
Thank you paul77, hubby tells me all the time he loves me an it's actually me that has to be the one to orginise most of the steps visits with bio mum as bio an hubby can't have a conversation without her screaming at him. It's just my I sercurities an feeling like I haven't given him kids an maybe he feels more for her because of it. I have 3 great kids who my hubby has raised since toddlers an hubby always tells me as far as he is concerned they are our kids as my kids father don't have much time for them an hubbys kids were always kept from him by bio mum so hubby is closer to my 3 as he has been in their lives constantly the whole time. It's sad cause I wish they were ours all the time. Due to my bad pregnancies an bio mum making hubby have a vascectomy we can't have any together but we have 6 between us an his 3 when we do see them make our lives hell by the way they treat me an my kids an also hubby. They are all teens now an I understand it's because of the bullshit bio has told them their whole lives an that they are jealous we are closer to hubby then they are but its not my fault an never has been, bio has a lot to answer for but the funny thing is these steps seem to believe an side with what ever bio mum throws at them!!! But thank you Paul an every one for your feed back, just feeling jealous as us girls do sometimes
I go through something
I go through something similar with my wife. Let me ask you, you said he "bends over backwards" for BM. Is that for HER or for his kids?? I agree that there is a healthy fear of repercussions from BM. Unfortunately, the laws don't favor father's rights in many states. I honestly feel you need to relax. He is with YOU. He obviously is not with her anymore, and that is for a reason. Don't be jealous or fearful. You trusted him and love him enough to marry him, than love and trust him.
I have been with my current
I have been with my current wife for several years and used to get the same questions... She would say that I made my ex-wife a priority over her at times and would hint that I loved my ex-wife more because I had children with her.
I can tell you with absolute 100% certainty that is not the case. Some of the other posters have already touched on the reasons. I have gone out of my way to help my ex-wife in the past but it had nothing to do with whether, or not, I was in love with her. It was always about the children and fear of repercussion from my ex-wife. I have no ill will towards my ex-wife at all but I learned years ago it is just easier to do what she asks to avoid the confrontation. This would at times upset my current wife and make her feel insecure. I do believe my ex-wife is a good person and would never do anything to come between me and my children. However, as I experienced when I was married to her, she would lose her composure during an argument and bring the kids into the disagreement. Not being in the house with my kids I simply was not willing to take the chance that, during an argument, my ex-wife was going to tell my kids how their Dad was a terrible person or how they had to miss out on something due to me not doing something she asked.