My husband and I have been together for 10 years now. My oldest three children are from a previous marriage. For the past year or so, life has been miserable with my husband and my 13 year old son. It seems like my husband expects him to be perfect and emotionless. He never greets him with small talk like "good morning" or "how was your day". It's "GET UP" or "get your crap out of the living room". My son has become increasingly hostile toward my husband, switching back and forth between acting like a victim and talking back and being disrespectful. He seems so lost and alone sometimes it scares me. My husband seems to look for things to harp on my son about, and my son resents it. I'm torn, because I don't believe there is any excuse for a child to be disrespectful to a parent, but on the other hand, there's not really a reason for my husband to be so disrespectful to my son. I understand yelling at kids. It happens. I do it. What I don't understand is going out of your way to make a kid feel bad. I want so badly to present a unified front with my husband, but I find it difficult because I don't believe he's right. They have moments when they talk, my husband tells my son he loves him, but those are getting fewer and farther between. I agree with the sentiment of what my husband says, but not in the way he says it. Yes, my son needs to keep his room presentable. If he doesn't, there should be consequences. End of story. Instead, it turns into a 15 minute rant about how "G** D*** irresponsible and selfish" my son is. It doesn't end there. It will be referenced for the rest of the night, and for the next day or so until my husband can find something else to yell at him about. My son feels like my husband hates him, and I completely understand that. My husband swears that he doesn't, yet won't change his behavior. We've talked about it at length. My husband feels that either I'm insane and he's NOT mean to my son, or that he's completely justified to treat my son the way he does because of his back-talk. I find it hard to be as hard on my son as I should be in some circumstances, and my son absolutely manipulates that to his advantage. I'm torn, and I hate it. I do feel that my husband has valid points but CANNOT support the way he expresses them. I hold him responsible, because HE is the adult. There should never be a 30 minute argument with a 13 year old, but they both have to have the last word. Basically, it's like having 2 teenagers that hate each other in the house, and it's tearing the rest of us apart. My husband is also disrespectful to me in front of the kids, criticizing my parenting skills (apparently I let them walk all over me, which is a joke as anyone who knows me could tell you) or telling me to shut up or go to hell. I feel like my marriage is crumbling, and I know if I have to choose it won't be him. He knows that too, which may be part of the problem. I'm not innocent in all of this. I have so much hatred and resentment toward him when these situations arise that I'm sure he knows it. I openly defend my son, and I KNOW that that is detrimental to the whole situation. It's just a mess, and I don't know how to fix it. I feel like I've really just scratched the tip of the iceberg here. There are just too many undercurrents and feelings to put here. I fear for my son's well-being. I fear for my marriage. I fear for my other childrens' well-being. I know we all need counseling, and my husband refuses to go. Does anyone out there have any advice? Please help.